Trust me - I know that SOB called me "Cum Boy"!!
He had a ton of "LT-ism's".
HDFM = a Heavy Duty F*ck Machine (in reference to a really hot chick)
"She was wearing CFM's!" = She was wearing sexy/slutty high heels "Come F*ck Me's"
"Let's go get some Buf's!" (pronounced B-you'f's, like Buford). Checker's Drive Thru sold two "Big Buford's" for like $3 and he always wanted to go get "a couple of Buf's!"
When we'd go to UF games, we'd have to park about a mile from the stadium and he'd b*tch the whole time, "Oh, G*d damn!! Ya'll are making me do the Bataan Death March again!" (he had bad knees).
He called his wife "Baby C" (and she hated it) - when they first got married in the late 60's the phone number they had must have belonged to a black family. They'd get a call from somebody always looking for "Baby C". They'd call and say, "Baby C? Baby C, is that you?" So he started calling his wife Baby C.
For those that knew him, he always talked about his glory days of playing semi-pro slow pitch softball (yes, that was a thing). He played on a team that traveled the country and they won several national championships. He was the pitcher. He said everytime he struck somebody out his teammates would do this thing with their hands suggesting that LT's pitches just "melted their bats".
He went to the very first Super Bowl and wore a white suit. He was sitting in the end zone and tried to catch one of the extra point attempts and got clobbered by other people doing the same thing and ruined his suit.
He always went to a coffee shop near his house and would hang out reading the paper (and annoying anyone who came in there!) called "The Coffee Cup Cafe" - he'd say, "Meet me at the Cum Cup!"
He hated when I got drunk on bourbon at Gator games: "Oh G*d Damn!! Don't let that Cum Boy drink anymore of that brown liquor!!"
He'd bet on college basketball games, sometimes $5K+ and he didn't even know the mascot for the team...he'd say, "Hoosier Daddy on the RX said this is a lock!"
His best buddy on the FD's son was also a firefighter and he was overweight (the son). The son's wife died unexpectedly. They were talking about it at the station one morning and a Captain that nobody really like named Louie Arturo said "Bluto must of rolled over on her". He thought everyone would laugh....LT got up and punched him in the face.
When we'd get a good nap at the station and then catch a call, we'll all pile into the fire engine and he'd say, "Hey Cum Boy. We STOLE one!" (stole a good nap w/out getting a call).
Back in the day (when LT came on the job - well before I did) they'd have whores come up to the station and hang out all day, he called them "dirty legs". "We had a couple of dirty legs up at the station and everyone got a blow job!"
He usually had about $100K in his off-shore accounts at any given time and his wife had no clue about it.
In the 70's he was a bookie. He got busted and had to do weekends at the "pea farm". He said he had dirt on a lot of people. One of them was a famous HS football coach named Corky Rogers (who won 5 or more state titles as the head coach at Bolles HS - the same HS that Chipper Jones went to).
The first time he ever played golf he was unaware of the etiquette you're supposed to use on the golf course - the day he played was very hot so he and the guy he was playing the round with took off their shirts. He said a couple of holes later the course ranger guy pulled up on a golf cart and said "What in the F*CK do you think you're doing?!?!" They said, "What?" They ended up getting thrown off the course!
If he had a big winning day he'd take us all out to Outback late Saturday nights. If he had a bad day he's say "I had a T.W.O." - a "total wipe out".
He was a character, to say the least!
He'll be missed.
One more:
When he was playing softball, he would call in sick all the time (sometimes all the vacation leave gets used up if you wait too late to schedule leave). So one weekend he called in sick, played in a tournament....and his picture was in the Florida Times Union the following Monday.
Once the chief came in and was pissed that LT was sleeping in his bunk. He said, "I don't want to catch you sleeping in your bunk again!" (there were hours you weren't supposed to nap). So LT laid down on the floor and fell asleep. The chief came in and said, "WTF! I told you I didn't want to catch you sleeping!" LT said, "No, you said not to sleep in my bunk."
When he was playing softball, he would call in sick all the time (sometimes all the vacation leave gets used up if you wait too late to schedule leave). So one weekend he called in sick, played in a tournament....and his picture was in the Florida Times Union the following Monday.
Once the chief came in and was pissed that LT was sleeping in his bunk. He said, "I don't want to catch you sleeping in your bunk again!" (there were hours you weren't supposed to nap). So LT laid down on the floor and fell asleep. The chief came in and said, "WTF! I told you I didn't want to catch you sleeping!" LT said, "No, you said not to sleep in my bunk."
Here's the obituary:
https://www.legacy.com/amp/obituari...":"8a6302da490d4a8fa4d130e97aa655aebb2d9b52"}
Turner
Lonnie A. Turner (July 14, 1945- July 7, 2020) beloved husband, father, grandfather, and friend passed away peacefully at Earl B. Hadlow Community Hospice in Jacksonville, Florida.
To the end, he was quite the character and had a warm smile and hug for everyone. He never met a stranger! He was known for his humor and wit, for being an avid Gator fan, for spoiling his dogs, and most importantly for loving his family. He graduated from Landon High School in 1963, attended Jacksonville University and joined the Jacksonville Fire Rescue Department where he worked until his retirement in 2003 from Station 27. He pitched for nationally ranked champions Warren Motors Softball Team. He was known by all to be a funny man with a sweet soul who was always willing to give to others. He had stories, jokes, and nicknames for everyone! He was the Mayor of the Coffee Cup Café, had a breakfast club at McDonald's, hung out at Barnes & Noble and Tinseltown movies and was known to be out shaking hands and kissing babies! He loved college football, Blue Bell ice cream and was a card-carrying Blue Bell Ranger. In his later years, he spent his time with his three grandsons, Patrick, Wyatt and Drew, teaching them the important things in life like being able to arm wrestle, spin a basketball on their fingers, and pop a ball with their bicep. His grandsons brought him happiness and joy. He is smiling down on us with his son, Lon, and his family who have passed, reminding us to love and be there for one another.
He is survived by his wife of 54 years, Sue, daughter Sunny Turner Hartigan, son-in-law Joe Hartigan, grandsons Patrick, Watt and Drew Hartigan, brothers Johnny Turner and Bruce Turner, sisters Gina Stufflestreet and Kathy Perusse and many nieces, nephews, and friends.
Services will be held at a later date due to COVID. Memorials may be made in his name to the Alzheimer's Association at ALZ.org/tribute.
Please Sign the Guestbook @ Jacksonville.com
https://www.legacy.com/amp/obituari...":"8a6302da490d4a8fa4d130e97aa655aebb2d9b52"}
Turner
Lonnie A. Turner (July 14, 1945- July 7, 2020) beloved husband, father, grandfather, and friend passed away peacefully at Earl B. Hadlow Community Hospice in Jacksonville, Florida.
To the end, he was quite the character and had a warm smile and hug for everyone. He never met a stranger! He was known for his humor and wit, for being an avid Gator fan, for spoiling his dogs, and most importantly for loving his family. He graduated from Landon High School in 1963, attended Jacksonville University and joined the Jacksonville Fire Rescue Department where he worked until his retirement in 2003 from Station 27. He pitched for nationally ranked champions Warren Motors Softball Team. He was known by all to be a funny man with a sweet soul who was always willing to give to others. He had stories, jokes, and nicknames for everyone! He was the Mayor of the Coffee Cup Café, had a breakfast club at McDonald's, hung out at Barnes & Noble and Tinseltown movies and was known to be out shaking hands and kissing babies! He loved college football, Blue Bell ice cream and was a card-carrying Blue Bell Ranger. In his later years, he spent his time with his three grandsons, Patrick, Wyatt and Drew, teaching them the important things in life like being able to arm wrestle, spin a basketball on their fingers, and pop a ball with their bicep. His grandsons brought him happiness and joy. He is smiling down on us with his son, Lon, and his family who have passed, reminding us to love and be there for one another.
He is survived by his wife of 54 years, Sue, daughter Sunny Turner Hartigan, son-in-law Joe Hartigan, grandsons Patrick, Watt and Drew Hartigan, brothers Johnny Turner and Bruce Turner, sisters Gina Stufflestreet and Kathy Perusse and many nieces, nephews, and friends.
Services will be held at a later date due to COVID. Memorials may be made in his name to the Alzheimer's Association at ALZ.org/tribute.
Please Sign the Guestbook @ Jacksonville.com
This saddens me to no end. Coach LT was a character like everyone says and one of my Top 5 favorite posters of all time. I considered him a friend. He and I used to call each other on a frequent basis but he eventually quit posting and quit calling me.
Thanks for filling us in Chris (Coach CB). How are things going with your life?
Just a few comments on your post:
So he was the pitcher of "slow" pitch softball. How is it possible anyone strikes out?
He told me about getting arrested and his wife was pretty pissed at him. He said it almost lead to a divorce but they worked things out.
As far as the acronyms go, I remember Coach LT and Coach CB and I taking the elevator up the parking garage outside the Golden Nugget after a bash. He was talking about BSLs. "BSL" stood for "Boom Shacka Lacka". LOL.
Hey QL,
LT said his pitch had a really high arc and sometimes opposing hitters hadn't seen those types of pitches too often and they'd whiff....that's when he "melted their bats".
Yes, he liked to use BSL a lot!!
He probably stopped calling because he got dementia, then Alzheimer's and he went south pretty quickly - over about a 2 to 4 year period (maybe 5 years?).
He would have turned 75 years old on July 14th.
Things are good here. I retire from active duty on Sept 1st. I retired early from the fire department and have been milking the Coast Guard for the last 12 years. Hoping to move back to Florida in the next 12 months. Waiting to see how this virus impacts employment opportunities in Florida. I start working at the treasury dept in September.
Hope you're doing well. Hopefully we'll have a college football season!
