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Senior Wannabe
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dude almost shit myself laughing so hard at this one...damn thats some sunny shit right there...thanks

showed up to the airport in Montreal drunk as a skunk from the night before ready to go back to Costa Rica. super sloppy stumbling drunk. ready to pass out drunk. didn't know if they were going to let me on the flight drunk.

i go to check my baggage at the ticket counter and they give me a ticket but tell me the conveyor belt is broken and i will need to carry my own bag to the gate and they will handle it there. i thought they were fucking with me but decided to go along with it. super paranoid at this point i drag my bag to the gat (1/4 mile easy) and sure enough they took the bag. i was an hr early and decided to sack out there at the gate and take a little nap before getting onto the airplane.

i lay down...go to sleep

shit gets real when someone starts shaking me...trying to wake me from my slumber. i crack my eyes open and realize there is about 50-75 people looking at me wide eyed. I do an inventory on the situation and realize that my hand is down my pants and i was, moments ago, either vigorously scratching my balls or jerking off in my drunken sleep.
 

Conservatives, Patriots & Huskies return to glory
Handicapper
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I hate Dook because of the non-stop hype

I hate Squid because he's a scumbag (John Calamari)

I hate the "U" because of Donna-She-Lie-La

I hate Cuse because they're pasty white guys that wear Orange

I hate BC because they actually think they're relevant
 
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[ truth or fiction ? ]

Originally Posted by King Niche
one time i was sitting in my house on my own i had just split up with my gf who was a crack head but she was nice.. the room was dark i was surrounded by bottles of piss half eaten sandwiches i even had a crust behind my ear i was quite sad because i was busto and heartbroken i thought maybe we would make it work and she would be my main squeese anyway she left me for a crack dealer..so at this point im feelin like ten dewey heart aching empty busto feeling and linger tilt from stacking off with a flush draw because some crotch monkey over bets the pot and i run into the swinging blade and throw up 2 clanging bricks and I just punch my ****in monitor almost put my fist through it and then i kicked my coffee table but not like a regular person no no no..i have to hit it as hard as I can with my ****ing shin!!!! wtff was i thinking im not van damme or some **** that hurt so bad i collapsed in agony and started crying i just laid there whimpering in agony sobbing and eventually the pain eased off but i had blood running all the way down my leg..i just laid there on the carpet for 2 hours staring into space i even knocked one out while laying in the recovery position i felt so lazy like a lazy slob and i smelt so rank like chinese food in a dumpster for days..i eventually get up im wearing stripey boxers and half of them is up my ass ive got my ass cheek showing but i dont care i sit at my pc and watch some 200/400 on betfair wishing i was in the game..i kept sitting at a table hoping i would have cash in my account i actually prayed to mary magdagascar..i check my emails and boooom titan poker have put free money in my damn account!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woooooooooooooo..it felt like a blessing. Its like 5 dollars..so I go straight to max but in 5c/10c or some BS where u get nit on nits and I run that **** up to 20 in no time, then I but in at 25/50 and I hit a big overset and and I make some decent bluffs I get my stack to 145..at this point im thinking ok just play this mother****ing cool dont be a degen waste of lung capacity but i say *** it i will take a shot at 2/4...

so I pick the easiest table luckily for me they are all easy and first hand I shove with the doyle brunson just for good luck everyone folds secnd hand i get AA..I shove I get 2 callers an Iwin and im oer 400 i say**** this and i goto 5/10 witha short stack what else am i suppose to do..i run this upto 3k pretty easily and step up to 10/20 and in 3 hours I have 13k..then it happened..I GET KING ****ING KING and some guy called han solo (TILTED) raises me to 30 dollars I re raise to 180 He raises to 550 I call planning to shove any flop flop comes AAA ..he says to me in chat I HAVE IT and bets the pot im like wtf ..thats areverse reversal bluff damn *** he must have it **** i cant fold i felt my heart speed up kind of like a panic attack how can i fold this my dad is in my ear saying DONT CALL he has the 4 of a kind im like no dad let me play my own damn hands why cant you go and play poker with otis redding always ****** interfering ..and i start arguing with him cant believe i have gone from 5 dollars to over a 20k pot in just hours..I call and he flips over QQ..I FIST PUMP LIKE IM OHN MACKENROE SHOUTING NOW WHAT NOW WHAT DAD HE DIDNT SAY **** TURN QUEEN RIVER QUEEENNNNNNNNNNN>>OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I MWAS SO ****IN MAD I STARTED SPITTINGup BLOOD FOAMING UP ...PUNCHED MY SELF in teh side of the head AND STARTED SHOUTING AT MY DAD INSIDE MY HEAD IM LIKE **** OFF LEAVE ME ALONE GET OUT OF My HEAD.. OMGG IM BUSTO AGAIN I FEEL LIKE A WORM WHO HAS HAS BIN SHOVELLED WHEN THE GROUND IS COLD OR MABE STUCK HIS HEAD IN A TURD..I FELT LIKE SUCH A ****INg DEGEN I COULD HAVE PLAYED 5/10 with 13k so easily and made decent rake and maybe found me some new pussy easily when i tell em im back to being a pro...first i burnt my hand on the stove on purpose omggg i was so wasted i went out in the backyard stark naked i started climbing the trees and just trying to get back to nature and forget the damn poker..loking back id lost my damn mind that pot had eloctrocuted my noodle..it started to rain and i looked so pathetic i couldnt even get a crack whore to stay with me and I had a big hemmaroid and my white pastey body stood out under the grey sky i must have looked like a sagging bag of milk...

..all i wanted to do was grind for 18 hours a day and fester in my own filth and live the life of a poker pro grind on the mind till i die make my tomb a house of cards.. i wanted to give up so bad.. now i was busto and i couldnt see a break in the clouds or any hope the next day when i woke up i had to masturbate just so i could get out of bed i browsed 2+2 and went back to bed for 3 days..I didnt even get up to go peepee i just pissed the bed because i was busto and nothing else mattered..i kept reminded myself that atleast i nwasnt the fat sloth puppet in that movie seven where he gets locked in a bat cave and is made to eat spaghetti till his guts spill open..but this didnt make me feel any better..
whats urine and the smell of a cheesy ritz cracker ass crack when you lost a 26k pot? i didnt give a **** about pissing on myself by that point..i could of had a milllion dingelberries attatched to my ass i wouldnt have cared...i was so upset the lowest point for so long even lower than when i talked myself out of a guy giving me a BJ for $100 I just couldnt do it..i felt lower than when my mom force fed me flowers..I almost killed myself on day 2 when metallica came on the radio..i dont know how I ever made it out alive..i always swear to this day it was just the hope of being back in action someday..it lifted me out of the bottomless pit and gave me reason to live and breathe..never quit guys..not even when they are dragging your face through the ****..there is always someone worse off than you..like a guy with a glass eye with a fish in it....keep grind on the mind
 

Scottcarter was caught making out with Caitlin Jen
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Confession-

I’m not proud, but.....

Last NewYears Eve while I was at Betalls House, I got drunk....really drunk....

I went into Mikes bedroom, used one of his socks to.....well, you know (take care of business), then I folded the sock and put it back in his drawer.


I feel like such a heel
 

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Confession-

I’m not proud, but.....

Last NewYears Eve while I was at Betalls House, I got drunk....really drunk....

I went into Mikes bedroom, used one of his socks to.....well, you know (take care of business), then I folded the sock and put it back in his drawer.


I feel like such a heel

Hahahaha...........
 
Joined
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Confession-

I’m not proud, but.....

Last NewYears Eve while I was at Betalls House, I got drunk....really drunk....

I went into Mikes bedroom, used one of his socks to.....well, you know (take care of business), then I folded the sock and put it back in his drawer.


I feel like such a heel

There's some Women's Panties missing my wife said too.
didn't know you were like that, you must have picked up the habit from Scott carter
 

Scottcarter was caught making out with Caitlin Jen
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There's some Women's Panties missing my wife said too.
didn't know you were like that, you must have picked up the habit from Scott carter
They were huge....didn’t know they were panties....Barnum and Bailey made a Circus Tent out of them
 

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Was fucking 2 girls I worked with in my living room on a Saturday during the day. One girl had a 5 year old girl and the other had a 7 year old girl who we stuck In my bedroom while the Minage was going on and told them not to come out. They kept opening the door trying to come out and I started yelling at them to stay in the room. Felt pretty bad, but how many times do you get a chance to do 2 girls at once? Only time for me.

Fucked 3 different girls name Tina in 1 day. Coincidental as hell.

Was fucking a girl who was married to a doctor. She was done with him and invited me over for a BBQ. Another couple was there I had met the weekend prior at their kids baseball out of town game. Her husband didn’t go but I did. They had seen me staying with her in the hotel room and I thought for sure they were gonna rat on me and tell the dude. They never did. She ended up divorcing the Dr and we dated over 9 years. Her husbamd use to call her at 3am and ask if she’s having fun with me.

Was with a dude who stole a car from the mall. We ghost rode it into a telephone pole in a residential section that was fully developed. It missed the telephone pole doing about 80 mph and slammed into a minivan back of a house and shoved it through the garage door into other cars. Missed the back fence which would have led to living room by about 5 feet. Couldn’t believe what I was watching.
 

Scottcarter was caught making out with Caitlin Jen
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You’re crazy....haha

Don’t think I would have done the ghost riding thing
 
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Bourn, poor kids were probably hearing all the coke sex moans JFC

Talk about scarring a child / supporting the development of future hoes
 

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