A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your
dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your
dry."Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
TRUE LOVE
An elderly gentleman was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said: "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head and just shook it. ashamed he said "I have to tell you the truth, Her name slipped my mind about 10 years a go, -- and I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is."
An elderly gentleman was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said: "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head and just shook it. ashamed he said "I have to tell you the truth, Her name slipped my mind about 10 years a go, -- and I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is."
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her Boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger '. Boyfriend says 'I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make m...y bigger?' asks the girlfriend. 'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.
'. Boyfriend says 'I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make m...y bigger?' asks the girlfriend. 'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor says, "You need to stop masturbating."The guy says, "Why Doc? Am ...I going blind?" The doc says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks."He starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones. He puts the wad of money into the woman's hand and says, "Here... go paint my fucking house!!
