A man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman and figured that couldn't such a bad job. So, he calls in, he goes in and they hire him.
The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales. Five hours later he comes home having sold only one toothbrush. So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhood, thinking maybe those people would buy more toothbrushes. He ends up selling two toothbrushes.
So he goes to his boss for advice and his boss says, "Look, you gotta come up with a gimmick or something. That's the secret to every successful salesman."
So, the salesman thinks about it and, later that
night, he finally comes up with one. The next day, he sets up a booth near the subway with a sign that says "FREE CHIPS AND DIP!" A guy walks over and puts the chip in the dip and says, "This dip tastes like shit."
"Yeah," replied the salesman, "it is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
********
Walking through the woods, man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
"Just out of curiosity," he said, "what the hell are you doing?"
The second man replied, "I'm listening to the music of the tree."
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, would you like to give it a try?"
"Well, OK..." So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against it, at which point the other guy slaps a set of handcuffs
on him, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him naked and leaves.
Two hours later another man strolled by, finds
this guy handcuffed to the tree, stark ass naked, and asks, "What the hell happened to you?"
So the first guy tells the whole story about how he got there. While he was telling his story, the other guy shakes his head in sympathy, walks
around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says, "This isn't shaping up to be your day, is it man?"
The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales. Five hours later he comes home having sold only one toothbrush. So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhood, thinking maybe those people would buy more toothbrushes. He ends up selling two toothbrushes.
So he goes to his boss for advice and his boss says, "Look, you gotta come up with a gimmick or something. That's the secret to every successful salesman."
So, the salesman thinks about it and, later that
night, he finally comes up with one. The next day, he sets up a booth near the subway with a sign that says "FREE CHIPS AND DIP!" A guy walks over and puts the chip in the dip and says, "This dip tastes like shit."
"Yeah," replied the salesman, "it is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
********
Walking through the woods, man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
"Just out of curiosity," he said, "what the hell are you doing?"
The second man replied, "I'm listening to the music of the tree."
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, would you like to give it a try?"
"Well, OK..." So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against it, at which point the other guy slaps a set of handcuffs
on him, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him naked and leaves.
Two hours later another man strolled by, finds
this guy handcuffed to the tree, stark ass naked, and asks, "What the hell happened to you?"
So the first guy tells the whole story about how he got there. While he was telling his story, the other guy shakes his head in sympathy, walks
around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says, "This isn't shaping up to be your day, is it man?"
Billy Bob and Joe Bob were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob said to Joe Bob, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation."
Joe Bob replied, "Y'all ought to go to Acapulco. I hear it's real nice."
Bill Bob cast a sideways glance at Joe Bob and said, "Hell no ... I'm done taking your advice for vacations. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Darlene got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Darlene got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Darlene didn't get pregnant again."
Joe Bob said, "So, what you gonna do this
year?" To which Billy Bob replied, "Well, that there Acapulco sounds nice. Reckon I'll go there. Only this year, Darlene's comin' with me, dammit."
********
Two ninety year old men, Moe and Sam, have been
friends all their lives. When Sam was on his deathbed Moe came to visit him.
"Sam," said Moe, "You know how we have both played and loved baseball all our lives. Sam, you have to do me one favor. When you go, somehow you've got to tell me if there's baseball in heaven."
Sam looked up at Moe from his death bed and said, "Moe, you've been my friend many years. This favor I'll do for you." And with that, he passed on.
A few nights later, at the stroke of midnight, Moe was waken from a sound sleep by a distant voice that called out to him, "Moe ... Moe ..."
"Who is it?" he said, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Moe, it's Sam."
"Come on. You're not Sam. Sam died."
"I'm telling you," insists the voice. "It's me, Sam!"
"Sam? Is that you? Where are you?"
"I'm in heaven," says Sam, "and I've got to tell you, I've got some good news and some bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.
"The good news," says Sam "is that there is baseball in heaven."
"Really?" says Moe, "That's wonderful! What's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Tuesday."
Joe Bob replied, "Y'all ought to go to Acapulco. I hear it's real nice."
Bill Bob cast a sideways glance at Joe Bob and said, "Hell no ... I'm done taking your advice for vacations. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Darlene got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Darlene got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Darlene didn't get pregnant again."
Joe Bob said, "So, what you gonna do this
year?" To which Billy Bob replied, "Well, that there Acapulco sounds nice. Reckon I'll go there. Only this year, Darlene's comin' with me, dammit."
********
Two ninety year old men, Moe and Sam, have been
friends all their lives. When Sam was on his deathbed Moe came to visit him.
"Sam," said Moe, "You know how we have both played and loved baseball all our lives. Sam, you have to do me one favor. When you go, somehow you've got to tell me if there's baseball in heaven."
Sam looked up at Moe from his death bed and said, "Moe, you've been my friend many years. This favor I'll do for you." And with that, he passed on.
A few nights later, at the stroke of midnight, Moe was waken from a sound sleep by a distant voice that called out to him, "Moe ... Moe ..."
"Who is it?" he said, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Moe, it's Sam."
"Come on. You're not Sam. Sam died."
"I'm telling you," insists the voice. "It's me, Sam!"
"Sam? Is that you? Where are you?"
"I'm in heaven," says Sam, "and I've got to tell you, I've got some good news and some bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.
"The good news," says Sam "is that there is baseball in heaven."
"Really?" says Moe, "That's wonderful! What's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Tuesday."
Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.
To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."
Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.
Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "You know, Mom, sometimes you really piss me off."
********
What do you give a paedophile who has everything?
A bigger parish.
To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."
Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.
Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "You know, Mom, sometimes you really piss me off."
********
What do you give a paedophile who has everything?
A bigger parish.
Man that is funny.
I can tottaly relate to that. You know, when I was teenager these really hot relegious chics would stop by passing out brochores, the ones you dont see the next time around if you say 'OK, I'll read them' And when I was ready to grab these brochores from a Jehova's witness who was hot and like 17 my mom just comes from behind me and says something firm pat and slams the door. I just spent the whole rest of the day thinking about that beautiful girl and what could have been, pissed off at mom.
The initial pass out of the brochores from hot babes is just a marketing gimmick, I found out the hard way later on. I was really thinking hot 17 or 18 year old women would be in my living room air headidly talking to me about god, while rob smoothly changes the subject. It just doesnt work that way.
I can tottaly relate to that. You know, when I was teenager these really hot relegious chics would stop by passing out brochores, the ones you dont see the next time around if you say 'OK, I'll read them' And when I was ready to grab these brochores from a Jehova's witness who was hot and like 17 my mom just comes from behind me and says something firm pat and slams the door. I just spent the whole rest of the day thinking about that beautiful girl and what could have been, pissed off at mom.
The initial pass out of the brochores from hot babes is just a marketing gimmick, I found out the hard way later on. I was really thinking hot 17 or 18 year old women would be in my living room air headidly talking to me about god, while rob smoothly changes the subject. It just doesnt work that way.
