Babylon Bee's 9 Ways To Assuage Your White Guilt
When you play pickup basketball, always let the black guys win: We know you could school them, but take it easy.
Paint your face black to honor your African American allies: Follow Justin Trudeau's excellent example.
Allow indigenous tribes who originally owned your land to camp out in your tool shed any time they want: Make sure your tool shed is OSHA compliant to avoid lawsuits.
Throw out your mayonnaise and mild hot sauce: You must repudiate the ways of the white man.
Get "1619" tattooed on your forearm: However, you'll have to stop flexing while saying, "Welcome to the gun show!" Words are violence.
Punch a white guy: Your black friends will now know you're an ally.
When you see a black person at the grocery store, ask him to forgive you for generational oppression: If he agrees to forgive you, explain that it was a trick question and forgiveness actually "perpetuates whiteness", then offer to educate him so he can do better.
Find a Mexican person and ask for permission anytime you want to go to Taco Bell: Do NOT ask them if their Abuela invented the Mexican Pizza.
If you see an African American in danger DO NOT HELP THEM: You don't want to be labeled a white savior.