Tell your best dirty joke....

[EasyMoney]

this ones long and sounds much better in person but I'll give it a shot.

Jesse Jackson and Mike Tyson are going to the Vactican to meet the pope. Jesse goes to Mike and says, "now Mike we are going to meet the pope so you need to be on your best behavior." Mike says, "man fuck the pope." Jesse replies, "thats what I'm talking about you can't cus in front of the pope." They get on the plane and while in flight Mike is eating his peanuts and throwing the shells on the floor. Again Jesse says, "Mike you can't act like this when we see the pope." Again Mike says, "man fuck the pope." So they get to the Vatican and are instructed to wait in the lobby for the pope. Mike is still throwing his peanut shells on the floor and cussing. Jesse has giving up at this point. Then the pope enters the room, walks right past Jesse, goes up to Mike and makes the sign of the cross. Now Jesse is pissed. Mike was cussing and throwing peanut shells on the floor and the pope walked right by him and went up to Mike and blessed him. Jesse says to Mike, "this is bullshit Mike, you were cussing and throwing peanut shells on the popes floor but he walked right by me and blessed you." Mike replies, Man the pope didn't bless me." Jesse says, "I saw him make the sign of the cross." Mike says, "ya, he said you, pick up those peanut shells, get that other ****** and get the fuck outta here."

 

[EasyMoney]

A man is walking with his son through the store, he then slaps him on the back of the head and says, "fat headed little bastard." this goes on 3 or 4 times before a women stops him and asks why he is calling his son a fat headed little bastard. the man replies, "ever since I was young I wanted 3 things. A big house, and now I own the house on top of the hill, money, and now I own a multi million dollar real estate firm, and a wife with a nice tight pu**y." Then he slaps his son again and says fat headed little bastard.

 

[Biggamer3]

This has to be the grossest joke ever, but here goes:
How do you get a baby out of a blender?

with a straw

 

[Biggamer3]

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty six year olds?

because there are 20 of them

 

[steaktartar]

polish couple on there honeymoon have never had sex before they stumbling around in the dark nuthin much happenin so the wife says i bought a book today just in case SEX FOR DUMMIES.....she grabs the book and tells him it says to "take the thing u play with and put it where i pee"...so he got and threw his bowling ball in the sink

 

[Rawpimple]

Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?





A: A new last name.

 

[Biggamer3]

Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?





A: A new last name.

uppy:

 

[$tinky]

Jesse Jackson was duck hunting in Louisiana. A bird flew over him he lifted his gun and shot the duck down. Jesse got out of his duck blind and went to find the duck. He crossed over a fence with a NO TRESPASSING sign on it. Ten or so yards over the fence he saw the duck laying on the ground. He picked up the duck and started walking back to his blind, when all of a sudden this wrinkled old man walked up and said "where do you think you're going with my duck" Jesse said, "I shot the duck, its my duck old man." The old man said it was on my property so that makes it mine." The old man then said since your holdin the duck I guess we're gonna have to settle this like men do here in Louisiana. Jesse said whatever, how do we do that? The old man said I kick you in the balls, then you kick me in the balls and the first one to give up loses. Jesse agreed and the old man got a running start and kicked the shit out of Jesse right square in the nuts. Jesse went to the ground he rolled around for like 5 minutes he was spitting up blood, sweating and had chills running all through his body he finally made it up to his knees and then finally to his feet. He looked up and wiped to tears away to see the old man sorta smurking. He said "I don't know what you're laughing at because its my turn now" The old man said " You win, I give up! You can keep the duck"

 

[Paterno]

Just a joke ppl.........

What did the black guy get on his SAT?







-BBQ Sauce

 

[JGSB]

I love this thread!!! U SICK Bastards!!!

Takes 1 to know 1.

The 7 most important men in a woman's life

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."

2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."

3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"
:drink:

 

[JGSB]

Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other.

After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.

The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger.

The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, "You didn't leave an outline."
She says, "Smell the rim."
​

 

[JGSB]

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/sick/sex.html

Not My Kind Of Date ​

A cop stops his police car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The chap is laying on his side with his trousers pulled down, the girl has her finger in his asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.
The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."
The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."
She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

I could'nt pick 1 sorry.​

 

[levistep]

Just a joke ppl.........

What did the black guy get on his SAT?







-BBQ Sauce

Enough with these lame ass warnings; they ruin the joke.

 

[SkinsRaj28]

What does the N.A.A.C.P. stand for?

Now Apes Are Called People

 

[kingbill]

What's the Difference between a Light Bulb and a Pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a Light Bulb

 

[bullets]

Q. What does the Mafia and going down on a girl have in common?

A. One slip of the tounge and you are in deep shit.

 

[bullets]

Just a joke ppl.........

What did the black guy get on his SAT?

-BBQ Sauce

I am sick and tired of these racist jokes. I have colored people in my family tree.

One is still hanging there.

 

[aclv1]

a blind man and deaf woman get married and on the first night of their honeymoon get into a big arguement . both are now wondering if they did the right thing by getting married because of the communication problems they will be having.so things got a little confusing with the sex. the husband doesnt know if she wants to have sex or not because of the heated arguement and the wife is thinking the same.

so they both go to bed and start wondering if they will have sex.

finally after an hour they try to settle the issue.

the deaf wife grabs the blinds mans hand and puts it on her tit and squeezes it 1 time and says "no sex" and then squeezes it 3 times and says "yes"

the blind husband starts thinking and says to himself i have a better idea. so he grabs his wifes hand and puts it on his cock and jerks it one time if she wants to do it. then she says "how about if i dont want to have sex?"
then he puts her hand on his cock and jerks it 50 times.



i probably screwed up saying this joke but it goes something like that..good luck in march!!!!!

 

[beefdiesel]

1. What Do You Call A Cupboard Full Of Lesbians? ... A Licker Cabinet.

2. What Do You Call An Eskimo Lesbian? ... A Klondyke.

3. What Do You Call 100 Lesbians With Guns? ... Militia Ethridge.

4. What Do You Call 2 Lesbians In A Canoe? ... Fur Traders.

5. What Is A Lesbian Dinosaur Called? ... A Lickalotapuss.

6. What Do You Call A Lesbian With Long Fingers? ... Well Hung.

7. What Do Two Lesbians Do When They Are Having Their Periods? ... Fingerpaint. (eeewwwww)

8. What Do Lesbians Call An Open Can Of Tuna? ... Potpourri.

9. What Did The Lesbian Vampire Say To Her Partner? ... See You Next Period.

10. Did You Hear That Ellen Degeneres Drowned? ... She Was Found Face Down In Ricki Lake.

11. How Can You Tell A Tough Lesbian Bar? ... Even The Pool Table Doesn't Have Balls.

12. Do You Know What Drag Is? ... It's When A Man Wears Everything A Lesbian Won't.

13. What Do You Call Lesbian Twins? ... Lick-a-likes.

14. How Can You Tell If A Lesbian Is Butch? ... She Kick-starts Her Vibrator And Rolls Her Own Tampons.

15. What's The Definition Of Confusion? ... Twenty Blind Lesbians In A Fish Market.

16. What's The Difference Between A Ritz Cracker And A Lesbian? ... One's A Snack Cracker, The Other A Crack Snacker!

:lolBIG::lolBIG::toast:

 

[xpanda]

Q. How come men never know when a woman has an orgasm?

A. 'Cause they're never there.