HONDO
Football Week 6
Hondo clawed his way back to the .500 mark in Week 5 with a strong 9-5 record that moved him ahead of a few of the run-of-the-mill also-rans in the Bettor’s Guide.
As for the four journeymen in front of him, the scouting reports indicate they could be lacking the stamina for the long haul, like Hillary Clinton, which is encouraging.
Giants over Ravens: Ben McAdoo, by all outward appearances, has remained cool and calm during the Giants’ three-game losing streak. That could be because of his basic coaching philosophy: Talk softly and wear a big suit.
McAdoo might want to whisper to Eli Manning in his low-key manner that if he doesn’t raise his performance level, he will be watching the playoffs for a fifth straight season.
Odell Beckham Jr. wore gloves with the words “just smile” on them against the Packers. More appropriate might be: “Just catch the ball,” or “Just don’t run to the sideline and kiss the kicker’s net after you score a TD when you’re well on your way to a third straight loss and last place in the NFC East.”
Bengals over Patriots: According to recently released emails, there was collusion among the media, the Justice Department and the White House to assist Hillary Clinton win the nomination and eventually the election. Obviously, it takes a village to get a liar elected.
Saints over Panthers: A cat snarled subway traffic on the 7 train line near Times Square on Sunday. Donald Trump says if he were there he would have just grabbed the pussy and moved it.
Steelers over Dolphins: Robert De Niro directed a stream of curses at Trump on a get-out-the-vote video in which he closed with how he wants to “punch him in the face.” Somebody might want to explain to the 73-year-old actor, he’s only a movie tough guy.
Bears over Jaguars: NFL ratings are down significantly this year. Stinkers like this one won’t help the situation.
49ers over Bills: All that pregame praying on the sidelines Colin Kaepernick has been doing finally paid off with a start in Buffalo.
Lions over Rams: Saddam Hussein reportedly punished dissidents in a torture chamber at the Mission of Iraq, which is located near former Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s home on East 79th Street. Rumor has it the SuperNanny’s crib has a similar dungeon-like facility he uses to punish those he catches drinking too many Big Gulps, cooking with transfats, or smoking.
Titans over Browns: Jim Carrey allegedly gave Cathriona White, his late girlfriend, three STDs, according to a lawsuit by her family. If that is proven to be true, his career could be going, going gono!
Redskins over Eagles: Hillary, according to one of her hacked emails, wrote: “Politics is like sausage being made. It is unsavory.” But didn’t Bill Clinton tell Gennifer Flowers that Hillary didn’t know anything about that sort of thing?
Chiefs over Raiders: In the same email, The Pantsuit admits to taking “a public and private position” on issues, the way Abe Lincoln did when he was trying to get the 13th Amendment passed. That’s not the only thing she has in common with Lincoln. Honest Abe always told the truth, while Hillary, when asked by CBS’ Scott Pelley if she always tells the truth, responded: “I’ve always tried to.”
And Lincoln and Clinton also have famous quotes. For example Abe said: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time. Hillary might have said: You can lie to some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, and, if you’re good enough, you can lie to all of the people all of the time.
Seahawks over Falcons: The 12th Angry Man will help cool down Matty Ice.
Packers over Cowboys: With the ’Boys having won four straight, a quarterback controversy grows in Dallas. Nevertheless, even if Jason Garrett decides to start Tony Romo when he is healthy over Dak Prescott, history indicates Dak soon will be back.
Colts over Texans: Hondo hears if the president thing for some reason doesn’t work out for Trump, he and Billy Bush will revive their “locker room” banter from 2005 and take it on the road in a show called, “The Vagina Dialogues.”
Jets over Cardinals: It’s a shame the Jets didn’t do all they could to save Eric Decker’s season before putting him on season-ending injured reserve. As long as they are heading to Arizona, they at least should have brought him along and given Tim Tebow a crack at healing the receiver’s injured shoulder.
Timid Todd Bowles needs to take a crash course from Riverboat Ron Rivera on knowing when to hold ’em, and when to fold ’em.
Tight end Austin Seferian-Jenkins, who told cops he had to “take a huge s—” when they busted him recently for DUI, caught two passes for 17 yards in his Jets debut last week. If he can increase his production just a little bit, word is he will be in line for an endorsement deal with UPS, aka Big Brown.
Best bets: Lions, Titans, Chiefs.
Thursday:Chargers (W)