Hondo
Hondo holds his ground
Hondo squared up with mediocrity in Week 10, muddling his way to a 7-7 mark that left him in the middle of the Bettor’s Guide pack of predominantly pathetic pickers. He is hoping to achieve some separation from that group with these savvy selections:
Texans over Jets: You get the feeling if Ryan Fitzpatrick had to have both hands taped up like Jason Pierre-Paul’s right hand, Todd Bowles still would go with him over Geno Smith. The Texans seem to have rediscovered defense, which means Fitz could be in for some Watt-TF moments.
Speaking of Geno, he had some harsh words for Post reporter Zach Braziller after the Jets’ loss to the Bills. Asked for an interview, the backup QB responded. “No! N-O. Hell no!” And then he called Braziller a nasty name. Either Geno was upset about the defeat, or he has been backing Zach’s college picks, which presently are percolating at a .385 clip.
Panthers over Redskins: Execs of FanDuel and DraftKings made one crucial mistake when it came to doing business in New York. They failed to do what other companies with gambling interests in the state did: Make a significant donation to Attorney General Schneiderman’s campaign funds.
Lions over Raiders: Hondo finally found something about which he agrees with Obama, who told GQ he can’t believe Roger Goodell “gets paid $44 million a year.” Then again, given the President’s inability to accurately assess the ISIS threat, having called it “the JV” and saying it had been “contained” hours before the Paris attack, Mr. Aitch can’t believe Obama gets paid $400,000 a year.
Dolphins over Cowboys: Barack also told the magazine that before he became President, he didn’t grasp how “decentralized power is” in the country. Apparently, the former constitutional law prof thought he was running for DOTUS, Dictator of the United States.
Falcons over Colts: A watchdog group called World Against Toys Causing Harm has come out with its top-10 list of potentially hazardous toys, which includes Jurassic World’s dinosaur claws, a quick-folding trampoline and Poo Dough (must be for the stench). Other toys that should have been on the list: The JPP Trailer O’ Fireworks and The Jimmy Fallon Finger Follies, which comes with broken beer bottles and a kitchen knife, but the booze is not included.
Rams over Ravens: Huma Abedin told another one of Hillary Clinton’s aides it’s “very important” to go over phone calls with The Pantsuit because she is “often confused.” Ah, that explains why she thought the bouquet of flowers she was being given on the tarmac in Bosnia in 1996 was sniper fire.
Vikings over Packers: From BarkingMut, aka the HondoNation SoBe Bureau Chief: Diehard Green Bay fans are so distraught about their team’s three straight losses, they are forming a support group called “Pack Lives Matter.”
Some Packers fans are blaming the team’s downturn on Rodgers’ frequent hookups with girlfriend Olivia Munn. How hypocritcal — as if any of them would pass up a chance for a Lambeau leap into the sack with the actress.
Buccaneers over Eagles: According to a report, one in five New Yorkers allegedly experience some sort of “mental health disorder” in any given year. That seems about right — Hondo qualified Sunday when he suffered severe mental anguish caused by Mark “Señor ButtFumble” Sanchez throwing a late pick in the end zone against the Dolphins.
Bears over Broncos: Peyton Manning is sidelined this week with a partially torn plantar fascia and completely shredded ego after being benched for going 5-20-4-35 in the Broncs’ loss to the Chiefs. Apparently, he isn’t taking it well, having been heard muttering some new lyrics to his Nationwide Insurance song: Why does Peyton suck so much: Who the hell’s Brock Osweiler? Man, I have a weak-ass arm.
Then there’s the story about STDs increasing nationwide, which has the Center for Disease Control considering a PSA using the Nationwide song with applicable lyrics: Syphilis is on the rise; Avoid all those with Herpes; and Crabs can make you itch so much.
Bengals over Cardinals: Even though the Bengwads looked to be in playoff form in Monday night’s loss to the Texans, it’s time for Cincy to make Carson Palmer pay for quitting on them in 2011.
49ers over Seahawks: Russell Wilson, who has been sacked a league-leading 33 times, gets less protection from his offensive line than Charlie Sheen gave his partners … Word is this is Charlie’s bi week, so it’s his men that have to worry.
Chargers over Chiefs: Campbell’s recalled 355,000 cans of Campbell Spaghettios because pieces of plastic from the inner lining were found in with the pasta. Apparently, execs felt the risk of choking to death outweighed the benefits of the improved flavor.
Patriots over Bills: David Ortiz will be taking a farewell tour in 2016. Regarding his Hall of Fame status, sure to be brought up repeatedly is his appearance on a 2003 MLB list of PED users, which no doubt will cause some Yankees fans to feel a sense of schadenroid.
Best bets: Panthers, Falcons, Patriots.
Thursday: Jaguars [W]
