This is a good post. I understand Nh can relate to all of it.
I came from from a healthy, loving family. I had a great childhood where I didn't go without. I may have been spoiled quite a bit. I was popular in high school and always had the hot girlfriend. My friends were upper middle class who had money and we liked to party. It started off fun and social and then I quit for 8 years totally while I was in th marines. After, I dabbled with drugs here and there. I did it mostly to break the boredom of just sitting around. I had hobbies, but enjoyed doing coc. After a couple long term failed relationships ended I found myself doing coc more and more for extended periods of time. A couple failed jobs because I would literally have no sleep and it's just too hard t function like that. So I stopped. Rinse and repeat. This last stint of 7 months I had to stop because it just got old and I was going to die of a heart attack if I didnt. The cocaine psychosis was ridiculous. The paranoia while doing it got ridiculous. I just stopped, but have done it a few times since. I have no desire to do it everyday anymore. It gets old.