Female Secret Service agents have caught a lot of backhanded remarks as the country has reacted to the recent shooting of Donald Trump. Some people even seem to think having Lady Secret Service agents might not be the best idea in every situation. That's absolute hogwash!
We at the Babylon Bee understand the critical role female agents play in the Secret Service, so we've put together this listicle to help underline all of the special talents these ladies bring to the table:
- They can hold up their little makeup mirror thingies to reflect the sun into the eyes of an assassin and blind him: He'll never see it coming.
- They have no qualms about recklessly running over curbs or pedestrians while driving the getaway car: They'll do this during normal motorcades too, though, so it's a bit of a double-edged sword.
- They have experience changing diapers: (Biden security detail only)
- They'll always make sure that everyone is safe and that no one gets hurt by standing on a slightly inclined roof: Safety comes first!
- They can do that cool move where the boy Secret Service agents lift them above their heads like cheerleaders to provide even more shielding to the president: Rah! Rah! Rah!
- Their high heels double as sharp stabby weapons: We've seen this in the movies.
- It's very easy for the President to reach over their short bodies to shake hands with the crowd: So convenient!
- They are extremely ferocious and deadly at about the same time each month: You'll be well protected, as long as you remain on their good side.
- You only need to pay them 78% of what a male Secret Service agent makes: Who says the government doesn't care about saving money?
- Their hair ties can double as a tourniquet in an emergency: As long as you can convince them to mess up their ponytails.
- They're great at kissing boo-boos: Nothing helps a bullet wound like a nice kiss to make it all better.
- They are every bit as strong and capable as men: Netflix films have proven this once and for all.
Libs of TikToc are on a mission
They are highlighting people who are backing the assasination attempt and "making them famous"
The Right doesnt loot or burn shit down BUT they can DAMN SURE raise serious hell on the internet for the famous.......
Here is just one example
www.shorenewsnetwork.com
Her FB and review sites of her business is getting slammed hard
They are highlighting people who are backing the assasination attempt and "making them famous"
The Right doesnt loot or burn shit down BUT they can DAMN SURE raise serious hell on the internet for the famous.......
Here is just one example
Owner of Florida Yoga Studio Celebrates Death of Firefighter Praises Trump Shooter
PORT CHARLOTTE, FL - Linda Peterson, the self-described owner of Luna Sheen Yoga in Port Charlotte, is involved in an internet firestorm over comments she
www.shorenewsnetwork.com
Her FB and review sites of her business is getting slammed hard
they are claiming this is a clerical error owning nearly 3/4 of all shorts on the planet of the DJT stock in addition to 34,000,000 (!) shares shorted of Rumble. as always, follow the money
and this is a firm that barely has $1B of AUM and had 120,000 of puts on one stock? for reference the 2nd most puts on this stock over the past 90 days is 16,770. They filed an amendment on Tue 7/16, the first one in the firm's history
and this is a firm that barely has $1B of AUM and had 120,000 of puts on one stock? for reference the 2nd most puts on this stock over the past 90 days is 16,770. They filed an amendment on Tue 7/16, the first one in the firm's history
Austin Private Wealth LLC is also connected to the late-President George H.W. Bush, who was a client, and through his son, President George W. Bush, who attended events and was involved in the company's charitable initiatives. Bush family close associate James A. Baker III, a former Secretary of State and H.W.’s White House Chief of Staff, has served as the firms Senior Policy Director since its inception in 2006. Being that this was the largest bet the firm has ever taken, it’s fair to presume Baker had a role in making it.
Lastly, Austin Private Wealth LLC, according to their website, directly supports the ACLU, ADL Austin, Shalom Austin, Jewish Community Center, Camp Young Judaea, Congregation Beth Israel, Austin Jewish Academy, and Hadassah.
