Everyone in Oregon except for about six people are now terrorists. Hard to believe, but true.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines terrorism as "The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons."
Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary defines terrorism somewhat more nebulously: "The act of terrorizing, or state of being terrorized; a mode of government by terror or intimidation."
Princeton University's online dictionary defines terrosim as "the systematic use of violence as a means to intimidate or coerce societies or governments."
However, in Oregon, under new Senate Bill 742, you are a terrorist if you give or receive a bribe, impersonate a law officer or any other government employee, disagree with a government-mandated child custody determination, have anything whatsoever to do with the production, sale, maintainance, or purchasing of child pornography; steal, use a vehicle which you are not licenced or not authorised to use, steal mail, read other people's mail without their permission, launder money, buy or sell stolen goods (with or without your knowledge that said goods are stolen) possession of "burglar's tools" (no definition is given for these items) commit "computer crime," perform unlawful duplicates of audio or video media, perform unauthorised recording of any event, committing forgery, committing a "criminal simulation" (which I think is my favourite -- wtf is a criminal simulation???) factor a credit card transaction in an unlawful manner (factoring credit card transactions means to purchase receipts for pending credit card receipts ata discounted rate; Phaedrus can only assume that to do so in an *unlawful* manner is another way of saying to do so without letting the state know about it) giving, receiving, soliciting, or facilitating a sports-related bribe (thank God the University of Alabama is not in Oregon!) prostitution, GAMBLING, animal abuse other than dogfighting, dogfighting (which for some reason gets it's own spot on the list), "unauthorised use of a livestock animal" (what the hell are they doing up there in Oregon!?) driving with a suspended driver's licence and/or under the influence of alcohol, and unlawful distribution of cigarettes (either to minors or from smuggling)
Amazingly enough, that's just twnty-five of the 132 things that if you are caught doing in Oregon, you might be a terrorist. Jeff Foxworthy's agent is foaming at the mouth from this opportunity to possibly revive the "You Might be a Redneck If .." comedian's floundering career.
Phaedrus
The American Heritage Dictionary defines terrorism as "The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons."
Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary defines terrorism somewhat more nebulously: "The act of terrorizing, or state of being terrorized; a mode of government by terror or intimidation."
Princeton University's online dictionary defines terrosim as "the systematic use of violence as a means to intimidate or coerce societies or governments."
However, in Oregon, under new Senate Bill 742, you are a terrorist if you give or receive a bribe, impersonate a law officer or any other government employee, disagree with a government-mandated child custody determination, have anything whatsoever to do with the production, sale, maintainance, or purchasing of child pornography; steal, use a vehicle which you are not licenced or not authorised to use, steal mail, read other people's mail without their permission, launder money, buy or sell stolen goods (with or without your knowledge that said goods are stolen) possession of "burglar's tools" (no definition is given for these items) commit "computer crime," perform unlawful duplicates of audio or video media, perform unauthorised recording of any event, committing forgery, committing a "criminal simulation" (which I think is my favourite -- wtf is a criminal simulation???) factor a credit card transaction in an unlawful manner (factoring credit card transactions means to purchase receipts for pending credit card receipts ata discounted rate; Phaedrus can only assume that to do so in an *unlawful* manner is another way of saying to do so without letting the state know about it) giving, receiving, soliciting, or facilitating a sports-related bribe (thank God the University of Alabama is not in Oregon!) prostitution, GAMBLING, animal abuse other than dogfighting, dogfighting (which for some reason gets it's own spot on the list), "unauthorised use of a livestock animal" (what the hell are they doing up there in Oregon!?) driving with a suspended driver's licence and/or under the influence of alcohol, and unlawful distribution of cigarettes (either to minors or from smuggling)
Amazingly enough, that's just twnty-five of the 132 things that if you are caught doing in Oregon, you might be a terrorist. Jeff Foxworthy's agent is foaming at the mouth from this opportunity to possibly revive the "You Might be a Redneck If .." comedian's floundering career.
Phaedrus
