If you're going to get your labia pierced, be sure you know what a "labia" is, especially if you're a twelve-year-old boy.
A public service announcement from Phaedrus.
A public service announcement from Phaedrus.
Two very nice teenage girls decided to bake some homemade cookies and pass them around to their neighbours for free.
One of the neighbours sued them -- for coming over to her house with free cookies.
This of course is a natural for the Dumbässes thread, but the idiot whore is simply eclipsed by the idiot whore judge who actually ruled in her favour, not because the girls did anything wrong, but because they shouldn't have been out late at night.
I mean really, that one just makes you have to think about moving to Paraguay.
Phaedrus
One of the neighbours sued them -- for coming over to her house with free cookies.
This of course is a natural for the Dumbässes thread, but the idiot whore is simply eclipsed by the idiot whore judge who actually ruled in her favour, not because the girls did anything wrong, but because they shouldn't have been out late at night.
I mean really, that one just makes you have to think about moving to Paraguay.
Phaedrus
Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
TECH: "Went away?"
CUSTOMER: "They disappeared."
TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUSTOMER: "Nothing."
TECH: "Nothing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I tell?"
TECH: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
CUSTOMER: "What's a sea-prompt?"
TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CUSTOMER: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUSTOMER: "What's a monitor?"
TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUSTOMER: "I don't know."
TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUSTOMER:..."Yes, I think so."
TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUSTOMER: ......."Yes, it is."
TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUSTOMER: "No."
TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUSTOMER: ......"Okay, here it is."
TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUSTOMER: "I can't reach."
TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUSTOMER: "No."
TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUSTOMER: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
TECH: "Dark?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUSTOMER: "I can't."
TECH: "No? Why not?"
CUSTOMER: "Because there's a power outage."
TECH: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUSTOMER: "Really? Is it that bad?"
TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUSTOMER: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
TECH: "Went away?"
CUSTOMER: "They disappeared."
TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUSTOMER: "Nothing."
TECH: "Nothing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I tell?"
TECH: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
CUSTOMER: "What's a sea-prompt?"
TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CUSTOMER: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUSTOMER: "What's a monitor?"
TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUSTOMER: "I don't know."
TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUSTOMER:..."Yes, I think so."
TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUSTOMER: ......."Yes, it is."
TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUSTOMER: "No."
TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUSTOMER: ......"Okay, here it is."
TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUSTOMER: "I can't reach."
TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUSTOMER: "No."
TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUSTOMER: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
TECH: "Dark?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUSTOMER: "I can't."
TECH: "No? Why not?"
CUSTOMER: "Because there's a power outage."
TECH: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUSTOMER: "Really? Is it that bad?"
TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUSTOMER: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Phaedrus, you'll appreciate this web site
Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
For all of you aspiring gangster/jewel thieves types, a bit of advice:
--> If you steal an engagement ring for your girlfriend,
--> but she doesn't know you stole it,
--> don't claim that the place from which you factually stole it is the place from which you allegedly bought it.
-->Because:
-->that is the natural choice of places for her to take it to get resized.
Phaedrus
--> If you steal an engagement ring for your girlfriend,
--> but she doesn't know you stole it,
--> don't claim that the place from which you factually stole it is the place from which you allegedly bought it.
-->Because:
-->that is the natural choice of places for her to take it to get resized.
Phaedrus
