No, I'm not mad at anybody. I'm at work, and sometimes real life gets in the way.
You cannot make a realistic poker movie. Not if you want to make a profit on it, anyway. Movies have to be exciting. A poker movie has to be full of straight-flushes four-of-a-kinds. The public just won't believe you can get rich by winning little pots.
Also, there must be a law in Hollywood that says you've got to have cheating in every poker scene. I don't know why this is. I don't see past-posting schemes in movies that take place at the racetrack.
I've always maintained that "Rounders" was not a POKER movie; it was a CHEATING movie.
I've been playing in public cardrooms for 10 years now. Cheating plays a very small part in the life of an every-day player. You keep your eye for it, and you play in well-regulated cardrooms to protect yourself. I've only once suspected cheating in a Vegas cardroom. It was pretty obvious to spot. I quit the game before they could deal another hand.
That's it. One incident in 10 years.
Matt Damon and his pals had an incident every 10 MINUTES.
I've been over to rec.gambling.poker, and ran a search on Rounders and Authentic.
Someone over there once made a great post, listing the major flaws of the film. It was quite a list. If he wanted to nit-pick, he could've made a list three-times longer. Unfortunately, I couldn't find that precise post.
But I found this one, which will do in a pinch:
All of the pre-movie hype had me thinking that we were finally gonna see a
movie about poker that really sends the message home. Having criticized this
movie before it came out I was hoping against hope I made a mistake. I figured
I would have to eat some serious crow. Isn't being able to admit your mistakes
the sign of a winning player? Well, I did make a mistake, a big mistake. This
movie was much worse than I thought it would be! It was EMBARRASSING! What a
disgrace to the industry! Made us all look like a bunch of loan sharks,
mobsters and thieves!
Will someone please tell me where poker is played this way?
If you didn't know anything about playing cards before your viewing you
would think it was still a game played by the lowest of low life scum, all
there to fleece and cheat innocent looking conventioneers and college kids that
haven't got a clue. They kept emphasizing the skill aspect of the game but why
bother with that when you can get the money by using much easier methods. "We
aren't playing together so to speak, but, well, yes we are." (The implication
being that we are all a bunch of conniving crooks.)
Opening poker scene: Matt Damon snakes his way through the labyrinth maze
of brick and cement to find his way to the dungeon of death. A bar slides open
and he enters. The owner of the club himself is there to sell him his "three
stacks of high societies." Huh? What? Why the ridiculous lingo. Who talks
like this? Just give me 30 dimes and I'll find a game. (30 dimes, I'm still
laughing) He doesn't even check out the games first. Why not look to see who
is playing and how much money is on the table?
Of course, we all know this is a movie and in the movies allowances are
made. Expert collaborators are always employed but the one they hired for this
flick must have been off gallivanting with the local Monica Lewinsky for hire
because this movie had more mistakes, inaccuracies and downright laughable
scenes than "Something about Mary."
I guess that back east they don't:
1. CUT THE CARDS! (I guess cutting the cards is cinematically clumsly)
2. Cap their own cards. (When you're playing for dollars let alone
thousands aren't you going to protect your own damn hand!)
3. Burn a card
4. Put a cap card on the bottom of the deck (This kind of puts the kibosh
on bottom dealing)
5. Shuffle their chips
6. Stack their chips
7. Bet in a manner other than splashing them all over the place (You
would think that such great players could at least handle their chips in a
professional manner. No. Everyone bets in units of 10 or 20, or just throws
them into the middle of the pot.)
8. Talk without using metaphors (Their gonna do more than put a finger up
your spine--why not just say, "their gonna bust your ass if you **** around
with the deck dumb shit.")
9. Oh, and getting credit just by asking for it must be a New York way of
life. Especially for fresh face college kids with a delivery job or just
released cons with lots of talent!
10. Shuffle. Did you catch the way Worm shuffled the cards? Nobody
shuffles like that! (And gets away with it)
Will somebody please give me a break!
Still and all, I didn't believe these guys as poker players. They were
just too young. Too inexperienced. Most poker players are just starting out
about the time these guys were supposed to be great pros.
And the cheating. Oh my goodness, whose idea was that?!
I knew they'd blow this movie. And believe me, I HATE being right.
Every single poker scene had serious flaws. That is what I was dreading.
Will anybody EVER get it right?
Oh and get this. Off duty cops just happen to have two tables of 20-40
going. Maybe 2-4 or 5-10 but TWO tables of 20-40? Not hardly. Then what
happens? One of the cops picks up a complete stranger at the BOWLING ALLEY and
brings him back to the game! Talk about a plot stretch. I just kept sinking
deeper and deeper into my chair. But don't worry. Damon had this game beat
for $4200!! $4200 is a SUPER win! Happens once or twice a year! (If that.
In fact, I have NEVER won $4200 in a 20-40 game!) Man; just take a hike when
your stupid friend shows up. You're a bright college kid--the best poker
player in town. A sharp pro beyond your years. No. I guess I'll stick around
and let my FRIEND deal me roll ups the rest of the night! In a room full of
cops your gonna try and pull that shit? Oh I forgot. This is the most
authentic poker movie ever made. But even if they DID catch them cheating they
would probably just take their money and throw their asses out. But no. It
was a knock down dirty punch out brawl. Cops no less. Those poor boys.
Remember the scene where Damon is talking to Turturro about when Johnny
Chan got into the poker game in Atlantic City. Every poker player in the room
and all of the CRAPS players stopped what they were doing to go over and watch
him play. Hello? Anybody in the aquarium? But hey, what are a few minor
errors? Right?
Couldn't they have hired a few local pros to sit in some of the poker
scenes to make it even LOOK real? The real scam in this movie is the expert
they hired to make sure everything looked "authentic." This guy must be half
way to Mexico by now. (Anybody out there? I'm available, and I would have
done it for half the price.)
And the next time you need a stake just sit in a game next to your friend
and grab a couple of stacks off of his pile. All experienced players know that
this is how it is done.
Oh, and if you need 10 grand. Simple. There is always a sympathetic
judge around to lend you some scratch.
Besides, when you double your 10K twice in the climactic scene and turn it
into 60K, you're always gonna end up just fine.
Other than that, I really liked the movie. * * Two stars
BobA928674
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(I didn't write the post that I pasted here, even though the author has the same first name--Bobby)
