Vin and I greeted Mrs. Big Butt cordially as she passed, giving the both of us a withering glare. Vin stared right back at her, jaw set and eyes narrowed.
Their eyes met and her nose flared and she grunting something under her breath, turned and walked off -- like a freshly divorced wife into the house her now ex-husband would continue paying the mortgage on for many many years to come while someone else was mowing the lawn....
I love it when she grunts and flashes the evil eye, sighed Vin as he slowly bobbed his head back and forth, following the rhythmic swaying and pumping of her obscenely swollen rump as she fast-walked down the street.
When they're angry, in pain or disgusted -- shocked and digusted -- a woman's face looks the most like it does when she's in heat getting the wood laid to her, says Vin, slapping the air and doing his best 'dirty old man' grin. Same part of the brain. For example, slapping that ass before and during the act -- having her turn around with the sharp, shooting pain on top of the pleasure reflected in her face is icing on the damn cake, is it not?! Custard in the donut. And who doesn't like icing and custard? Everyone likes icing and custard; even people who say they don't-
Look, I broke in, don't try to bring cake or donuts into this. And I really hope you picked that crap up from watching PBS or something, I told him -- trying to erase the unwanted images I was getting in my head. (We're talking Italian Don Knotts mounting a Kardashian/Nicky Minaj/Coco Austin altered beast here...and disgusted??? shocked and disgusted??? The mind boggles as it cannot truly comprehand such a thing so monstrous...)
Hey - a man's got to be emlightmented and edumacated these days to keep getting the canoli, said Vin, already halfway though the act in his own mind. Either that or pay for it, he shrugged. Both work.
OK OK, moving on, said I. Ivan on the hill in the opening game of a four-set in Oakland. Time stop slapping the air and think about baseball.
Vin screwed his face up. That was the only thing that worked for me as a kid too, said he. So OK -- Oakland, they're our nemesis. Bastards swept us at home. Talked a lot of shit about it too - then and now. Papers and social media alike. Even though we got Charlie Brown for a manger that ought to spike up those competitive juices.
Ought to, I replied incredulously.
Hey this is the only game I think we got a chance to win, protested Vin. And we've hit Graveman well in the past. The bats show up in any of these games they show up tonight.
But it's the first game of a road series, said I. You've said before that the Yanks are traditionally weak in this spot.
Well it ain't too far from Arizona to Oakland and the shit taking cancels out the first road game jinx. That and Ivan really wants that place in the starting rotation. He hated it in the pen. And Severino might do well in there - like Betances. He was a starter but he couldn't keep up the control to go the distance but as a reliever for an inning or so he's great. I can feel it -- this is the answer!
Yet again, the answer, said I.
That and get rid of Charlie Brown. Lots of people are saying he's lost the team. Anyway, Ivan will get us to the pen. Then, CB lets loose the Sherriff, Machine Gun, and Blaster to rip what's left of the As to shreds!
So there we have it - the nemesis, shit talking revenge offense, Ivan comes alive, and Charlie Brown runs the dogs.
GLTA!
5/19/16 10:05pm MLB Baseball 917 New York Yankees +102* vs Oakland Athletics (I Nova - R must Start K Graveman - R must Start
