HONDO
Hondo, doing his best to make HondoNation great again, vaulted into the Bettor’s Guide penthouse with a so-so 8-8 record in Week 16 that nonetheless enabled him to snag a two-game lead on the sputtering Drew Loftis.
After engaging in some extreme vetting of this week’s tussles, Mr. Aitch expects to retain his lofty status with the following:
Best bets: Chiefs, Broncos, Packers.
Happy New Year, HondoNation!
Bills over Jets: With the toe tag having been put on Rex Ryan’s coaching tenure in Buffalo, the “bet the new coach” theory applies with the Bills. New starting quarterback EJ Manuel may labor early, but he will find his groove against the Jets’ laissez-faire “D.”
From emailer BarkingMut, the HondoNation SoBe correspondent: DT Sheldon Richardson, with his Santa-like corpulence, tried to pick the Jets up after their humiliating Christmas Eve shellacking in New England by asking: “Where’s the Ho Ho Ho’s at?”
Michelle Obama, addressing Donald Trump’s victory, told Oprah recently: “Now we are feeling what not having hope feels like.” Now she knows what it’s like to be a Jets fan.
Emailer Alan Weisberg, looking on the bright side of the Jets’ dismal season, writes: At least they finally found somebody with stones.
Giants over Redskins: Hondo isn’t buying the notion the Giants have no reason to go all out. By winning, they not only will go into the playoffs on a positive note, but also will eliminate the possibility of Odell Beckham Jr., their resident drama king, entering the concussion protocol because of another postgame head-banging session.
Dolphins over Patriots: The most interesting contest of the weekend might be the one between Mark Cannizzaro and Ms. Charleen as they try to avoid the shame of sweeping the basements in the overall and Best Bet standings. It’s a tough race to handicap because both players are eminently capable of achieving the rare double-downer.
Titans over Texans: Houston lacks motivation, because it is locked in as the AFC’s fourth seed. That means, even with Mariota out and the Titans reduced to Cassel-ing, the Texans will get rooked out of a 10th victory.
Browns over Steelers: Speaking of lacking motivation, Mike Tomlin intends to rest his killer Bs — Big Ben, Bell and Brown, which means it’s the Steelers’ scrubs against the Browns’ starters, who are mostly scrubs.
Buccaneers over Panthers: Have to ride the Buccaneers, who have an outside shot at the playoffs, over the Panthers who have no shot. It’s basic handicapping theory: Always take slim over none.
Cowboys over Eagles: Phil Jackson and Jeanie Buss have called off their engagement. It’s unknown who called the play, but sources say the Lakers’ co-owner no longer enjoyed his obsession with the triangle.
Vikings over Bears: There was a Michael Moore “Sighting” by Page Six this week at a restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen. Speculation is he has begun preparing for the afterlife.
Ravens over Bengals: President Obama, doing some legacy building, recently proclaimed: “We made America more respected around the world.” That’s so true, if you exclude Russia, the Ukraine, China, Europe, and the Middle East.
Colts over Jaguars: The President finally took a hard line with the Russians on Thursday, giving the boot to 35 of their diplomats because of alleged hacking during the election. That will teach them to expose Hillary Clinton’s lies.
Monica LewinskyAPSeahawks over 49ers: Obama claims he would have been reelected if he had run again, because Americans like his progressive agenda. Actually, they don’t like it, and said as much on Nov. 8, when, presented with the proposition: “If you like my progressive agenda, you can keep my progressive agenda,” they declined.
Falcons over Saints: Regarding the movie script about Monica Lewinsky’s White House internship that is being shopped, the casting director will have to find an actor who can bend it like Bubba, not Beckham.
Chiefs over Chargers: There could be more security guards pleasuring themselves at this week’s game at Qualcomm Stadium. That’s because Chargers officials called a meeting and told all the guards that anyone thinking of engaging in such activity should beat it.
Cardinals over Rams: Topping the list of returned Christmas gifts this year are (according to Hondo’s estimates): Chipotle gift certificates, e-cigs and the Samsung Galaxy Note 7s. Had some unlucky individual received all of those presents, they would have run the risk of blowing up while throwing up.
Broncos over Raiders: The Raiders have to be aching in their collective McGloins with Derek Carr up on the blocks for the foreseeable future. As Mr. Aitch sees it, the Silver and Black might want to stock up on some of Colorado’s primo ganja to ease the pain of possibly plunging from the second seed and an opening-round bye to the fifth seed and a wild-card tussle in Houston. Just smoke, baby!
Packers over Lions: Ban Ki-moon, whose tenure as Secretary General of the UN comes to a close Saturday, has been tabbed to push the button to make the ball drop on New Year’s Eve. That seems fitting, since he headed up an organization known for dropping the ball.
Speaking of New Year’s Eve, rumor has it Hillary still is so distraught about losing the election she is refusing to take part in Saturday night’s annual midnight dropping of her pantsuit in Chappaqua.
Best bets: Chiefs, Broncos, Packers.
Happy New Year, HondoNation!
FI
Hondo, doing his best to make HondoNation great again, vaulted into the Bettor’s Guide penthouse with a so-so 8-8 record in Week 16 that nonetheless enabled him to snag a two-game lead on the sputtering Drew Loftis.
After engaging in some extreme vetting of this week’s tussles, Mr. Aitch expects to retain his lofty status with the following:
Best bets: Chiefs, Broncos, Packers.
Happy New Year, HondoNation!
Bills over Jets: With the toe tag having been put on Rex Ryan’s coaching tenure in Buffalo, the “bet the new coach” theory applies with the Bills. New starting quarterback EJ Manuel may labor early, but he will find his groove against the Jets’ laissez-faire “D.”
From emailer BarkingMut, the HondoNation SoBe correspondent: DT Sheldon Richardson, with his Santa-like corpulence, tried to pick the Jets up after their humiliating Christmas Eve shellacking in New England by asking: “Where’s the Ho Ho Ho’s at?”
Michelle Obama, addressing Donald Trump’s victory, told Oprah recently: “Now we are feeling what not having hope feels like.” Now she knows what it’s like to be a Jets fan.
Emailer Alan Weisberg, looking on the bright side of the Jets’ dismal season, writes: At least they finally found somebody with stones.
Giants over Redskins: Hondo isn’t buying the notion the Giants have no reason to go all out. By winning, they not only will go into the playoffs on a positive note, but also will eliminate the possibility of Odell Beckham Jr., their resident drama king, entering the concussion protocol because of another postgame head-banging session.
Dolphins over Patriots: The most interesting contest of the weekend might be the one between Mark Cannizzaro and Ms. Charleen as they try to avoid the shame of sweeping the basements in the overall and Best Bet standings. It’s a tough race to handicap because both players are eminently capable of achieving the rare double-downer.
Titans over Texans: Houston lacks motivation, because it is locked in as the AFC’s fourth seed. That means, even with Mariota out and the Titans reduced to Cassel-ing, the Texans will get rooked out of a 10th victory.
Browns over Steelers: Speaking of lacking motivation, Mike Tomlin intends to rest his killer Bs — Big Ben, Bell and Brown, which means it’s the Steelers’ scrubs against the Browns’ starters, who are mostly scrubs.
Buccaneers over Panthers: Have to ride the Buccaneers, who have an outside shot at the playoffs, over the Panthers who have no shot. It’s basic handicapping theory: Always take slim over none.
Cowboys over Eagles: Phil Jackson and Jeanie Buss have called off their engagement. It’s unknown who called the play, but sources say the Lakers’ co-owner no longer enjoyed his obsession with the triangle.
Vikings over Bears: There was a Michael Moore “Sighting” by Page Six this week at a restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen. Speculation is he has begun preparing for the afterlife.
Ravens over Bengals: President Obama, doing some legacy building, recently proclaimed: “We made America more respected around the world.” That’s so true, if you exclude Russia, the Ukraine, China, Europe, and the Middle East.
Colts over Jaguars: The President finally took a hard line with the Russians on Thursday, giving the boot to 35 of their diplomats because of alleged hacking during the election. That will teach them to expose Hillary Clinton’s lies.
Falcons over Saints: Regarding the movie script about Monica Lewinsky’s White House internship that is being shopped, the casting director will have to find an actor who can bend it like Bubba, not Beckham.
Chiefs over Chargers: There could be more security guards pleasuring themselves at this week’s game at Qualcomm Stadium. That’s because Chargers officials called a meeting and told all the guards that anyone thinking of engaging in such activity should beat it.
Cardinals over Rams: Topping the list of returned Christmas gifts this year are (according to Hondo’s estimates): Chipotle gift certificates, e-cigs and the Samsung Galaxy Note 7s. Had some unlucky individual received all of those presents, they would have run the risk of blowing up while throwing up.
Broncos over Raiders: The Raiders have to be aching in their collective McGloins with Derek Carr up on the blocks for the foreseeable future. As Mr. Aitch sees it, the Silver and Black might want to stock up on some of Colorado’s primo ganja to ease the pain of possibly plunging from the second seed and an opening-round bye to the fifth seed and a wild-card tussle in Houston. Just smoke, baby!
Packers over Lions: Ban Ki-moon, whose tenure as Secretary General of the UN comes to a close Saturday, has been tabbed to push the button to make the ball drop on New Year’s Eve. That seems fitting, since he headed up an organization known for dropping the ball.
Speaking of New Year’s Eve, rumor has it Hillary still is so distraught about losing the election she is refusing to take part in Saturday night’s annual midnight dropping of her pantsuit in Chappaqua.
Best bets: Chiefs, Broncos, Packers.
Happy New Year, HondoNation!
FI
