My Cousin Vinny's Picks On or Against the Yankees

[stander]

"It was only by great solo plays that we won the last two games," says Vin. "And that last one I firmly believe was supernatural favor. But that's baseball... But today -- we're facing a Smyly lefty bastard who's got a pretty good record against us (6 appearances, 1-0 with a 1.82 ERA. Only 5 earned runs in 24 2/3 innings. -MLB) plus he's been phenomenal out of the gate (highest career strikeout rate and lowest career walk rate. 0-2, but 0.65 WHIP, 2nd best in MLB ahead of Arrieta and Kershaw.)

"Can we beat three leftys in a row," Vin asks.

"You think that's possible," I asked.

"Well, I think it's kind of like talking your girlfriend into a threesome with her friend you always thought was hot," says Vin. "Mathematically possible and 'from things you hear' it actually happens sometimes but based on all tangible, visible evidence about as likely as a citywide statement directed towards our good friends in Chicago saying 'you are right and we are wrong: thick, heavy wedges of bready crust weighted down by five pounds of cheese and a river of thick sauce is definitely the way to go. Our pizza here in NY is total shit and from now on we all promise to eat only deep dish pie like you."

(Actually Vin has been to Chicago many times and loves the place. Says their hot dogs are second to none and make the things we eat here look like those bright red abominations you find in gas station hot pots. -Stand)

Pineda's done well against the Rays, saysVin, (2-1, 2.70ERA in 7 starts) but probably no Bettancourt or Miller tin the late innings today as they both threw the last two games, sighed Vin. Could mean some late Tampa Bay hits and runs.

Looks like Joe's not sitting people, (Vin just texted the starting lineup) so look for him to possibly do so tomorrow against Texas in game 1. We face a red hot Hamels (3-0) with Nathan's (probably not going to be) Famous.

4/24/16 1:05pm MLB Baseball 965 Tampa Bay Rays +106* vs New York Yankees (D Smyly - L must Start M Pineda - R must Start)

GLTA!

 

[stander]

Forgot the most important part. Take the Rays, says Vin. Enjoy the game!

 

[stander]

I do believe Pineda might have thought he had the day off today. Wow. What a first inning. FYI - No Cole Hamels for the Rangers tomorrow night.

Well, The boys won the series and the thread won the week, so all should be well with Vin. I know he'll be disappointed with the offensive production but tomorrow is a new week, and a new chance to start againon the good foot.

Enjoy the games the rest of the day everyone.

On: 6-3
Against: 7-1
Totals: 0-1

$: +7.68

 

[AllAboutTheBenjamins]

great week. thanks for posting

 

[BigHurt007]

Fun read...wish I caught this thread earlier

 

[varkeyboy]

Your boy is the man! Thanks.

 

[Bobbflo]

Some funny shit right here Stander! Thanks for posting this hilarious running blog....keep it up!

 

[MikRetSam]

who vin like?

 

[stander]

When I went looking for Vin earlier today, he was not in the spot where he is usually found. So I waited a while. No Vinny. Finally I asked another one of my neighbors if they had seen him.

Earlier, said Mrs. Big Butt. I saw him carrying an armload of newspapers toward the subway station. (Vin calls her that because she has a really big butt; not 'a little junk in the trunk' but not flabby and spread out either - think Nicky Minaj with a Brazilian but lift. This woman has a butt's butt. "It's just obscene," says Vin, his face contorting into a mix between shock and awe. "Obscene! I'd like to smack that thing till it's red as a fire engine, then go to work!" "That woman would work you," said I. "She could fit your entire body between those ass cheeks and you'd never be heard from again.")

But I digress. "Do you know where he went," I asked Mrs. Big Butt.

He said something about Coney Island said she.

"What the hell for," I wondered aloud.

"I don't know," said she. "He's your friend. Dirty old Guniea bastard...."

Good lord I thought. Vin on the subway is bad news in itself; but Coney Island?

So I called him up and to my surpirse he actually made it. He was at Nathan's famous having a hot dog. "I like the Yankees tongiht," said he.

"Have you been drinking," I asked. (Vin holds alcohol about like bubblegum holds flavor -- NOT well.)

Only straight Joe, said he. "The boys always play well in Arlington and Eovaldi is from Texas."

Did you read the starting lineups, I asked. ARod and McCann are out. Did you see those Ranger bat numbers? And Texas' kid from the minors is a lefty and Eovaldi has burned you twice.

Third time will be the charm, said he. The boys will hit this kid - who has a lot on his plate family wise. Wife and daughter who fought and beat serious illness adn a new baby on the way in August. This will be his first major league start since 2014. Pitching for another shot at the bigs, for your family.

You don't think that will fortify and focus him with emotional purpose, I asked. You don't think that will cause his batters to fight off pitches a little bit harder than they normally do?

Maybe, said Vin. But I'm thinking most of the time a situation like that comes along, it overwhelms most of us. And I think the Yanks and Eovaldi will be loose, now that they're on the road and away from the NY pressure cooker.

Sometimes my friend, you've just go t to get out of town, said he. Yanks take it tonight.

I looked at the phone in disbelief. Well, holding my nose and playing this one. To me, all the write-ups etc I've read point toward Texas - a team who can hit the ball well looking to get off the snide after being swept. But what do I know? Answer: not much.

GLTA!

4/25/16 8:05pm MLB Baseball 917 New York Yankees -118* <small>vs</small> Texas Rangers (N Eovaldi - R must Start C Ramos - L must Start)

 

[MikRetSam]

gl tn

 

[stander]

Well, another great call by Vin, but I can't help wondering - where the hell is he? Radio silence since the first pitch and he's out in the countryside (ie the outer boroughs). Will our man Vin make it home? He'd better, there's another game tomorrow night.

On: 7-3
Against: 7-1
Totals: 0-1

$: +8.68

 

[gamerecognizegame]

Sounds like Vinny hit Atlantic City celebrating after he scored the double win (ie winning your bet on your favorite team...always a great feeling). Hope he isn't too hungover tomorrow to give us another winner. You da man Stander and so is Vinny. I like his style and I like yours too.

 

[stander]

Thanks for the kind words game. Great work in your thread I must say. Amazing start to the season. Indeed, it is always great to win a bet on the team you support. Vin is not a gambler though. (Actually he's notoriously tighter than an enraged badgers butthole with money and gripes about ponying up quite nominal sums for pools etc during football season. Regular gambling is not the hobby for him. He's not scared to spend money on the girls though, that's for sure! Hey - priorities are priorities.) He's just a quirky guy who has loved baseball and the Yankees ever since his dad took him to his first game as a small child. He always says that he knows his team so this season I decided to post his picks for us that do gamble to follow, fade, or just get another angle on a game we might be thinking about playing.

GLTA!

 

[AllAboutTheBenjamins]

NYC AMBER ALERT: MY COUSIN VINNY



thanks for posting, stand.

 

[stander]

Vin looked depressed when I saw him today. This was surprising, I thought he would be full of piss and vinegar on the heels of the boys' win last night and his successful trip to the countryside. (These are few and far between. Typically bad things happen when he tries to navigate the outer boroughs.)

"What's up," I asked.

"The game might get postposed because of weather," he sighed. "The TV said there was a good chance (60%) of heavy thunderstorms and they were expecting winds from 10-20mph from right-center field. This is the night I think Severino will get out from under el mal de ojo - he actually pitched pretty well in that loss to the As and down in that Texas humidity he'll be able to get his fingers into the ball. Plus," he said perking up, "it does seem like the bats are on the verge of breaking out. We got 10 hits last night but only 3 runs. WE're still leaving a lot of man on, but that's on the verge of breaking.... and tonight we finally face a righty again."

McCann is back tonight, I said.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Sometimes it does guys a world of good to sit out for a night and watch the game."

"So you don't think the Texas bats wake up," I asked. "They're due."

"Luis will keep them sleeping," he said. "No of them have ever faced him before."

"I notice the Texas pitcher has a good record against the Yankees (2-0 with a 3.12ERA in 3 starts) - any danger there? He seems like he's back as good as or better after the two year layoff for TommyJohn."

"Sure - but our offense is on the uptick. There's is going the opposite way. We could see a low-scoring game with all the wind but I really think we'll prevail. Now, if the goddamn rain would just stay away. I hate rain. It always shows up where it's not wanted and never where it is wanted. It's a lot like the guy selling hot dogs at the ballpark."

"Fair enough, but I guess the world needs rain."

"That part of the world don't need no more rain for a while," he said. "Besides, the world needs baseball games."

He had a point.

Yankees win tonight if they get this one in, says Vin. (Hopefully Homerism is not setting in - we shall see! -Stand)

GLTA!

4/26/16 8:05pm MLB Baseball 971 New York Yankees -117* vs Texas Rangers (L Severino - R must Start A Griffin - R must Start)

 

[stander]

Jesus what an egg. Vin might get the pink donut with sprinkles dropped off outside his door tomorrow. In all seriousness, Severino is cursed. I think the kid will have to get out of New York to get over it. This is Robert Johnson kind of stuff... watch another team get him in trade at a relative bargain and then he'll start dropping hitters like flies. (Observation from a non-baseball guy, take with a grain of salt).

I've read in the second year after Tommyjohn, itchers almost always do better. Certainly proven tonight with that sasquatch on the mount for Texas.

Well, tomorrow is another day. Rubber game coming up and the Big Man on the hill for us...

On: 7-4
Against: 7-1
Totals: 0-1

$: +7.51

 

[Bobbflo]

Wwvd?

 

[stander]

Once again, Vin was not usualy where he is normally found today.

And a few minutes ago, I got a cryptic phone call. "goddamn hail the size of gold balls," a distant voice mumbled, without so much as a hello.

"Vin, I can barely hear you," says I.

"it started then it stopped," Vin stammered. "At first I thought - this is it. The supernatural is showing up to take the mal de ojo off Luis and rain out the game. But then... it was utter humiliation, more and more of it. Where's the guy with the bloody chicken," he cried. "He should have been in our dugout last night."

"Vin, I'm pretty sure MLB frowns on guys with bloody chicken carcasses in dugouts - especially during the game. And where the hell are you? You sound like you're in a hole."

"Don't you tell them where I am," he yelled, his voice still fading.

"No problem" says I, "rubber game tonight."

"Yeah, I always carry rubbers," Vin said, his voice sounding like a whisper now. "Tonight the Texas kid Martin Perez is a lefty but the Yanks have hit him pretty well in what little they've seen of him. Where are all these lefty's coming from? You know when I was a kid and if you started to throw southpaw your dad would tie your arm behind your back and teach you to throw righty as God intended!"

"Yeah," I said. "Big secret's out I'm afraid. Everyone in this country knows the Yanks can't hit leftys. Cat out of the bag."

"And the Rangers - well thier bats are hot and ours are not. Going in the opposite direction. I couldn't have been more wrong last night. The Texas bats who have faced the big man have hit him good. Elvis Andrus has hit .600 in 20 at bats against CC. And there aree a few other guys who have hit over .500 in less at bats."

"So the Rangers then," I asked.

"Normally, I like teams to bounce back after getting humiliated but I just don't know about this oine," said he. "And we've got our first series with Boston Friday... Gun to my head Texas, but I just don't know. I just don't know..."

And that was that. I guess tonight's a mulligan for thread purposes. Sorry guys but maybe the rest will do Vin good to pick some winners in the Boston series.

GLTA!

 

[PatsFanatic]

I guessing he likes the Yanks tonight?? Maybe....come on Vin don't let us down lol

 

[stander]

Not to disappoint Pats, we have an appalling Homerism on full display this evening. Sorry for the late post. Been a bear of a week.

This is our "Don't Fear the Reaper," game says Vin. We've faced the Left Hand of Darkness 8 of the last 10. (Last 10 games the Bombers are 4-6. -Stand) And this guy taking the Hill for Boston tonight - Owens - has an ERA that's higher than Colonel Sanders' blood pressure. ( 8.10ERA so far this year, 0-0 called up from AAA to replace J Kelly in the starting rotation. Also he made he MLB debut aginst NY and Tanaka last year giviing up 3 runs in 5 innings. -Stand)

And Tananka's getting better every game, said Vin. He gave us seven innings last time. He'll get us a lead and we'll get to Betances and Miller and then the foot will be on their throats. Lights out Beantown Betty.

But their bats are hot and ours are cold, says I. And Big Papi is still playing. It seems like he kills us every damn game.

They only scored three losing to the damn Braves last night, scoffed Vinny.

Vin, it seems like three runs is the damn ceiling for our offense as of late, I pleaded. (Vin just won't see that our offensive Maylaise is not the temporary kind. Our boys are just bad.)

What about that tantrum you pitched about them not fighting off pitches and being a bunch of holier that thou Nancies thinking their swings were so pure and beautiful they wouldn't deign to swing at any pitch they didn't consider perfect.

That does sound like something I'd say, he mused.

That's because you did say it you fool, said I. You always say winning baseball is a lot like playing the field with the girls. Long and tall or short and spicy; face sharp and angled like a diamond or round and soft like a cherub; beasts full and ripe like melons or pert and glowing like the rarest plums, if she looks like she might be up for a ride then you swing away and get wood on it! It's the New York way, you said!

As much sense as that makes you'll not talk me off this pick, says Vin. Not tonight. The man from Japan will keep him and the rest of those dirty unshaven heathens at bay, said Vin.

But some of our guys are new to the rivalry, said I. A Fenway Park greeting on a Friday night - first game of 2016 might be a bit intimidating don't you think?
No for a goddamn minute, snapped Vin. The first time I went to Fenway I was in high school - wearing pinstripes and a batting helmet ... head full of fear, excitement and expectations.

Walking into Fenway was something, boos and words you wouldn't say in front of your mother coming from every direction. We got to our seats and my buddies looked intimidated. One looked like it was his first night at Rykers. Goddamn this shit, I tells them. We're Yankees. We're not intimidated by other teams or their fans, they're intimidated by us. Player or fan, wearing this uniform means something. You're not going to go ballsout like a real New Yorker, then take it off, I told them. So, my friends and I stood up the entire time chattering and razzing the beantown pitchers and hitters, and cheering our boys. We had beer and soda hurled at us almost non-stop along with numerous threats of grievous bodily harm followed by slow death, and a few things bounced off my helemt that definitely weren't biodegradable - I think one was a D cell battery. And we won, by God, he growled; hate-filled fury filling his lungs. We won.

So what happened after the game, I asked, thinking Vin and his young friends might have been dealt with quite severely out in the parking lot.

I don't know, he shrugged. Security escorted us out in the fourth, with people still throwing things at screaming at us (I imagine the guards though these NY punks getting pelted with all manner of shit was funny for a while but then though they might actually be killed. -Stand) "So," Vin goes on, "we listened to the rest of the game over the car radio on the way back to New York. It was one of the best goddamn nights of my life," said he.

I bet it was. I smiled as the nutty old guy gazed off the at the city skyline. He was smiling too, remembering his glory days and knowing that soon, it would be time for that loud little Yankee kid to live again.

So there we have it. A Homer pick if there ever was one. Yankees to win game one on the road. Personally I think the Bosoxes will beat the shit-hitting Yankees by double digits and Big Papi will knock Tanaka out with a three-run homer his second time at bat but I am holding my nose and following Vin and his boys.

GLTA!

4/29/16 7:10pm MLB Baseball 917 New York Yankees -115* vs Boston Red Sox (M Tanaka - R must Start H Owens - L must Start)