The "Ask NES" Corner

[GasMan]

NES...long time lurker, first time poster. Love your show.

I just have one question. During the day I get a lot of ass seepage. You know, little drivels of poo or shit that run out of my ass. I have oft heard it referred to as "swamp ass".

It is not terrible, just gives me an uncomfortable feeling and forces me to make the odd trip to the bathroom stall for a little refreshing wipe, which always produces some colorful TP.

I am hetero and relatively healthy. What is causing this?

 

[NES]

NES...long time lurker, first time poster. Love your show.

I just have one question. During the day I get a lot of ass seepage. You know, little drivels of poo or shit that run out of my ass. I have oft heard it referred to as "swamp ass".

It is not terrible, just gives me an uncomfortable feeling and forces me to make the odd trip to the bathroom stall for a little refreshing wipe, which always produces some colorful TP.

I am hetero and relatively healthy. What is causing this?

Welcome to the show GasMan. As my viewers may or may not know, "Anal Leakage" can be caused by many things but most commonly can be linked to "sugar free" products. Take a look on the back of your diet candy or sweetner and you may just find a label that says "Consumption may cause stomach discomfort and/or a laxative effect." aka "you might just poop yourself".

My advice is to steer clear of anything "diet", besides if you are a fat ass its probably candy and potato chips that got you in this mess to begin with. Grab an apple tubby.

 

[Teddykgb]

Are you mad at me?

 

[NES]

No, but Im not giving you my phone number.

 

[whalewager]

nes is a queer

 

[NES]

is nes a queer?

.
He most assuredly is not.

 

[offshoresports]

Nes, I tried the JAEGERMEISTER approach on my wife last night and it didn't work. Any advice?

 

[pubguy]

Nes, I tried the JAEGERMEISTER approach on my wife last night and it didn't work. Any advice?

She is supposed to drink it, not pour it on her. hno:

 

[NES]

Nes, I tried the JAEGERMEISTER approach on my wife last night and it didn't work. Any advice?

You are supposed to give the Jaegermeister to her, not drink it yourself. Try giving her a full body baby oil massage using your hands and entire body to relax her, whisper into her ear telling her what you are going to do and promise that you wont hurt her.. Go easy on her and pay attention to her facial expressions and body language. If you do this right not only will she will like it but she might just ask for it from time to time.

 

[billhill999]

NES?
Why haven't you shot yourself in the head yet?

 

[NES]

NES?
Why haven't you shot yourself in the head yet?

Because all executions orders were declared null and void when it was realized that our governing body had diarreah of the tear ducts.

 

[offshoresports]

You are supposed to give the Jaegermeister to her, not drink it yourself. Try giving her a full body baby oil massage using your hands and entire body to relax her, whisper into her ear telling her what you are going to do and promise that you wont hurt her.. Go easy on her and pay attention to her facial expressions and body language. If you do this right not only will she will like it but she might just ask for it from time to time.

Thanks man!

 

[NES]

I am only here to help my friend, if this advice doesnt help I am more than happy to provide "servicio al domicilio"

 

[Thepokermanifesto]

Are there any places in Seattle where packs of ticas or nicas hang out for dance and refreshment? Or do I just have to get my ass down there for the March madness tourney?

 

[Inactiongirl]

NES, I have had a recent besiegement with headaches. Never ever got them previously , but have been a recurring issue over the past few weeks. What do you think is the cause and what can I do to help the pain? I have tried percocet and other pain relievers yet nothing helps.

 

[billhill999]

NES?
Why are you such a bitter man?

 

[Thepokermanifesto]

Did they really crack down on the drinking and driving with automatic Jail time and confiscation of your car? Or do the transitos still leave work at 8ish and diez mill takes care of most issues?

 

[NES]

NES, I have had a recent besiegement with headaches. Never ever got them previously , but have been a recurring issue over the past few weeks. What do you think is the cause and what can I do to help the pain? I have tried percocet and other pain relievers yet nothing helps.

Do you find that your back and neck have been tense as well? If so you may have a tension type headache, which are very common in women and are usually triggered by some type of internal or environmental stress(family, work, chasing gambling losses). If this is the case then I would prescribe some R&R time which may or may include but not limited to baby oil massages, kisses behind the ear, and gental anal intercourse.

 

[NES]

NES?
Why are you such a bitter man?

People who know me know that bitter is not a way to describe me, unfortunately there is no font for sarcasm.

 

[NES]

Did they really crack down on the drinking and driving with automatic Jail time and confiscation of your car? Or do the transitos still leave work at 8ish and diez mill takes care of most issues?

So they say, luckily for me they rarely pull over Taxis and Busses so even im hammered drunk and carrying a couple kilos of Colombian bam bam the pigs will never catch me.