My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said: I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in under 3 seconds. I bought her some bathroom scales. And then the fight started . . .A little later she sat on the seat beside me as I was flipping channels. She asked: Whats on the TV? I said: Dust
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale JR.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.
# 2 - Can't wear helmet sideways.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
# 1 - When they crash their cars, they bail out and run
top ten reasons black people dont compete in nascar
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale JR.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.
# 2 - Can't wear helmet sideways.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
# 1 - When they crash their cars, they bail out and run
top ten reasons black people dont compete in nascar
Obama one liners
Barack got his ObamaCare votes the old fashioned way. He bought 'em.
The Obama economy utilizes a system of carefully monitored checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balance.
Everyone who believes that ObamaCare will work is entitled to free psychological help.
Obama just gave America a trillion dollar budget deficit. Let's hope he never learns that there are numbers that come after a trillion.
Barack got his ObamaCare votes the old fashioned way. He bought 'em.
The Obama economy utilizes a system of carefully monitored checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balance.
Everyone who believes that ObamaCare will work is entitled to free psychological help.
Obama just gave America a trillion dollar budget deficit. Let's hope he never learns that there are numbers that come after a trillion.
A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.
“Is your Dad home?”
“No sir, he isn’t; he went to town.”
“Well, is your Mother here?”
“No sir, she went to town with Dad.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.”
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.”
“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”
The boy thought for a moment. “You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $50 for the bull and $5 for the hog, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”
“Is your Dad home?”
“No sir, he isn’t; he went to town.”
“Well, is your Mother here?”
“No sir, she went to town with Dad.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.”
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.”
“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”
The boy thought for a moment. “You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $50 for the bull and $5 for the hog, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”
compliments
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'And that's how the fight started.....
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'And that's how the fight started.....
car trouble
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'.
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'.
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
Quiz instead of joke today
Name the democrat who made the statement:
"Have you read the Arizona law?" Poe asked.
"I have not had a chance. I grant that I have not read it," ???acknowledged.
“We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it.”
"No, no. I have been practicing...I bowled a 129. It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something."
Name the democrat who made the statement:
"Have you read the Arizona law?" Poe asked.
"I have not had a chance. I grant that I have not read it," ???acknowledged.
“We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it.”
"No, no. I have been practicing...I bowled a 129. It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something."
