The most ridiculous thing you've ever heard from a customer

[FSwenson]

I have a number of stories to share, and I hope that others will be inclined to add more stories from their own lines of work.

First let me give you a little background:

I work in a college registrars office for a school called Eisenhower University - see http://www.eisenhoweruniversity.com. My division deals with prior learning assessment (PLA) and evaluation for people with work experience and/or previous college credits that they could turn into an Eisenhower degree. Every day our office gets calls and emails from all around the country, and I have the pleasure of speaking to a number of upstanding individuals who think they could get a Master's Degree in Engineering because they once "built a do-it-yourself radio kit." While we mail out degrees in many trades for work experience, we're not going to give you an Accounting Degree because your aunt was an accountant five years ago and you once "balanced your own checkbook." If you expect a university to grant you a degree based on work experience you should have actually, you know, worked in the field for a number of years.

What makes things worse is that the hippies at my university recently artifically lowered the PLA fees to ridiculous levels due to of some kind of "education should be free or almost free" mentality. That means my office gets bombarded with inquiries 24/7 from idiots with no any qualifications or work references at all, who want to trick us into giving them a degree.

- Story 1 -

Earlier today I had a call from a redneck wanting to apply with us. During the conversation this is what transpired:

Me: May I have your zip code please?

Him: Zip code? You mean 804?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry I meant your 5 digit zip code

Him: Hold on, HONEY!! WHATS THE ZIP CODE!!

Me: *pause*

Him: We don't know, I just want to sign up for the PLA program

Me: Absolutely. I will be happy to help you further; what state do you live in?

Him: STATE? the UNITED STATES!

- Story 2 -

Often we'll get clueless people who are so out of touch with technology that its laughable. Here's a snippet from a conversation with a 40 year old guy about applying for our work experience degree program online.

Me: What version of Windows are you running?

Them: Hold on, let me check.

Me: OK.

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal.

Me: ...

- Story 3 -

Last week a lady called in who was having trouble accessing her student account on our website. I don't know why she called our office, since tech support is a different division entirely. But after a little trial and error we were able to get her account fixed and everything squared away. The tail end of our conversation went like this:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me.

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's aluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on students I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.

 

[FSwenson]

I have more stories if you guys are interested. I'll probably be back later tonight since I have some important things to do at the moment.

 

[Journeyman]

Welcome to The Rx FSwenson

 

[JudgeWapner]

Funny shit, keep them coming.

 

[Christian]

i hate to give a newbie any s*** but "prior learning" degrees? you mean diploma mill, right?

hey, i'm all about scamming, as long you ain't hurting anybody else....but after seeing that special on 60 Minutes that exposed all those executives and that congresswoman who had those bogus degrees, it makes you see things a little differently.

i don't want one of my family members being operated on by a doctor who got his PhD from Mickey Mouse University! just my opinion.

 

[aceduecetrey]

I was in the tout industry for for 7 years so I have hundreds, but my favorite was......

Customer: I know you usually charge 1.5 million for your baseball season, but if I get you out 900k by next tuesday can I purcgase your season for that?

Fellow Tout: uhhhhhh let me see if I can make that work for you. Call me tomorrow.

Guy sent it.

 

[Journeyman]

guy sent what???????

 

[aceduecetrey]

guy sent what???????

900k in one payment.

Total of about 2.3 million

 

[Journeyman]

:monsters- what service?

 

[aceduecetrey]

:monsters- what service?

National Sports Consultants

 

[blueedwards]

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

nimue77, please tell your wife to stop hasseling this guy.

 

[FSwenson]

i hate to give a newbie any s*** but "prior learning" degrees? you mean diploma mill, right?

hey, i'm all about scamming, as long you ain't hurting anybody else....but after seeing that special on 60 Minutes that exposed all those executives and that congresswoman who had those bogus degrees, it makes you see things a little differently.

i don't want one of my family members being operated on by a doctor who got his PhD from Mickey Mouse University! just my opinion.

Uh, I don't know what crawled up your ass. Eisenhower is a perfectly legit university that's pretty well known. The school also offers traditional classes, as well as a bunch of other programs.

Here's another antecdote:

A few years ago I was working in the tech shop of a CompUSA. I had a customer give me grief for shaking a CD-R. He eyed me angrily and snapped, "Don't do that! You'll make all the data fall off!"

And one more:

As a teenager I worked in a Domino's pizza. One day some guy came into my work and asked if he could buy cupcakes and have us bake them on his pizza.

He was very fat and very serious.

 

[Christian]

nice try!!!

sorry to blow your cover kid, but that einstein university or whatever the hell it's called is a freaking diploma mill! LIFE EXPERIENCE DEGREES???? ha ha

oh, and i like the ACCREDITED BY THE U.S. DISTANCE LEARNING ORGANIZATION BLAH BLAH BLAH ha ha nice try pal!!!

it's not a real college, they're not real degrees, and they're certainly not accredited by any legit organization! it's a diploma mill, plain and simple. you pay a few bucks, you get a piece of paper to hang on the wall and impress your friends and future employers.