Let me tell you the story of the last time I drank, maybe it will shed some light onto why I feel the way I do about it.
I went to visit an old college girlfriend in Washington DC. Having resigned myself that alcohol had gotten the better of me, I had recently decided I was done for good, or at least for a long while. I hadn't drank a drop in 4 months.
The trip was too much for me too soon, as I gave into the "what harm will one night out really do" mentality.
We went out drinking and watched the Blackhawks game. I remember that they were in the playoffs at the time. Anyway, we both got pretty fucked up. That was my CHOICE.
The next morning, we woke up at 7am. She was hurtin, but nothing that a glass of water, advil, and some breakfast couldn't fix.
I, on the other hand, physically needed a drink. I was shaking, my heart was racing, I was having panic attacks, etc. I was going through withdrawal. After one night of drinking.
So I had some drinks that morning, and I was off to the races again.
This has happened to me so many times I can't even count, where I would quit for awhile and then one night and instantly it's back.
Why is it like that? Why is my body different? I don't choose for that to be the case. I wish more than anything I woke up after one night of drinking with a headache and general fatigue, not raging withdrawal.
That's what being an alcoholic means to me. I don't know if it's a disease but being an alcoholic is certainly not a choice cause no one in their right mind would choose it.