The Ultimate List!....List your favorite

[Paterno]

I expected my thread to be moved here but it was able to get by in offshore so I have to post here. Please list your favorite!


List of sex moves

From Encyclopedia Dramatica


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For Women

• The Happy Dyke Read the list of sex moves below, written by men for men. Then, become a lesbian, turn invisible, and marry your partner's dildo.

[edit]
For Men

• "I-Did-Her-Odd" You drill a chick silly like while pouring vodka and seal fat on her. Finish up and have her pull you in a sled while she's naked in the snow. Like the Iditarod.
• 11, The All you've got to do is force your girl to give you a blowjob - but here's the twist. When you're about to go, don't tell her! The cum will go into her mouth so fast and hard that it will run out of her nose. Two vertical lines: 11.
• 22, The Basically the same as The 11. However, when the cum is pouring down, rotate her head. First clockwise, then counter clockwise, and then a quick turn clockwise. There are many variations of this, and some score higher than others. A flawless 48 is a suitable topic for a dinner conversation; all your friends will surely envy you for such an achievement. For even more fun and joy, compete with your friends; don´t forget to switch girlfriends since your best chum might be keeping the sought-after 94 that you need to complete your collection.
• 3211, The also similar to The 11. You queen the girl, and when you think that she has done her duty, expel your bowels in her mouth, stick your man meat in her cookie crusher, sit on her mouth, and double elbow her in the gut forcing the used food through her nose. Then the method splits. 1,Classic-You sit down with her neck in your groin and do the good-old turning. 2,Football-Stand up and kick her head to achieve the desired number. Remember, use Sir Newton to your advantage to create new sequences, since a higher angle of attack grants longer time for creation. You may also choose to create your masterpiece on a different part of her face. The Coup de Grace is the Zinedine Zidane throwing a cascade of precious bodily fluids into the air, thus with the help of old Newton destroying your creation and proving that art is only worthy in the moment of creation.
• 40 and Plum This is when you take a chick 40 miles out of town and plum off the road to fuck.
• The 69er Similar to the Canadian Jackhammer, but better. While stand-up 69ing with a chick, unexpectedly jizz all over her face, clutch her legs, and piledrive her to the ground. Then, you have the option of throwing her in a ditch or in a dumpster.
• A.F.G.P. The Ass Fuck Gut Punch is not a move for amateurs of ass fucking. While fucking a girl in the ass from behind (and timing is everything on this move), you quickly punch the bitch in her gut. This must be done without warning for full effect, as it will cause her to flinch with pain, thus tightening her anus as you pull out with a fresh, clean dick - free of shit thanks to the A.F.G.P.
• Abe Lincoln
  Desired end result.
  
  
  You must be a male in order to perform the Abe Lincoln. One must be careful when performing the Abe Lincoln, as precision with both cock and hand as well as a good poker face are necessary to successfully pull it off. In order to perform the Abe Lincoln, you first convince your partner to shave your balls, or convince her to let you shave her hairy muff. While shaving, and after completion, you must be careful to conceal the fresh shavings in your hand. Next, you fuck her brains out as you please, covertly keeping the fresh pube clippings in your hand and keeping a straight face. When you are approaching orgasm, you must make sure to have the girl on her back. When the baby batter has been sufficiently mixed and is ready to come out, you cum around her jawline and mouth. Before she has a chance to say anything or wipe it off, you throw the fresh shavings onto her unsuspecting visage, creating an Abe-Lincolnesque scruffy beard. This is recommended for first sexual encounters, sexual encounters at her workplace or sexual encounters in any area where there is no nearby access to water so that the beard cannot be immediately cleaned from her face.
• Aikido Lean her over a table from a standing position and do her from behind. While doing her, grab her arms, pull them around behind her and hold her wrists together with one hand. If you feel obligated, lift up on them and make her yell.
• Actual Food Sex Make sure your bitch is done with a nice romantic dinner, then when you get her in the mood to fuck, act like your going to stick it in her cunt, but actually fuck the living daylights out of her bellybutton, making it food sex, sorta! (Warning: You must be asian to have a small enough dick for this to work.)
• Alaskan Firedragon Stick it in her mouth, and right before you're about to bust, scream 'I have AIDS!' and donkey punch her. Then strangle her and shove the cum down her throat. She'll get so scared that the cum will fire out of her nose, along with blood. There is another variation of this, where after you bust, cover their mouth with your hand, and whisper in their ear "I have syphilis.", causing a similar reaction as above. No violence necessary.
• Alaskan Heatstroke Invite a girl over on a chilly fall night for a quiet evening of star gazing, secrets, and herbal tea. Sit her down outside and once the tea boils pour it directly down her throat. When the ensuing scream occurs, stuff your dick down her throat for an extra toasty treat on an cold night.
• Alaskan Pipeline After a girl takes a shit, she sticks the shit in the freezer. After twenty-four hours take it out and masturbate.

• Alexander Graham Bell One chick blows the daylights out of your cock while her friend puts her ear up to your ass. The first chick talks while blowing you. The second listens in. They try and communicate telefuckingly.
• Ambushed Paddington, The When you’re fucking your girl, just as you’re about to pop grab her teddy bear and cum all over its face. Paddington has been ambushed!
• Angry Dragon, The You’re getting head from a girl who doesn't want you to bust in her mouth, so she tells you to let her know before you’re about to bust. As she’s doing her work, just before you bust, hold her head down, bust your nut in her mouth, then hold her mouth shut and punch her in the stomach so it comes out her nose.
• Anal This is when you put your one-eyed monster in her butthole. Almost like a vagina, 'cept its ok to blow your load in there without having a fucking kid!
• Best Anal First, you find an elderly black man, then you fuck him with your 2 inch penis that bends sharply upward. As you are doing this, yell out the name of your mother as loudly as possible, then jump off a building into highway traffic.
• Angry Pirate A girl is sucking you off and you bust in her eye, so it's an eye patch, then you kick her in the shin as hard as you can to break it so she's hopping on one leg and saying "arrrrr". Works better if she has a parrot on her shoulder and a hook for a hand, but hey, it's still fuckin' fun!
• April Fools Make sure it is April 1st, then come up to a girl that can't get any or is really desperate and start making moves on her. When you get to the bedroom and she gets naked (leave yours on for easy exit) shout out, "APRIL FOOLS!", and then leave.
• Baby's Breath While having sex with a pregnant woman, the baby gives you head.
• Back Breaker Double Fishhook You must be bangin' your girl from behind, she must be takin' a wild ***** bangin' hardcore action from you in a sittin' reverse ridin' position on top of you, layin' her arms floatin' around you, with her head on layin' on the left, then you double fishhook her and continue bangin' her ***** from behind, and remember: KEEP THE DOUBLE FISHHOOK ON THE BITCH!! One last thing: You must be doin' it sittin' on somethin' like a sofa or whatever.
• Back Door Pickle Tickler While you have your cock in a chick's ***** missionary style you stick your finger in her ass 'til you can feel your knob, then you start tickling it.
• Baked Chicken Lie on your back and pull your knees to your chest. Spread your knees as wide as you can so you look like a baked chicken. Then have your woman lick your asshole.
• Bangalangher Just bang the hell out of her...
• Beetle Clip Stick your thumb in her ***** and your index finger in her ass and try your damndest to touch your fingers together!
• Beverly Hills Twister Get a chick that thinks she is God's gift to men. While tagging her from behind, stick both index fingers in her ass digging out as much shit as possible. Then stick your fingers up her nostrils and tell her, "You think your shit don't stink now, bitch?"
• Bismarck Get her to begin giving you a blowjob and just when you are about to blow it, pull out and shoot it right in her eye and then clench your fist to punch her right in the same eye as you yell out "Bismarck!"
• Bite "down" When you are doin' the chick from behind and you can tell she is about to climax, you grab her arms and put them behind her back. Naturally her head is going to go down because she can't hold it up. Her face is in the pillow and she is breathing hard; basically, she is suffocating. When she starts to gasp for air and can't breathe, pull her up and shove it deep. The head rush and the adrenaline will get her off quicker than a *** at a hot dog stand.
• Blumpkin While dropping a deuce, talk your woman into giving you a hummer. She will really appreciate the smell.
• Bob Marley Begin this by fucking her doggy style or by getting head. When you're ready to blow your load, let it fly in her hair and then make her twist it together like dread locks - she will look just like Bob Marley.
• Bombs over Baghdad Position the girl so she is doing a handstand in front of you facing you. Pull her legs around you and proceed to rail her, and when you are all ready to shoot your jizz, see if you can drop it into her nose. Since bombs destroy stuff, if you make it kick her in the face and break her nose.
• Bowling Ball Place two fingers in her ***** and your thumb in her anus, then try to lift her in the air. For experts, throw her against the wall.

• Branding While you're doggy styling, before you blow your load ask her if she wants a cigar. Even if it's a no, you burn a ring on her ass with a lit cigar, permanently making her your property. If possible, get a custom cig lighter with your initials on it.
• Brown Banana Take a large shit and put it in the freezer for 3 days, then while you're doing her from behind ram the frozen turd in her ass until it’s too mushy to penetrate. Then, feed it to her on a hamburger bun like a sloppy Joe.
• Bryan Lyssy While fucking a girl in the ass, pull out quickly, taking the anal lining with you (The Pink Sock). Then, blow into the anal lining, inflating it like a balloon. Now, release it so all the air goes out and makes a farting noise.
• Buckin' Bronco While doing a chick in the ass, scream "I've got AIDS!". Pull out, jump on her back and slap her ass and hold her by the hair and see how long you can stay on.
• Bull Frog While hitting it from behind, pull out and shove it in her stinkhole, making her jump forward and croak like a bull frog.
• Bullzeye Start by doing your chick in the ass. Do her as hard as you can for about a minute, then quickly put it out of her cornhole. While her asshole is still loose, hock a big loogey in her butthole while yelling "BULLZEYE!!!"
• Burning Amazon Be sure to fuck someone who neglects to shave her cooch and keep a lighter at hand during the course of sex. In the seconds preceding climax, set your partner's pubic hair on fire. Pull out exactly at the moment of ejaculation and, if necessary, aim in the direction of the illuminated area. After the blaze has been doused and the pubic region as per your liking, inform your partner that you'll have to go through the same routine again if you ever catch her unshaven. Add romance to the event by demanding a pie from your partner after remonstrating her.

• Camel Hump While banging a fine piece of ass from behind, shove a popsicle or similar frozen treat up her ass. Have the bitch clench her rusty sheriff’s badge (a.k.a. ass) to hold the icy treat. After a session of sexual intercourse, drink the melted frozen treat out of her ass with a crazy straw.
• Dirtbox Derby Can't be explained in words. You may need to learn the rudiments of engineering before attempting this.
  racing these is fun, you can come first from last place
  
  
• Flying Camel As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then begin to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move!
• Canadian Jackhammer Do a stand-up 69 with a girl, then in the middle of it, drop her.
• Candy Cane When you jizz in a girls face, punch her in the nose making it red and white, hence the candy cane.
• Cat Back While hitting it from behind, without permission pull out and cram your entire dick in her unsuspecting ass! Nine out of ten arch their back in the air like a frightened cat!
• Chattanooga Chalupa First, take a shit in a girl's vagina. Then fuck her in the vagina, ejaculating all over your shit that is still in her vagina. This causes her vagina to look like a Taco Bell chalupa. This move is especially popular in the mountains of Southeast Tennessee.
• Cherry Cheesecake This is a finishing move. Stroke it right off onto her face, then break her nose.
• Cherry Cordial Same as the Sludge Box, but this term is only to be used if the girl is a virgin. (Hence, a chocolate-covered cherry!)
• Cherry Danish Blow your load in your chicks face then punch her in the nose. It will make it look just like a cherry Danish.
• Chicken Tuck your hands under your armpits while fucking a chick from behind, then stand up on your knees, flap your arms like a chicken and crow like a rooster.
• Chief Joseph When a girl is on her rag, you must pull her tampon out by the string with your teeth, then viciously shake your head back and forth. The blood from the tampon will splatter on your cheeks, giving you war paint.
• Chili Dog To pull this one off you need to get the sudden urge to take a shit in between her and then proceed to titty-fuck her.
• Chocolate Bikini While completing the Sludge Box, wipe your ass back and forth, so that you smear your feces all across her entire pubic area. It will look just like a chocolate bikini!
• Chudder Getting a chick to nibble on your nuts.
• Cleveland Steamer In this one you stop having sex with her suddenly and take a shit on her chest.
• Cockroach While you are doing a girl doggy, take it out and then spray RAID in her ass

<DL><DD>Alternate: While you are doing a girl doggy, take it out and spit on her back, then when she turns around, spray RAID on her face. </DD></DL>

• Cocoa Puffs Breakfast This move is the ultimate in slit-shitting! First, you take a crap inside some girl's *****. Then, you fuck her brains out (Rusty Nail) until you blow your load inside her filthy hole. Finally, you stick a spoon inside her, pull out the chunks of your shit mixed with your milky cum, and feed it to her. She'll go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!!
• Code of Silence You fuck a girl that's so dirty or ugly that you rip off the used condom and gag her with it, and tell her that you'll kill her if she tells a soul what just happened between the two of you.
• Cold Lunch While she's giving you oral, ask her if you can cum in her mouth and for her to "eat it". If she says no, politely say "then how about this?" and proceed to stick your finger down your throat and vomit all over the top of the bitches head. She should learn her lesson for next time not to refuse your cum snack.
• Congo Line This is when numerous black men pull a train on some unlucky whore. The men wear war paint.
• Corn on the Cob After banging a broad in the ass, pull out to blow your load down her throat, which is pretty classy in and of itself, but it gets better. While making the transition from bung to pie hole, you notice a corn kernel on the head of your cock. Hence, we now have the "corn on the cob". Remember kids, corn is always better the second time around.
• Cottonmouth This one takes a bit of a sacrifice. If your girl is giving you a blowjob, hold out for as long as you can. Make sure she's in the mood for sex during this time, because that's kind of the whole point of the move. After she's thoroughly exhausted and likely horny from giving you a long-ass BJ, just send her home and tell her you have to work or go to class or something.
• Crazy Carl Make sure when you do the whore doggy-style with her head facing the wall. You gotta fucking hump her brains out as hard as you can until her brains literally get smashed and smeared into the wall. When she's not moving (pretty much dead), you may take advantage of her as you'd like; blow your baby juice inside, I don't care. Take all of her prostitute money, and move on to the next bitch. Repeat the steps. You'll be a rich pimp just like that.
• Creampie This happens in some of the porn movies you'd find on the internets. This is when you just release the jizz in her slimy cunt. NO CONDOMS, NO CONTRACEPTIVES WHATSOEVER. And then, the baby juice will magically pour out due to gravity, just in time to avoid a silly sperm raping that egg. If it fails, you're fucked.
• Cross-Fingered Crippler Similar to the Shocker, but you cross your index and middle fingers and give it to her!
• Cunthammer Though I would imagine this to be self-explanatory, I will however go into details. After a good fucking, you blow inside of her and as a form of contraception you whip out a cleverly stashed hammer and break her pelvis. After the clean up at the hospital, I'm sure she won't be having kids...
• D-Rock For this one you need to not fuck or jerk off for two months. This move takes a lot of patience because of the time frame involved. After two months pass get some chick to blow you. When you blow your load in her mouth it will be so big that she will jump backwards and knock her head on something hard, causing her to get knocked the fuck out!
• David Copperfield Executed in the canine position where one spits on the woman's back leading her to believe the man has had a happy ending. When she turns around for a cuddle, she just finds herself standing in the rain instead.
• Delta Tau Delta When you finally realize you'll never get laid and your best friend puts plastic wrap over his face and puts on a mask of a girl and lets you give him a facial.
• Dick Pocket It’s when you are screwing a girl from behind and when she’s not looking you reach into her purse and take her wallet and leave after a good fuck with a hefty some of money and some credit cards.
• Dirt Bike Strictly for pros. This is when you have the girl on all fours, and you grab her wrists and pull her arms out while she is spraying diarrhea out (thus giving the image of you riding a dirt bike).

• Dirty Butkus After tagging her in the ass for a while, wipe the head of your dick under each eye like you're trying to keep the reflection out of her eyes with blacker.
• Dirty Dolphin While your fucking the girl doggy-style, pull it out and ram your dick in her asshole... you will then hear the 'AAAAAAAAHAHAAAHAAAAA' noise that resembles a dolphin.
• Dirty Elvis Do your chick in the pooper then pull it out and use her own shit to make sideburns on her face.
• Dirty Mengele Invented by Weev, the Dirty Mengele consists on fisting a girl while she's on her period and smearing the blood all over her face while screaming: "LICK THAT FILTH CLEAN, YOU WORTHLESS WHORE!". Note that while Weev invented this move, it cannot be considered a signature move of his, since it's not part of his regular repertoire.
• Dirty Sanchez Start doing your woman in the stink. At any given moment pull out and wipe a mustache on her with her own shit.
• Dirty Spoon When your doin’ a girl in the ass while in the spoon position.
• Dirty Trombone This move requires getting two chicks in bed with you at the same time. While you fuck a girl in the ass doggy style another girl licks your dick as it goes in and out like a trombone.
• Divot Put down the pants of some girl with a huge fur pile, grab on to as much of it as you can, scream "Fore!" and rip every last hair out. A real golfers' favorite!
• Dog in a Bathtub Attempting to insert your nuts into a girl’s ass. Named so because it’s as hard as keeping a dog in a bathtub while giving it a bath.
• Donkey Punch 1 Okay, when you're nailing a chick in the ass you yell out "Hee-Haw" like a donkey, and when she turns around you punch her in the face so she's knocked out. Her ass will get all tight and you can fuck around with her til she wakes up.
• Donkey Punch 2 Start out doin’ her from behind. Pull out and pretend you are going to cum on her back, then punch her in the back or head.

The Donkey Punch as demonstrated by a genuine donkey

• Donkey Kong Punch Proceed as per the standard Donkey Punch, however, instead of punching the partner in the head or neck, strike them over the head with a barrel, lamp or other easily shattered object.
• Don’t Get Caught, Freak! Do her in a shed and then leave her there for the cops to find. Hell, call them yourself and tell them where she is.

The double-fishhook may also be performed by a dildo-wearing female.

• Double Fishhook Start by banging your girl doggy style, then reach up and hook her in the mouth from both sides with your pinkie finger so you can really pound the fuck out of her.
• Double-Headed Dolphin Similar to the shocker. Cross your index and middle, your ring and pinkie and go to town. She'll make that eek eek noise like a dolphin.
• Drunk Schoolgirl Make sure your girl has pigtails and get her really drunk. When she starts puking in the toilet, pull down her pants, grab her pigtails and start railing her in the ass.
• Dutch Oven Whenever you fart while humping, pull the covers over her head. Don't let her out until all movement ceases.
• ED combo Read this entire page pissing yourself laughing, take off your pants and slap Jameth on the face with them for great justice. Then, while singing Dragostea Din Tei and jerking off to a photoshop of Cockmongler take embarrasing photos of strange acts of homoerotic sex. These photos must have a bad case of Internet disease or else you are gay. Post this image 50 times on livejournal; when someone sees what you are doing and writes an article about it, start a Wikiedit drama. But it doesn't matter because snape killed dumbledore. O RLY?. YA RLY. NO WAI. SRSLY! Oh noes!!!!!!!!11111cos(0)int(10)sin(90)1111eineineuno!!!!!
• Eiffel Tower The ultimate double team. The chick gets down on all fours, then each guy takes an end on her, one in front and one in back. Then the two guys lift both their arms in the air and do a huge "high-five", and you've got the Eiffel Tower! Fuckin’ sweet or what?
• Electrobulb Knob Slobber Insert a light bulb into your anus, then proceed to do a head stand. Have your woman blow on your weiner. If she can blow hard enough, the bulb should shine bright. Lamp shade optional.
• Elevator This works with a younger girl (say 6 or 7 years old); you basically 69 with her while standing up (so it looks like you are going to tombstone piledrive her). Since she is little, her body won’t be long enough to blow you and get eaten out at the same time, so you will have to raise and lower her up and down at your discretion to do what ever you want with her.
• Equestrian While banging a girl from behind, just as you are about to blow your load, grab her hair and leap forward with all the leg strength you have. The goal is to leap forward and completely over the headboard, like a leaping horse. Not recommended if your bed is up against a wall.
• Fake Tell the girl you are wearing a condom but really you aren't.
• Fancy Feast Tie her down and put 6 cinder blocks on her stomach and chest so she can’t breathe. Then work up a nice gassy fart (make sure you eat White Castle with extra grilled onions beforehand); right when you’re about to fart, hover over her face and quickly remove all the cinder blocks, then as she takes that first gasp of air, let one rip right over her nose. She'll gag and throw up, she loves it!
• Fart Hammer This is right after you are done fucking your chick - you stand up by her face bend your ass down and fart on her face.
• Field Goal You have a girl stand next to a sturdy pole, grab it and then you take her ankles and slowly lift her into the air. Now she's parallel to the ground. Spread her legs and begin the fucking. Pink or Stink. Doesn't matter. Right when you go you take one leg and blast her right in the chin and let her go.
• Firefighter When you're about to bust a nut, you light the girl's pubes on fire and put it out with your jizz. I got a variation of the rodeo too. You throw all your friends in the closet and start doing the chick, then all of a sudden, you put it in her ass. Your friends jump out of the closet and bang on pots and pans and count and see how long you can ride her.
• Fish Eye 1.0 While working her from behind, shove your finger in her pooper, whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
• Fish Eye 2.0 You hit a chick from behind, and save up a nice juicy nut. Then, right before you bust you pull out, turn that bitches head around, use your thumb and finger to hold one of her eyes open, and drop the entire load on her eye. Then her eye looks exactly like a fishes, especially after that bitch starts crying.
• Fish Hook While doing a bitch from behind, stick your finger in her asshole and hook it like a fish hook; hold on too, because it makes her tight and gives you a wild ride.
• Fist of the South-Star After doggy style, pull out and punch her in the asshole as hard as you can. You won't necessarily get a fist in, but it'll still be funny as hell. A.K.A. the Fist of the Brown Star, Fist of the Stink Star.
• Flaming Canoli Have sex with a girl, pull out, and cum on her. Then you take a shit on her. Then you wrap her up in a blanket and set her on fire.
• Flaming Johnson While fucking a girl doggy style, you must have a Copenhagen in. You spit on her back and pull out, rub your cock in it, and then stick it back in.
• Flash Bang Take a light bulb and slowly ease it up a precious vagina while kissing her belly, then out of the blue punch her lower abdomen! You'll laugh your ass off for days to follow! Trust me, the bitch will NEVER forget you!
• Flat Tire While riding a girl hard from behind, reach forward and pull out her right arm so her face hits the bed just as you blow your load.
• Flush Fuck Take the girl of your choice to any bathroom with a toilet. Getting her to hold onto the toilet bowl, start working her hard from behind. Just as you are about to get off, ram it in deep and hard, shove her head into the toilet, and flush... man, what ACTION! For a twist, do it on a toilet full of shit. But hang on tight, it's going to be a rough ride.
• Flying Dutchman While fucking any woman in front, you blow your load in her, then immediately pull out and elbow drop her stomach launching your hot man chowder back out.
• Flying Lotus Blossom Rail a chick in missionary manner on the side of a bed, then grab her wrists and pull her off. Hold her up and continue to bang the shit out of her; it gives her the experience of zero gravity fucking. Note: for added excitement, let her hands go and let her just dangle there as you continue to pound that ass. Advisory: make sure you can pick her up and are in good shape because for you it is a work out - trust me.
• Forrest Gump After blooping all over a bitch's face, keep repeating the phrase "Stupid is as stupid does" with disdain.
• Fortune Cookie Get an Asian chick and bang her with a condom on; when finished, pull out but leave condom in.
• Fountain of Youth While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and . (Better in her bed.)
• Fountain of Youth V.2 While having sex in the shower with an 8 year old, slick her hair back so she instead looks like a five year old boy. Once finished, destroy her.
• Four-Legged Surprise While in the middle of fucking her doggy-style, announce you have to take a piss but to "hold that position." Then bring in your German Shepard and let him straddle her with his red rocket. After she notices the furry paws on her shoulders and starts screaming, yell "Surprise!"
• Frothy Walrus This is done when a girl is giving you a BJ. When she swallows what you give her, punch her in the stomach and it comes out her nose! Yeeeaaah!
• Fudgecicle Stick your phallic piece in a pile of shit and then put it in your lady's mouth. It'll turn her frown upside down!!
• Gag Attack Fuck your bitch in the ass, and when you are getting ready to blow your wad, stick it in her mouth and she will have a coco/cream surprise!
• Gaylord Perry Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin cornhole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
• Gentleman Make love to a girl without any type of violence, then go get her a glass of water and fix her breakfast in the morning. (You're going to get laid again.)
• Gina Kick First, fuck the girl from behind until you are about to nut, pull out and nut somewhere, and rear back and kick her square in the twat, football style.
• Glass Bottom Boat Start by putting Saran Wrap over her face and then drop a deuce directly on the Saran Wrap. Also may be performed by having her lay underneath a glass topped table facing up, watching you drain the dragon (or bake the brownies, both if preferred).
• Glider Wrap some strong bungee around a pole and have the girl hold on to the end with both hands. Slowly pull her back and let the bungee build up a lot of power. When it's nice and tight, you start doing her in the ass nice and quick. Blast your load in her ass and then let go of her so that she flies through the air with cum oozing out of her ass. Hopefully if it's a good bungee, she'll hit the pole and break her collarbone.
• Golden Shower Any form of peeing on a girl (A.K.A. watersports). Like in the example mentioned in piss, pissing can be erotic. The correct terminology for sex play involving piss is called watersports.
• Golden Star Fish This move requires the lights to be off. Tell your chick you want to go backdoor. Secretly replace the lube with self-tanning cream. Lube yourself up and go to town. Let her explain the orange ring around her ass to anyone who has her next. This trick was discovered accidentally but is painless to all.
• Gorilla Mask You smash a girl in the head with a bottle so she gets knocked out and her face starts bleeding. Then you have sex with her, and after you cum inside of her, you rip all of her pubic hair out and attach it to the blood on her face, creating a gorilla mask.
• Gorillas in the Mist This is when a cracker chick goes into a steam room and is approached by 3 black men waiting to tag white snatch. They work her over good. When finished they return back into the mist waiting for their next prey. The cracker then leaves thinking she just visited the African Rainforest.
• Gravy Train Slight variation of the Sludge Box....Instead of dumping some normal shit into her *****, try flooding it with your diarrhea!
• Greeking This is when you are fucking a girl any way possible (preferably oral) and right before you cum take your dick and cum all over her eyes so they seal shut and she can't see.
• Greg Louganis Position yourself on the bed way up close to the headboard, then get your chick to climb on top of you backwards. Slap your junk up in her ass and go to town... then once you are about to unleash the dogs of war up in her, quickly and at once pull out and move down the bed towards the foot, grab her at the waist and yank her down causing the back of her head to slam against the head board, then quickly flip around and give her the splash in the face... for the ultimate effect dress her up like a man!
• Hair Ball You're chomping away at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
• Classic Houdini (aka Slick Houdini) Get your woman in the doggy style position. Act like you're about to blow your load. Spit on her back so she thinks you did. When she turns around shoot her in the face with it. (A.K.A. the White Ghost).
• Houdini 2 (aka The Escape Artist) Version 2: The way I heard it was way different, bend her over your bed if it's next to a window, and have your friend hidden in the room. Cum without her noticing (you selfish bastard), then have your friend take over, again without her noticing. If she starts to look back, shove her head in a pillow. Leave the room quietly, and run around to outside the window. When she has come, have your friend let the blinds up loudly. When she looks outside to see you, shout, "Houdini!"
• The Double Houdini (aka The David Copperfield) While tag-teaming a girl with your buddy, have one guy does her in the ass and the other guy getting a hummer. Then have the guy in the back tell her he is going to blow and then spit on her back. When she turns around, give her the facial of her life. Then when she turns around to face the front again, the guy in the front blows it in her face for the second facial.
• Headbanger’s Ball While you are making out with a chick and she closes her eyes, start kissing her neck to get her good and ready. Then rare back and head-butt her. (She won’t even see it coming.)
• Hershey Kiss Bang a chick in the ass with a condom on, when done, pull out, leave condom in.
• Hill-Billy Slam While you are doing a girl from behind, right as you are about to bust, you pull out a banjo and slam it over her head.
• Hillary Duff While banging a younger girl (any position, preferably one where she can't see your face) start humming a Hillary Duff tune, if you happen to know any (any young poptart will do). Hum louder and louder until she either joins you, starts singing or asks you what the hell you are doing. If she doesn’t do any of these things eventually start singing the words and try to stay humping to the rhythm. If she does ask you what the hell you could always bail on the thing, but what I like to do is claim that it keeps me from ejaculating. I don’t really know the point of this but it's funny to me, and if you can get like a 17 or 18 year old girl singing along to Hillary Duff in the sack and still satisfy her and do your thing, I'll buy you a fucking beer.
• Hockey Fuck Pull her shirt over her head punch her hard and fuck the shit out of her.
• Hole in One Begin by fucking your chick missionary style then, as your bust, pull out and shoot it over her stomach, chest, throat, and into her eye.
• Honey Smacks Dip your dick into a jar of honey. While hard, give the silly bitch a mushroom punch to the face and let your muff-buster stick to her grill. Then slide it into her mouth and say "Honey Smacks - they're even better in the evening."
• Hook Hit it doggy style and when least expected shove your thumb in her ass and hook it sideways, quite the attention getter, the double hook is even more effective.
• Hoover Named in recognition of the vacuum cleaner manufacturer. Banging a girl doggy style on carpet (or other abrasive surface). Pull her arms out and hold them. With dick still in her, stand up and start driving, giving incredible rug-burn to her face. To the bystander, it looks like you are operating a Hoover Vacuum cleaner!
• Hot Air Balloon When you are doing a girl doggy, take it out and replace your cock with an air pump, and pump her up!
• Classic Carl This one is simple and disgusting as hell. Get your woman to lay below you and drop a deuce in her mouth.
• Carl 2 Go Drop it between her , and then wrap Saran around her sealing it there. If you like, saran her arms to her body while you're at it.
• Hot Lunch While a girl is on her back giving you head, take a hot, steamy shit on her chest. Upon completion, congratulate her and inform her that she has just become "the lunch lady."
• Hucklebuck, Double Hucklebuck, and Quadruple Hucklebuck As you are hitting the chick from behind, simply take your hand slide it up under her in thigh and grab the back of her neck and wrench down. That is the hucklebuck. Two hands is the double hucklebuck; both legs and hands legs over shoulders hands on back of neck is the quadruple. The first two are more you holding her up; the last is very dangerous and tricky, only for experienced hucklebucklers. Advisory 1: Makes sure she knows what’s going on because you may hear her bones popping and cracking however it’s normal and once she realizes she’s in the best sex position she’s ever been in and ever will be it won’t matter. Advisory 2: make sure she is flexible and you can hold her weight.
• Juice Box First you position yourself in the whack off position and then you flip your hand over and make sure you thumbs pointed directly at your butthole then you beat off while hammering your ass.
• Land Shark Find a girl passed out drunk. You'll need a cardboard cut out of a shark fin. Strip the girl naked. Insert the cardboard cutout in between her butt cheeks. Get 4 guys to pick her up over their shoulders and run through the party yelling "LANDSHARK!"
• Lawn Mower Insert anal beads into your bitch’s ass. Assure that they will be removed gently, then yank them out as if you were starting a lawn mower.
• Leeroy Jenkins Surprise your girl by busting into her bedroom when she least expects it, then quickly bend her over and start fucking her vigorously from behind whilst yelling "LEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!" at the top of your voice. Done properly, you should be able to blow your load and run off before she has time to realise what the fuck's going on.
• Lemon Drop This move requires drinking Bacardi 151 and passing out. After a long night of drinking, head back to her place, pass out while getting head and proceed to fill up her mouth... but not with a load.
• Leprechaun’s Revenge An Irishman bangs the ass of an English woman, then bloops on the Union Jack, takes the flag and smears the bloop on her face and toes, then fires hot potatoes at her head.
• Leprosy Get your favorite cumslut/saint in the shower and slip her the staff. Right before you bust your nut, pull out and blow the load on her face. The cum and water mix to form little leprosy drops on her face.
• Logjam Opposite of the Gravy Train. If you're giving her a Sludge Box and you think you're crapping out a good, strong piece of shit, don't let go just yet! Move your ass up and down and fuck her with your turd! It usually breaks in half after a couple thrusts, but trust me, she'll love it.
• The Luelinks While you're doing it doggy-style, slap her ass and shout "LUE pwns j00!"
• Mario, The First, find a princess to fuck (this is the hard part). Then, as you are fucking her, try to bash her head against the ceiling until a mushroom or a flower appear. +1UP.
• Mark Foley, The First, find a teenager with a cast fetish. Proceed to gram their one-eyed snake and make them spirt on a towel. Then resign from office because you are a fucking pedo, you sick fuck.
• Mech Pilot This is when a girl is laying on her back and taking it in the ass while 2 guys are sitting around her waiting like joysticks in a mech robot - hence the name.
• Mexican Avalanche Very simple; cum in her hair and throw that ho down the stairs.
• Mike Tyson While you're having sex with a girl, bite the bitch's ear off.
• Miltopia Find your favorite perverted furry porno pics and stroke your harbl. Then cry yourself to sleep because you are a fucking loser.
• Moose Club What you do is, while you are hitting it from behind, you have to secretly put your thumbs to your ears and stick your hands out like antlers and hold them there for 10 seconds without laughing or getting caught. If you do, you have to wait for the next sex session. Highly recommended club for everyone.
• Mother Nature Buttslam your gal while your dog licks Alpo out of your ass.
• Mudflaps Have her shit on your balls while at the same time your drilling her cunt. Your balls should be slapping and flapping against the shit peeking out for light.
• Mudslide After coaxing a slut to toss your salad and she starts munching away you proceed to let loose some diarrhea and laugh as it runs down the side of her face.
• Muff Floss When a girl has really long pubes and you still go clam diving.
• Mushroom Tattoo When you're doing her doggy style, pull out and whack your dick as hard as you can on her ass. It leaves an imprint that looks like a mushroom.
• Nail Gun Take a nail gun to the sack with you, that shit hurts. If you don’t use it on her you can probably fire it into your own bag, that’s a treat!
• Nasal Probe You have probably seen when you ejaculate that sperm sometimes shoots in two directions. Put your cock against your partner’s nose and aim your load to her/his nostrils.
• New York Style Taco Begin this move eating the chick out while wasted when all of the sudden you realize how bad her box smells. To pay her back you throw up right in her box.
• Night Caulking You want to fool around but your girl just rolls over and goes to sleep. You then angrily jerk off on her ass crack. You are then dubbed a Night Caulker. This move can be called "Night Caulking" or "The Night Caulker."
• Ninja When fucking, at any given time pull out run around to the girls head, kick her as hard as you can in the face and yell "NINJA!!"
• Ninja Head
  Safety first. Cut away from yourself.
  
  
  While getting head from a girl, take out a ninja sword and slice that bitch's head off. Note: if you really want to be a real ninja, after you have killed her commit seppuku.
• Nosey Neighbor While fingering her vagina, insert a finger in her ass. Then make a pinching motion, both inserted fingers together.
• OJ Right before you are about to start having sex, stab her, then proceed to pound the wound with your cock.
• The Oops Technique This technique is where the man moves from one hole in the woman to the other (better done doggy style, for easier access). He then continually rams himself into her, and when he is done, and the sex is most likely over with, and she wonders what the hell really happened, he gives her some lame excuse about how she was so wet that in his excitement he slipped and went into her ass. To actually convince her though, she must be a very stupid broad or both should be so drunk that neither can remember what happened in the morning....though I'm sure she still will.
• Over the Top You and a friend of yours need to start a threesome with a girl. Have her on her knees giving you head while your friend does her from behind. You then proceed to arm-wrestle on her back, becoming Stallone in Over the Top, a great 80s classic.
• Party Foul Ingredients: a raging party,1 gay boy, 1 straight girl, and a horny drunk guy. Ok, the girl tells the horny drunk guy that she REALLY wants to give him some oral satisfaction but he has to be blindfolded while she does her job. Once the horny drunk guy is blindfolded and sitting in a chair, he gets his oral pleasure, when he cums while his dick is still in the oral socket the girl whispers in his ear, "Ohh yeah, that WAS good." And pulls his blind fold off so he can see that he just got head from a gay guy. Works best if some cum is dribbling down the gay guy's face and if he has a shit-eating grin. Last step: Run!
• PB and J Swirl Smear peanut butter on your fingers. Then finger the girl (who's on the rag FYI)with the same hand until it is bloody and peanut buttery. Then stick the same fingers up her ass then have a tasty treat after.
• Peacock Breeze Standing up nailing a girl doggy-style and she farts and blows your pubes out like a peacock's feathers.
• Pearl Necklace Do her doggy. Just when you're ready to nut, pull out and shoot it all over her neck.
• Pele AKA "Johnny Lawrence (from Karate Kid)", AKA "Sweep the Leg". Fuck her from behind while you are both standing, then when she is about to get off, kick her legs out from under her.
• Pelican Punch When you're getting her from the front and you pelican punch her in the throat. While she's gasping for air you can shoot one in her mouth.
• Peppermint Chiclets Kind of like the Candy Cane but, after you blow in her mouth pull out and PUNCH the shit out of her so that you make sure to knock some teeth out. With the blood, cum, and teeth in her mouth, shake the shit out of her head and there you have them PEPPERMINT CHICKLETS.
• Pepsi Challenge Stick one finger in a girl’s ***** and another one in her ass, then stick either one in her mouth and see if she can guess which hole it was in.
• Phat Phuck You've got to be ultra fat for this one. While getting head you put your fat over her head so she can't breathe. It’ll feel so good because she’s trying to breathe and takin' you all in. Hope she’s not a biter.
• Philly Fake Out You start bangin' the bitch doggy. Make sure she is facing away. Then right before you pull out, spit on her back. Then when she turns around you let her have it in the face.
• Pink Parachute When fucking a bitch in the ass, start fuckin’ her as hard and rough as you can, then pull your dick out as quickly as you can...thus flipping her asshole inside out!
• Pink Sock Start this move by banging your chick in the pooper all of the sudden punch her in the back of the head hard enough to knock her out. When you pull your dick out her rectum will come out with it causing your dick to look like a pink sock.

Open Wide!!! Making an eye baby.

• Pinkeye Surprise aka Eyes Wide Open After the penetration of your choice, pull out before ejaculating, have the young lady hold her eyelids wide open and cum directly onto her eyeball. Experts at /b/ have theorised that the sperm might actually mistake the eyeball for an ovum and attempt to penetrate/fertilise it, but until further eyepr0n testing is approved by the administration, it will remain drunken bar speculation.
• Piranha Do the damn thing, any which way you please, and when you’re about to cum, bite the bitch’s nipple off.
• Plunger While you are fucking your girl in the ass, squeeze her ass cheeks together and pull out as fast as you can. She’ll shit everywhere.
• Porcupine Tell your girl not to shave her pits for a couple or days. On day three, slap some lube up under her armpit and begin to pound the ever-loving shit out of her pit. Warning: WILL CAUSE CHAFING!
• Predator Get your girl to lay on her back, and you on your knees. Take a shit in your own hand, rub it all over your face, and let out a bloodcurdling scream like the alien on the movie Predator.
• Prized Marlin Fuck a girl from behind, and have a friend hiding in a closet or behind a couch with a camera. Let out a signature "whoop" or signal of some sort. At that time grab the girl's shoulders and pull close to you, look in your friend’s direction with the camera and smile as he takes the picture. Most of the time it’s hilarious and looks like you’re holding a prized marlin catch of the day!
• Ragin' Cajun Before fucking a silly whore, pour ample amounts of Tabasco sauce on your sausage.
• Rain check This is when you take a chick to fuck somewhere outside, and then you go down on her. If the stench is too much to handle, tap her puss with the back side of your hand and say call me when you get that fixed, then leave her to find her own way back home.
• Ram You're attacking from behind when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
• Rear Admiral An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
• Red Wings Eat out your chick while she is on the rag. Do a good job and make her cum. When she is done you will have red wings painted on your cheeks.
• Redman's Revenge When a chick gives you an Indian burn on your dick.
• Ride the Bull While doing her doggy style grab her and yell to her that you have AIDS and see how long you can hang on.
• Rodeo This one is a classic. While doing her doggy style, get a good grip on her just before you blow. Then whisper in her ear, "This is just how your sister likes it." Try to stay mounted for 10 seconds.

• Roman Battle Helmet Stand over and behind the bitch while she's on her knees facing away from you. Rest your balls on her eyebrows and let your dick hang down over her nose. Take a picture. Makes for a great greeting card.
• Ron and Helen When you and your chick shit on each other's faces all night long like a cheap German porno, and then smoke a big fatty made with weed the was grown from Hitler's home town.
• Rumpkin Opposite of a blumpkin: your girl licks your ass while you take a piss.
• Russian Snowplow Set 2 pillows up at the end of the bed against the wall or the headboard. Then do your girl doggy style and drive her head through the middle of the pillows into the headboard or wall.
• Rusty Pumpkin First, you take the young lady home. Then, you spread butter over her nipples. Then you become bored and tell her to get out of your goddamned house.
• Rusty Nail This is when you take a shit in a girl's ***** (Sludge Box), then turn around and fuck her in her sloppy hole. I've also seen this called the Dirty Piston.
• Rusty Trombone This is quite simple actually. Get some slut to blow on your fartbox as she jerks you off; it sounds like a rusty trombone!
• Dizzy Gillespie This is a great variation of the rusty trombone. While you are receiving the rusty trombone, you grab her head hold it tight on your ass and let out a great fart, thus blowing up her cheeks like Dizzy himself.
• Scissor Kick When you're doing a girl from the back, right before you bust pull out, jump and spin and scissor kick the shit out of the back of her head.
• Screaming Seagull While doing her on the beach, pull out, dip the tip of your dick in the sand, and then go right back at it. She'll scream like a seagull!

• Shalalabod Dot Drop While an Indian girl is giving you head, pull out right before you blow and blow your load right on the dot on her head.
• Shit Fuck While taking a crap on someone during sex is funny and erotic, I prefer this move for its stealth and planning. If you use her (or your) bathroom anytime during the day, have a baggy or condom handy and save that sucker (I'll leave the messy details up to you.) Keep it nearby when things heat up, then as you climax cram it in your mouth and kiss her, on the mouth or all over, hell I'm sure creative guys like you can think of a thousand variations, like slapping it on her, or all over her, or jamming it in her mouth. A really touching thing to do would be to have it in a condom, jam it in her ass and try to break the condom, that would bring you closer I'm sure. There is nothing quite like shit that’s seen two asses--how many couples can say that they have done that?
• Shocker Plow Put your hands together like you're praying. Fan them out so just your fingertips are touching. Then 4 in the pink, 4 in the stink.
• Shocker
  one up the gooey.two up the pooey.
  
  
  All I got to say is two in the pink one in the stink. Or sometimes.. two in the goo one in the poo.
• Shrimping You have to be a pretty sick fuck to pull this off. Stick it in your chick's poopshoot, blow your load in there, then bend down and suck your load out of her ass.
• Skull Fuck
  The doctors are still puzzled as to what could possibly be wrong.
  
  
  Gouge out your date's eyeball and fuck her in her eye socket.
• Sludge Box This is when you're sitting on a girl's lap, spread her ***** lips wide open, and take a dump inside. Also known as the Clitter Shitter.
• Snapper Thumb in the ***** and middle finger in the ass. Proceed to snap your fingers to any desired tune. Something with lots of bass is preferred.
• Snarling Beast Monster As you are pogo-stick fucking the whore, take careful notice to when she is about to bust a she-nut, and when such glory is about to occur, carefully position yourself so you are literally sitting upon her *****, with her right leg in front and her left leg in back of you. Now, for the finishing touch, you will suddenly take a giant dump INTO her *****.
• Snipper Snapper Ok, it hurts, but it's worth it! Let a girl straddle YOU doggy style, reach between your legs and pull your wanker back, and put it inside her, from behind you! Once she gets going you can't stop the snap of your pecker as it either breaks the blood vessels or snips out of her so fast it hits your stomach with a snapping sound. Try it, it feels so good. Oh yeah, also have good insurance.
• Sneaky Russian Go to your local town centre, find a woman preferably between the ages of 10 and 42, stalk her for about 15 minutes and then vigorously suffocate her with a plastic bag then take her body to the edge of a large cliff, lubricate her asshole with melted chocolate fill her up with a bottle of vodka (yes, from the ass) let it dribble out a bit light the vodka and bang kick the flaming bitch off the cliff preferably onto a children's play area.
• Snowballing Sharing semen ejaculated in the mouth. Fags do this a lot. Semen is the largest constituent of any fags diet.
  Who doesn't love snowballing?
  
  
• Snowmobile When plugging a girl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
• Spider Man Bone a girl and prepare for your own orgasm. When the moment arrives, pull out and jam your member in between your middle and ring fingers, curling them down so you've got a Spider Man web grip. Shoot it in the appropriate place on her body while yelling, 'GO WEB GO!'
• Spider Man V.2 (variation on The Houdini) While ravaging a young tart from behind, tell her that the damn is about to burst. Pull out, spit on her back, ejaculate in your hand, and when she turns around to say "i love you" throw it in her face while making a "tsssssk" sound.
• Spice Girls Torture While having sex with someone in any position, shove an audio speaker up their ass and play spice girls music. May we suggest the JBL L26.
• Spinning Jenny, The While fucking with girl on top cut off her legs (can also work with a parapolegic) and then spin her around on your cock.

Just be glad this was taken before it was shoved up a pooper.

• Sprinkler When you are jerkin' it right over her face and right before you blow, you pull out a mini fan and turn it on and nut into it so the jism is distributed evenly.
• Stamp Lay the special lady out flat on her back, then start to take a dump just enough to get one poking out, the proceed to sit on her repeatedly in different spots. Feel free to connect the dots, if you are into that sort of thing.
• Stealth Bomber Wait till your chick is sleeping then get started on punching your clown. When you are about to blow, unload your cargo all over your sleeping beauty. She will never know what hit her. Oh, and don’t forget to take a dump somewhere (since you freaks like that so much).
• Stove-pipe
  Stove-pipe pants. If you're wearing these, you're doing it wrong.
  
  
  Works best if you have the girl's head and shoulders on the ground and her ass propped up against a bed or couch. Then, you hold her up as vertical as possible and screw downward into her. It's tricky but pretty comical if you pull it off.
• Stranger You sit on your hand until it goes numb and then you jerk off — it's like somebody completely new is doing it!
• Strawberry Shortcake Right before you blow your load while a chick gives you head, take your cock out of her mouth, then punch her in the nose until she bleeds, then jizz all over her face.
• Suck Boob Take off bra and proceed to lick her breasts and then start licking and sucking her tit just like you would if it was her clit (hey, that rhymes!) while caressing her breast. If she doesn't start moaning try caressing her clit while licking her tit(s) (rhymes again!).
• Sunglasses - Ray Bans a.k.a. Arabian Sunglasses Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head. Your can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try
• Sunglasses - East Indian Eye Goggles Much like the Arabian sunglasses, Put a nut on each eye socket, then lean back and with your brown star give her a kiss on the forehead.
• Egyptian Gas Mask Similar to the Arabian sunglasses but involving 3 people (Two blokes). The men simply take their balls and one puts his nuts on one of the girl’s eyes, the other guy puts his nuts on the other of the girl’s eye...fun!
• Alternate Universe Having an orgasm while getting a blumpkin, eating a really good samidge, shooting heroin, sneezing, watching an awesome movie, receiving a massage, and being told that you just won the lottery.

• Surprise Truffle While ramming a chick in the ass, tell her you have to blow your load and you want to do it in her mouth. When she turns around and opens her mouth, you also turn around and drop a huge log in her face! HINT: eat a huge meal beforehand.
• Suspension Bridge Get a girl on all fours. One guy takes her from the rear, the other gets his cock smoked. They give the cue and the guy in back pulls her legs out and the one in from grabs her arms so that none of her body is touching the bed. She's just suspended between two cocks.

Also known as a Pig Roast

• Swedish Rodeo While having unprotected sex with a Swedish woman, bend over and inform her that you have AIDS, or any other fun STD. Time how long you can stay inside her when she starts moving.
• T-Steff First off, don't wear a condom. Pulling out is the key to this move. No matter what position you are doing, when you finish make sure you spunk on her stomach and walk out.
• Tabletop Once your girl is naked, throw her on the table and fuck her hard and fast while you are standing on the ground. This way you can watch her boobs shake with the action and she can watch your dick go in and out. Extra bonus if you can get another girl to lick and slap your ass while you’re at it!
• Tea bag As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your nut sack in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old favorite.
• Ballcuzzi It’s like a teabag, but you get the girl to put warm water in her mouth and gargle. Dip your balls in for a ballcuzzi.

A variation on the ballcuzzi, except you give her a soda enema

• Pixie Same as a tea bag, but right before dipping your ball in the person mouth, you dip them in sugar and then in their mouth. Hence a pixie, plus this works great if you do it to a person when they are sleeping. When they wake up the next morning they will have the taste of sugar in their mouth and know what exactly happened to them the night before.
• Snowplow, The When a chick is on all fours sucking your cock, kick out her arms from underneath her and begin to walk forward.
• Team West Campus Find all your roommates in your West Campus house and proceed to have a drunken sausage fest, followed by random acts of homosexuality.
• Testament
  Also a very sexy band.
  
  
  Put your hands together, then jam your hands in the girl’s ass and spread her hole. Now, place your foot deep inside her ass! It's just that simple!
• Thanksgiving Dinner You start stuffing a bitch in her ass, and then you stick a fork in her back and be like, "Ya done, bitch?!"
• The ATm Also known as Ass To Mouth. What you do is have sex with a chick, do your business, and then stick it in her poopshoot. Then, once in and you're about to blow, pull it out and have her give you head, thereby cleaning the shit off your dick. And completing the transfer of ass to mouth--such a filthy move to do to a chick--takes away all her self respect.
• The Avenger If you’re ever in a situation where you fuck a girl, and she gets off and refuses to get you off its time for revenge. It’s best if she’s laying on her stomach so she doesn’t know what’s going on. Do what you got to do to get yourself off as quick as you can. Take good aim and blow your wad in the back of her hair. It’s messy, and it'll show the bitch who's boss.
• The Balcony While fucking a girl from behind on a balcony slowly slide out and let your friend or any random hobo slide in and run down to below the balcony and wave to her. By the time she notices, she is having some hobo's junk all up in the flava flav PUSS.
• The Boston Strangler Slowly and passionately take your girl from behind doggie style. When she least expects it, lean forward and choke the fucking life out of her. Pick up the pace and chant, "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" until the lifeless bitch passes out.
• The Caroline Utton Smash While fucking a girl in the ass, take out an African clubbing stick and hit her really hard in the kidney until she throws up. When she does act really mad and kill that bitch with the beating club.
• The Chipmunk When the bitch is sucking your balls and has one in each cheek.

Girl who think s she's sexy and is gonna fuck herself because she's too lonely.

• The Christopher* Rape a preteen girl.
• The Dazzler Cross your index and middle fingers for her *****, cross your pinky and ring finger for her ass, and work the clit with your thumb.
• The Dirty Burrito Ok, before you fuck your bitch you both need to wrap up like a burrito in a sheet (preferably white). Then you both piss and shit in it as much as you can while still wrapped up and then fuck. Eating the burrito at the end is optional.
• The Dolphin Funny because so many have experienced it. While hitting a girl from behind, you go to throw it in her butt but she looks over her shoulder shaking her head saying "eh eh."
• The Earnhardt Jr. Take a large shit, make sure it’s sloppy, but don’t wipe, then titty fuck her. This leaves a nice brown streak on her stomach, like a tire skid, thus, the Earnhardt Jr.
• The Electrician Get a girl pregnant, then wait 8 months, then get one of those high powered electric hand-fans and ram it in her crotch and turn it on. Homemade abortionator!
• The Eskimo Nut in a girl's mouth, but don’t let her swallow. Instead, make her hold it in her mouth and dunk her in a 55 gallon drum of ice water. Make her stay in there until the cum freezes, then let her swallow it. Frozen cum-gurt! Bon appetite!
• The Esophafuck You cut a bitch's head off and then you start fucking her trachea and esophagus.
• The Gold Rush As your hand heads south, waste no time... go for the gold and fist the bitch. As she screams in agony tell her you're digging for rings and need money to buy tomorrow’s lunch.
• The Grapevine Grow a large patch of hair around your asshole and take a bunch of laxatives, then shit for a week but don't wipe. This will leave your anus with a nice patch of dingle berries. When you're doing her from behind, pull them off your asshole and feed them to her like grapes.
• The Grudge Fuck When you get the chance to fuck your ex one last time, push her face down in the pillow, spit on her ass, stuff your dick in her hard. When she screams, tell her "don't worry baby, it’ll only hurt till the blood lubes you up.” Gives you the satisfaction of fucking the bitch who fucked you over.
• The Hershey Kiss Take her pants off nice and easy. Lay her face down and start kssing her ass cheeks. Like a snake about to strike a rat, pucker up and dive your tongue into her Hershey highway. Whether she jumps or not, dig for some of her special dark chocolate.
• The Infamous Switcheroo This is tricky. and has some unwanted consequences from time to time; however, it is hilarious. First, you get a friend of yours who is about your build--size and looks don’t even have to match that well; however, it can't be a fat guy and a skinny guy. What you do is have one friend hide in the bathroom before you start railing your chick, then turn out the lights and start banging. Then in the midst of this you tell her you have to go to the bathroom, at which time you do so, and then when you enter the bathroom, your friend comes out and you hide. He immediately goes to town and once she says "hey, you're not Sean" you and your friend bolt for the door running out butt-ass naked while yelling "SWITCHEROOO AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Just be sure it's not your place or leave anything of value behind; that way you never have to speak to the slut again. A.K.A. The Trojan Horse.
• The Jared You have sex with a girl from behind and right before you cum, you beat her to death with a crowbar and bury her in your backyard with the other sluts.
• The jRok This is best done with an amateur slut. When doing her doggy-style, inset BOTH thumbs in her pooper and tap your fingers on her ass cheeks like you’re bored. Then, say 'it's natural baby' or 'bet you never had this before?'. After awhile, pull out, flip her over and start jerking it off like you're really close. When she looks at you and says 'did you go?', say, 'With you? Hell no! I have standards'. Then pass her off to your friend that never gets *****.
• The Kennedy While sitting on the edge of a pool getting blown, wait till you're about to bust nut. At that second push her head under water so she is shocked and her throat closes around your cock!
• The Life Guard If you’re having a threesome on a boat, wait till you're done, then offer to go skinny dipping. Have one guy (possibly the best swimmer of you two) jump over with her, then have the other throw you a life line and take off leaving her naked in the water.
• The Mike Hamlin Fetal Devourer First, you need to look like a rat/mouse type deal(thx Ben P.) then you just need to foolishly do one of the moves listed above or below this one and get her pregnant and eat the fetus.
• The Missionary You slip your penis into and out of the woman while she's lying on her back, with you on top. Eventually, the friction will cause you to ejactulate. This is unsuitable (and unobtainable) for the 18-year-old university freshman dipshits who find anything else in this list funny.
• The Mortar When taking a bitch from behind, get a good load saved up. Just as you’re about to bust a nut pull out, put your cock on the crack of her ass and release the load. If your aim is good, you can hit her in the back of the head.
• The Octopus No one except Azrael's ex actually knows what this is, but apparently it involves a lot of blood coming out of your dick.
• The Reality Get turned down for a date by every woman you know including your mother. Jack off to Brotney Spears photos, then go to ED and talk about your smooth sex moves.
• The Rodney Dangerfield When she does not get any respect (aka the hate fuck).
• The Royalty While you're fucking a girl, take a bottle of cheap wine, like Sutter Home, or Reunite, and bash her over the head with it, then rape her with the broken bottle.
• The Ruthie You need to be missing half your arm first. Use your stub to fist (or nub) your bitch.
• Sack Attack Best done in public. Two guys go up to both sides of an unsuspecting person. Both un-zip their pants, pull out their testicles, and shout "SACK ATTACK!"
• The Sagami Get on all fours and have your bitch shove a Hickory Farms salami in and out of your ass while she is jerking you off.
• The Sneaky Pete Get her in a shower stall in the change room after her cheerleading practice or whatever she does (field hockey?) Make sure she’s alone or I'm sure she will call for help.
• The Sneak Attack Get in an argument with a chick saying you don't want to have sex. Then tell her to go the fuck home. When she just got out the front door, go after her, pull it out, and do her in the hallway.
• The Southern Gentleman This is when two incredibly fat SEC football fans (think UGA) are consoling each other after a big loss. They cry in each other's arms in their hotel room. Next thing you know Lloyd and Maxwell are having 700+ lbs. of sweaty sex that could only occur on a hot, humid Georgia night.
• The Stephen Lin Before having sex with an Asian ladyboy with glasses, you lube it's ass with refried beans. Then you proceed in having anal sex with it until you spew your gue. After you wrap up, you have the ladyboy crap it's fajita mix on your chest and dig in.
• The Telephone Balls in the mouth, cock in the ear. Ring, ring, bitch.
• The Track Star Get a stopwatch. Start hitting it from the back in the pink. She looks like she is in the starting blocks. Now when you’re nice and hard and starting to cum, pull out and RAM it in her ass without her knowing, and start the watch and see how long it takes her to sprint the 40 to the bathroom. If she runs at the right time it will look like she has left a vapor trail.
• The Tuna Helper If you're too drunk to get it up, or your woman is an unholy bitch and you can't stand to fuck her any more, just shove what ever you can conjure as a hard-on in her twat and hump away until she at least fakes it to get you off of her. If she's a bitch, donkey punch her about 2 minutes into it. Then you don't waste your time.
• The Walking Zombie This is when you bust a nut in both of a girl's eyes. It's called the walking Zombie because when she's trying to find a towel to wipe it off, she'll be swaying her arms back and forth with her eyes glued shut!
• The Wet Willy! When you are getting head, as you are about to pop your cork, you wet your finger and stick it into the girl's ear. You might want to stick your other finger into the side of her mouth so she does not bite your rod.
• The White Dragon While she is giving you head, jizz in her mouth and then after, punch her in the stomach so she breathes white fire.
• The White Glove This instant classic can be performed from almost any sexual interaction but it works best while receiving oral. All you have to do is cum on your hand, then with your hand covered, slap a bitch. Challenging her to a duel afterwards is optional.
• Thunderstorm While in 69 position and your chick is licking your bunghole, let a thunderous fart and start the golden shower on her chest. (Better if multiple farts.)
• TJ Woody After she is done licking your balls, she proceeds to make you a sandwich.

• Toilet Slut Someone that acts as a human toilet for others drinking pee and eating shit.

• Tony Danza A takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony Danza. When you are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ass. Before she says anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch her in the back of the head.
• Toothache When a girl gives you oral and you’re about to blow, nut on her teeth and proceed to brush her teeth your penis.
• Tootsie Roll Subway When you fuck someone as hard as you can in their ass, spread both her asscheeks and your asscheeks open and take a shit in her ass.
• Tootsie Roll Subway Crash Do exactly as told in the Tootsie Roll Subway, but after you shit inside someone, kick them right in the asshole while screaming.
• Tossing Salad Well known by now. A prison act where one person is forced to chow starfish with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jell-O, jism, etc.
• Tower of White Power You simply say, "bitch please" while hittin' that with your very own tower of white power down below, then when she turns around, hit her in each eye with each one of your balls and say "DONKEY KONG, YAHHHHHH!"
• Truck Driver While you're doin’ her from behind, you stick your thumb in her unsuspecting ass and move your hand like your driving a truck, talking all sorts of trucker slang.
• Truth Offer her some champagne, light some candles. Barry White is a good choice of music. Scented oils are nice--better still are scented lotions, I always liked that one. Satin or silk sheets (I happen to like the texture of flannel), down pillows are good, especially oversized. Start with a massage or something equally relaxing, move towards kissing (take your time with this). Relax and get into it; there’s nothing quite like a good long kissing session. Heavy petting is only natural at this point. During foreplay, take it easy and try to satisfy her as much as possible. If the foreplay rocks then the sex is just really amazing icing. Don’t rush the foreplay, but move on when you are sure that she is physically ready for the next step. Make sure that you are also aroused--that is key, as you don’t want to go in too soft; it's just not worth the embarrassment and could totally ruin the atmosphere. The rest I'll let you decide on but here are some tips: be a gentleman and let her finish first, unless she verbally implies that you should; do not release your orgasm anywhere inappropriate; when it's over, hold her for a little while until the shivers pass, then suggest a hot bath or shower. You did it big guy, you had sex without doing anything wrong or stupid. Believe it or not, she will enjoy this and it will evolve over time. Then knock the bitch out with a tire iron.
• Tucson T-Bone This is the same as the jackhammer but with a slight twist... literally a twist. When you are doing the jackhammer make her twist yours balls. It’s quite an experience.
• Tuna Melt You're going down on a chick, lapping away, and you discover that it's her time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
• Twelve Go number 1 in her number 2. It's that simple.
• Two Pointer You make the girl sit on the toilet and then you sit/hover over her lap. While she's jacking you off you have shit and make sure it falls between her legs into the bowl. For a three point, finish up the two pointer by turning around and blasting her in the face.
• Ultimate Pleasure Take your dick and put it in a mousetrap. You'll cum instantly.
• Unhappy Ending Just like it sounds. Instead of finishing you off, the masseuse shoves her thumb up your ass!
• Underwater While getting head, push her head towards your body and hold it to see how long she can hold her breath.
• Viper Bite Put your middle finger in a chick’s ***** and your thumb in her ass and try to snap your fingers.
• Vulcan Shocker Two in the pink, two in the stink (it’s a variation of the original Shocker).
• Waiter Set a plate of food on your girl's back while giving it to her from behind, and enjoy a hearty meal while doing the nasty.
• Walrus Shoot your load in her mouth and before she gets a chance to swallow pinch the middle of her lips together and hit in her in the back of the head and your shit will ooze out the sides of her mouth like a walrus's tusks.
• War You and a buddy find a chick. Get her on hands and knees. She blows one guy while taking it from the other guy. Since you are already facing each other, play cards. Very demeaning and fun!
• Washington Surprise You're sitting in a chair or on the edge of the bed while your girl is giving you head. She doesn't want you to cum in her mouth so you promise to let her know. When you're about to nut, you tell her, and just as she pulls her head off your cock, you clamp her head between your knees and shoot it all over her face. Then you pull out a dollar bill, stick it to the nut on her forehead, and yell "Surprise!"
• Waterfall Alright, first have your girl bend over and grab her ankles, leaving her ass high in the air and her head low to the ground. While banging her brains out, pull it out and proceed to piss on her goouch (area connecting the ***** and asshole) and watch the piss flow down her ass and onto her face like a waterfall!
• Wedding Proposal Tell your gal you want to get kinky. Tell her you want her to get gang-banged by a group of Bulgarian midgets. When she says ok, tell her it's only a one time gig. Watch these little fuckers bury your gal. While they all simultaneously bloop on her, say, "Surprise Honey! Want to get married?"
• Western Grip When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use; hence, western.
• Wheel of Fortune AKA "Price is Right" AKA "Lucky Leo". Sit a girl down in a chair that spins. Have her lean over and stick out her tongue, then precisely place you dick by her tongue, then spin the chair around as fast as you can.
• Wheelbarrow Have your lady down on her hands doing her from behind with her legs out straight straddling your hips. Then walk around the room like pushing a wheelbarrow. You can tell her to pick shit up while she's down there too, but that's optional.
• Windshield Wiper When doing a chick in the ass, pull out your dong right before busting a nut and spray Windex over her back so she thinks you nutted. She'll turn around and then you jizz in her eye and wipe it on her face back and forth with your dong.
• Windy City When you (or your partner) starts licking the asshole and then the other partner farts in the face.
• Wizard Hat and Robe First, while you are getting your thing on, explain that you like to role play with costumes. You proceed to pull out your Wizard Hat and Robe. Then you start fondling your partner and say, "I cast level 4 Eroticism on you, so that you are actually hot." Before they say anything you start doing the nasty and shout, "I cast level 1,000,000 Multiple Orgasm AOE and we both die in our ecstasy!!" Once finished, put the hat and robe on your partner and say, "Your turn, Gandalf."
• Wolfbag Tie a thin piece of thread around a piece of bacon. Get your girl to swallow it, keeping hold of the end of the thread. Bang it up her arse. Just when you are about to blow pull the thread, causing the bacon to come back up. This will make her gag, which will in turn make her bum hole contract giving you a tight sensation.
• Woody Woodpecker While a chick is sucking on your balls, repeatedly tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
• Wounded Pigeon After getting extremely aggravated with some tramp, break her arm. Shortly following this you force her to give you a hand job.
• Yellow Submarine While receiving oral copulation, urinate in the oral cavity. Then proceed to have sex with her mouth-hole before she can spit/swallow.
• Zamboni You are doin’ a chick from behind. When you are about to bust, you pull it out and spray it on her back, then you spread it over her back with your nuts, like a Zamboni.

 

[Paterno]

This one made me laugh the most.


The Balcony While fucking a girl from behind on a balcony slowly slide out and let your friend or any random hobo slide in and run down to below the balcony and wave to her. By the time she notices, she is having some hobo's junk all up in the flava flav PUSS.