Hondo
Humble Hondo gives thanks
Hondo has plenty to be thankful for this week, but mostly for his Bettor’s Guide-best 10-3-1 record in the Week 11 compulsories that pushed him nine games over .500, and his solid 2-1 Best Bet mark that kept him within striking range of George “Thrillis” Willis.
Enough yammering — it’s time to gather ’round the table and enjoy the annual sumptuous and tasty HondoNation Thanksgiving feast.
Lions over Vikings: Usually the Thanksgiving opener is a turkey of a tussle, but not this year. It’s Sam Bradford against Matthew Stafford in a game neither can afford to lose. Mr. Aitch gives a slight edge to Bill Ford’s Lions, who will enjoy a Ford Field fiesta after pulling a late escape, assuming they keep their focus.
Cowboys over Redskins: Thanksgiving/Black Friday Shopping Tip of the Day: Eat a light meal on Thursday so you will be able to move quickly and powerfully when the stampedes begin.
Steelers over Colts: If it wasn’t for bad Luck, the Colts would have no Luck, which sums up their season going into Thursday night. The Steel Curtain will fall early and often on some guy named Scott Tolzien.
Giants over Browns: It would be so much more fun for Big Blue backers if the defense would show up in the first half, Ben “Big Suit” McAdoo would keep his foot on the gas when the Giants get in covering range, and Robbie Gould would make more PATs than he misses. How ’bout it fellas?
One key indicator that bodes well for a Big Blue cover against Cleveland’s winless wonders is that the Pope officially brought to a close the Holy Year of Mercy on Sunday.
Jason Pierre-Paul should be in the running for Comeback Player of the Year — especially after getting 2.5 sacks against the Bears. One more and he would have had a handful.
Patriots over Jets: Forget Gang Green’s QB issues; there should be a CB controversy. Justin Burriss surely would be an improvement over the declining Darrelle Revis.
Tom Brady has assembled some gaudy stats since his four-game suspension ended. In fact, they’re so incredible rumor has it Roger Goodell wants to check out Brady’s balls again.
Chargers over Texans: “Hatchimals” reportedly are the hot Christmas toys for this year. The kiddies enjoy the interactive little critters, because they not only can teach them how to walk, talk and play, but also to whine, whimper and pout when elections don’t go their way.
Titans over Bears: Therapy dogs are helping some of the fragile Hillary supporters as they continue to struggle to get over her failure. Somehow, the distressed wimps feel a special kinship as they lick their wounds while watching the dogs lick their private parts.
Jaguars over Bills: It was a good week for Buffalo — not only did Dan Carpenter kick three field goals in a victory at Cincy, but his wife refrained from calling for a Bengal to be castrated.
Ravens over Bengals: Donald Trump was way off base Monday when he summoned mainstream media execs and anchors and ripped into them for being “deceitful liars.” He should have thanked them profusely, since voter rejection of the ’Crats’ devoted and loyal LapDog Media helped tilt the election in his favor.
Falcons over Cardinals: The dress Marilyn Monroe wore when she serenaded JFK on his birthday was sold at auction for $4.8 million. The only article of clothing that has a shot at topping that amount would be Monica Lewinsky’s Crusty Blue Love Dress.
49ers over Dolphins: Some people are giving Megyn Kelly a hard time about posing seductively for her interview with the Hollywood Reporter. There’s that darn double standard again — nobody ever gave Walter Cronkite grief for striking come-hither poses for a magazine article.
Saints over Rams: From BarkingMut, aka the HondoNation SoBe Correspondent: Arnold Schwarzenegger says the offensively impotent Rams are a bunch of Todd Gurley-men.
Buccaneers over Seahawks: Condolences to all those who were hoping to be thankful on Thursday that the 2 ¹/₂ -year war for Sofia Vergara’s frozen embryos had ended. Maybe next year.
Raiders over Panthers: Congrats are in order for Gov. Cuomo, who visited Harlem’s Abyssinian Baptist church Sunday to tell the parishioners about his “heavy heart” and talk about intolerance in the Trump era. With a full four years until the next big election, it marks the earliest visit to a black church by a pandering white politician presumed to be running for president.
Broncos over Chiefs: Another woof from BarkingMut: Scandal-tinged N.J. Gov. Chris Christie, who met with Trump for a possible cabinet post even after the Prez-elect demoted him from running his transition team, said The Donald’s dis was water under the George Washington Bridge.
Eagles over Packers: Trump’s decision not to have his administration pursue charges against Hillary accomplished three things: It puts him in a class with every other flip-flopping politician who has disregarded a campaign promise; it promotes the dreaded two-tiered justice system; and it renders unnecessary a secret tête-à-tête on the tarmac between Bill Clinton and new Attorney General Jeff Sessions.
Happy Thanksgiving to all in HondoNation and points beyond.
Best bets: Steelers, Ravens, Saints
