So, you've heard all about the many jobs opening up in the Secret Service after the Trump Rally Debacle -- but do you have what it takes to be an elite guardian for the highest-ranking public servants in the nation?
We at the Babylon Bee have compiled a list of the 12 requirements that Secret Service recruiters are looking for. Do you measure up?
We at the Babylon Bee have compiled a list of the 12 requirements that Secret Service recruiters are looking for. Do you measure up?
- Ability to navigate deadly 5-degree roof pitch: Not for the faint of heart.
- Can holster a gun in under sixty seconds: Bonus points if you can get it in four tries.
- Able to avoid getting distracted by people screaming, "Hey, there's a guy with a gun on the roof.": Focus is key.
- Be less than 5'6" tall: Must be able to easily hide behind the President.
- Able to do at least two girl push-ups: Only the strongest can make the cut.
- Already owns sunglasses: The Secret Service is on a budget, after all.
- Can identify the most likely places for assassins to shoot from: Not to guard them, mind you. That's just what they would be expecting!
- Willing to shield the president with your body after he's already been shot: Patience is critical.
- Vision between 20/20 and 20/1,000: Just run in the direction of the screaming.
- Can pull off a 360-degree no-scope sniper headshot: While playing Call of Duty: Warzone, that is.
- Skilled at taking pictures of assassins setting up their shot: They will be very helpful later in seeing where the bullets came from.
- Ability to distinguish serious threats: Like a grandma with a small American flag as opposed to a non-threat like a crazed loner holding a rifle on top of a nearby building.
“I’m not supposed to be here,” Donald Trump told rousing crowds on Monday during his first speech since the assassination attempt on his life.
“Yes you are, yes you are,” was the response from the thousands gathered at the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee, to which the former US President replied: “Thank you, but I’m not. And I’ll tell you, I stand before you in this arena only by the grace of Almighty God.”
“Yes you are, yes you are,” was the response from the thousands gathered at the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee, to which the former US President replied: “Thank you, but I’m not. And I’ll tell you, I stand before you in this arena only by the grace of Almighty God.”
Trump Mania Runs Wild ReeEEeE Stream 07-19-24
Paid advertisement from: Blackout Coffee http://www.blackoutcoffee.com/salty promo code: SALTY for 20% off first purchase Tax Network USA Call Tax Network USA at 1(800)245-6000 or visit https://tnusa.
rumble.com
This is great because in the past the inside job angle would NEVER get questioned or pursued in the mainstream.
While OAN may not be mainstream to a large part of the public THEY ARE INDEED Mainstream to the Cuckservatives and Magoos
rumble.com
While OAN may not be mainstream to a large part of the public THEY ARE INDEED Mainstream to the Cuckservatives and Magoos
Chanel Rion: Does the Trump Assassination Attempt Have the Hallmarks of a CIA Operation?
SOURCE: https://x.com/ChanelRion/status/1814111611948302815 *** The Liberty Daily benefits when you shop using the following links and Code: TLD _ The Liberty Daily Recommends ONE Honest, America-Firs
rumble.com
OAN https://pluto.tv/us/live-tv/5e7cf6c7b156d500078c5f44This is great because in the past the inside job angle would NEVER get questioned or pursued in the mainstream.
While OAN may not be mainstream to a large part of the public THEY ARE INDEED Mainstream to the Cuckservatives and Magoos
Chanel Rion: Does the Trump Assassination Attempt Have the Hallmarks of a CIA Operation?
SOURCE: https://x.com/ChanelRion/status/1814111611948302815 *** The Liberty Daily benefits when you shop using the following links and Code: TLD _ The Liberty Daily Recommends ONE Honest, America-Firs
