She farted, after first night of sex!

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G. MONEY said:
This thread is way to funny..I have had 3 children and Holysmoke, I must admit not once did I have to go thru any of what you descibed with my wife. You must have married a real Gem to have all those features during pregnancy.

man, you guys are lucky. I hear my wife and her friends talk about it all the time.

tell me this then, have you had the milk squirt all over you in bed?
 

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Holysmoke said:
I dated a girl one time and she was 17 or 18 I was 19.

I was getting my finger wet first date and we were in my car.

the car filled up with a smell nastier than shaq could fart.

It was such a horrid smell, like a dead person.

so I wrapped up the evening and dropped her off.

my car smelled so bad, I went to friends house and said lets go for a ride, they got in and almost vomit.

my finger stunk the next day.

:monsters-
 

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an article from another pregnancy website


FLATULENCE

Flatulence is embarrassing at the best of times and is one of the conditions made worse by pregnancy. Gas buildup in the stomach and intestines is very uncomfortable - especially with so much pressure on all the internal organs - and can cause shortness of breath and palpitations. When the digestive tract expands this extra pressure can cause an angina type of pain which can be strong enough in some cases to be mistaken for a heart attack. When this gas buildup is expelled rather noisily this may be indigestion or may sometimes indicate something more serious, such as gallbladder problems, or even gallstones. But usually flatulence is functional - it is unrelated to any disease of the organs - and in pregnancy the most common cause is swallowing air while eating too quickly or gulping large quantities of air during the day. If you are eating foods which have previously upset your digestive system, such upset will only be made worse by your present condition. Carbohydrate foods fermenting in the large colon often cause flatulence and it can be helpful to avoid foods which contain a large proportion of starch and cellulose - peas, potatoes, pulses, carrots, and onions. Try not to swallow air and breathe through the nose if you can. If you feel like belching, do, because you don't want the extra pressure at this time, but be careful not to take in another gulp of air immediately afterwards.

There are three essential oils which are helpful in combatting flatulence and which can be taken during pregnancy - dill, fennel, and spearmint. You can use any one of these individually to make an oil for the abdomen or mix two of the three. Dilute a total of 30 drops of your chosen oil or comination of oils in 2 tablespoons vegetable oil and rub over the abdomen several times a day. Alternatively, spearmint can be taken internally - but only in very small amounts once a day. Dissolve 3 drops in a tablespoon of honey and keep this mixture to use when needed. Once a day, take half a teaspoon of this honey and spearmint oil mixture in a small glass of boiled, warm water, being careful to sip slowly and avoid taking in yet more air.
 

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Holysmoke said:
jman, keep her on the side for when you need to bust a nut.

some night she may come in handy, hell, its better than rosie and porn



Its never been my style to keep one on the side...who knows maybe she will end up being the one...

:monsters-

She doesn't like watching sports or seafood either...:sad3:
 

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I mean shit, just google "pregnancy and flatulence" and there are thousands of results
 

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Holysmoke- I'm no doctor, but she may have had a yeast infection. My buddies were telling me about a time at a strip club. The girl was hot until she spread her legs in front of them, and they all about puked. They asked her what her problem was, and she said she "was just getting over a yeast infection." So maybe she wasn't white trash like you've made her sound.
 

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Journeyman said:
Hache, the funny part is I distinctly recall her telling me she never burps....I'm gonna bring that up next time I see her...maybe not actually.

I feel like I'm getting myself in over my head, she's always asking me to come over etc....I may have a hard time ending this one...

:drink: Single life has never been the same since my daughter came along...

She does not have to burp..She just blows it out her ass.....:hump:
 

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Illini said:
Holysmoke- I'm no doctor, but she may have had a yeast infection. My buddies were telling me about a time at a strip club. The girl was hot until she spread her legs in front of them, and they all about puked. They asked her what her problem was, and she said she "was just getting over a yeast infection." So maybe she wasn't white trash like you've made her sound.

maybe, boy she was a pretty brunette too. I never saw her again after that.
 

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Journeyman said:
I'm not a big fan of females farting period, its much worse when you first are getting to know one another and she rips one...IMO its worse than butt hair...

I'm laying next to this girl last night, after we had fooled around, and out of nowhere she informs me she just ripped one...I about died and wanted to leave, the funny part was I didn't even hear it, she must have been ruffling the covers and the noise drowned out the fart sound...So I try to sidestep the issue and take some of the embarrasment off the situation by pointing out I didn't hear anything...her reply back, "well you'll probably smell it in a few seconds :icon_conf :icon_conf

Where I come from, that's just nasty...I know all humans have gas etc, but first time together and she farts shortly afterwards....sick!

:monsters-


not a good sign Jman.. they should only start farting a few years INTO the marriage...I used to think women never farted but it happens
 

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Holysmoke said:
maybe, boy she was a pretty brunette too. I never saw her again after that.

What was her name? Was she in Bloomington?
 

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Illini said:
Holysmoke- I'm no doctor, but she may have had a yeast infection. My buddies were telling me about a time at a strip club. The girl was hot until she spread her legs in front of them, and they all about puked. They asked her what her problem was, and she said she "was just getting over a yeast infection." So maybe she wasn't white trash like you've made her sound.


:lolBIG: I got tears coming down my face laughing at this post!

ROTF!:dancefool
 

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Boys...this thread is a Hall Of Fame Thread...I'am laughing so fukking hard
 

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Holysmoke said:
man, you guys are lucky. I hear my wife and her friends talk about it all the time.

tell me this then, have you had the milk squirt all over you in bed?

this may be a possibility but i do not know for sure. my wife will not take off her bra when we hit it now. i think she knows this could happen and wants to avoid it.
 

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blue edwards said:
this may be a possibility but i do not know for sure. my wife will not take off her bra when we hit it now. i think she knows this could happen and wants to avoid it.

are you guys expecting blue?
 
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