A bidet just splashes your ass. Doesn't remove all that shit.
I keep one of these in my pocket at all times:
I have one of these on my toilet:
Yeah well thats what soap and toilet paper are for beavis, You are supposed to wash your butthole then your hands, keep your metrosexual nuclear buttwipes to yourself. FFAAGG.
I dont like the looks of that thing..It has fagggot written all over it..On the other hand I do beleive 90% of the human race walks around with dirty asses..I do not even buy toilet paper..My shower head handle is removable soo you can clean yourself extra good ( Shower head point blank at the ass etc)..When I poop I drop my draws..step in the shower and wash my ass otherwise 5 minutes later my ass hole feels irritated..
My female roomates have recently admitted they use the shower head on massage mode to masterbate..I kept finding the thing on massage mode ( which I do not use) and now I know why..
POOP GRENADES TOO:..Like I have written before..Sometimes to conserve septic tank space I shit in the front yard..First I pull the hose all the way where I am hidden from view if any of my 3 female roomies comes out suddenly, or from one of thems window view..Then I turn on the garden hose..I kneel over and shit in my hand..I immediately throw it over the hedge into the middle of the street..It gives me a strange euphoric feeling knowing my neighbors will be driving and walking by my poo poo..In the past few years I would hurdle the poop grenade over the hedge into the neighbors yard..then one night he parked one of his cars in a different locaation and when I threw the poop grenade over the hedge at 2 in the morning I heard a large mettalic thud and a car alarm go off..
When I left the house later that day I saw my neighbor swearing and scraping shit that had dried like concrete off of his minivan hood with his hose and a paint scraper..I asked him "what the hell happened?" he replied " some god damned dog or cat took a shit on my hood"..I replied " that sucks" and drove off knowing all along that it was my shit..So now I throw all my poop grenades in the center of the street ( my dogs may eat it if I leave it in my yard) and than I wash my ass with my garden hose..I hold it point blank to my ass hole and put a finger over the tip of the hose to build pressure and the water goes a little up my ass to clean out the left overs..this leaves your ass squeaky clean and avoids anal irritation
awesome
what a twisted mfer
