Mating the Bull
A man takes his wife to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley
that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states "This
bull mated 50 times last year. The wife turns to her husband and says, "He
mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65
times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated
65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this
one!"
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365
times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated
365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!! You could really learn from
this one."
The annoyed man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was
365 times with the same cow."
A man takes his wife to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley
that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states "This
bull mated 50 times last year. The wife turns to her husband and says, "He
mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65
times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated
65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this
one!"
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365
times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated
365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!! You could really learn from
this one."
The annoyed man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was
365 times with the same cow."
An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal...
Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, " Can you help me point my penis" ?
The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, " Hey! I'm grabbing it right"? " So I should look, I have a right"!
He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. " What the hell is wrong with it ?"
The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but, I ain't touchin' it." and walks away.
Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, " Can you help me point my penis" ?
The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, " Hey! I'm grabbing it right"? " So I should look, I have a right"!
He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. " What the hell is wrong with it ?"
The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but, I ain't touchin' it." and walks away.
While walking through the woods the other day I came across a bear....and he was shitting in the woods...and believe it or not there was a rabbit next to him and he was shitting too...
The bear looked at the rabbit and asked..."hey mr rabbit, you have fur, do you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur.....?"
The rabbit said "no, mr bear, I don't....." so the bear picked up the rabbit ad wiped his ass with him....
The bear looked at the rabbit and asked..."hey mr rabbit, you have fur, do you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur.....?"
The rabbit said "no, mr bear, I don't....." so the bear picked up the rabbit ad wiped his ass with him....
Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game
They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniel's into the ball park. The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks. Finally, one of them passes out.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.
Question: Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?
Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth, one out, and the bags are loaded.
They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniel's into the ball park. The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks. Finally, one of them passes out.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.
Question: Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?
Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth, one out, and the bags are loaded.
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
A guy has a few drinks at a bar, then heads to the rest room. While he’s doing his business, a very short man takes the urinal next to him and whips out a 10-inch johnson.
“I’m sorry for staring,” says the guy, “but you’re huge.”
“That’s because I’m a leprechaun,” says the short man. “All leprechauns are well-endowed.”
“I’d do anything to have a penis that size,” sighs the guy.
“It just so happens that I can grant wishes,” says the leprechaun.
“If you let me have sex with you in the bathroom stall, I’ll give you a bigger penis.”
The man thinks it over and decides he wants a giant schlong.
As they’re going at it, the man cries out, “I can’t believe I’m letting a leprechaun screw me!”
“I can’t believe that you believe I’m a leprechaun!”
“I’m sorry for staring,” says the guy, “but you’re huge.”
“That’s because I’m a leprechaun,” says the short man. “All leprechauns are well-endowed.”
“I’d do anything to have a penis that size,” sighs the guy.
“It just so happens that I can grant wishes,” says the leprechaun.
“If you let me have sex with you in the bathroom stall, I’ll give you a bigger penis.”
The man thinks it over and decides he wants a giant schlong.
As they’re going at it, the man cries out, “I can’t believe I’m letting a leprechaun screw me!”
“I can’t believe that you believe I’m a leprechaun!”
Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker, were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."
After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."
The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."
After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."
The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."
Two guys are in a store when their carts collide. Bob says, "I'm sorry, I was looking for my wife." "Wow so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate," says Joe. "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?" asks Bob. Joe replies, "She's tall, long hair, long legs, big 
and a magnificent ass! What's your wife look like?"
Never mind let's look for yours!
and a magnificent ass! What's your wife look like?"Never mind let's look for yours!
Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"
A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, "dad, what does a pussy look like?"
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.
His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.
His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
