Here's what he really said (Howie Carr)
Boston Herald ^ | July 30, 2004 | Howie Carr
Here’s what he really said
By Howie Carr
Recent Columns by Howie Carr
Friday, July 30, 2004
If he really wanted to properly introduce himself to the American people last night, why didn't John Kerry [related, bio] use his trademark line, the one he has employed for so many years around here, whenever anyone calls him on anything?
``Do you know who I am?''
Instead - before the now famous balloon and f-bomb drop on CNN - we got the lame refrain, ``Help is on the way.''
Presumably, good help, which as John and the widow Heinz can tell you, is awfully hard to find.
It was an odd speech, and by the way, is it over yet? I thought he'd served in the Senate, but apparently he was fighting in Vietnam with a band of brothers from 1968 until last year when he announced for president.
If you used Kerry's speech to play the drinking game, where you take a sip whenever someone says a certain word, then you've probably got a hangover this morning if your word was ``Vietnam'' or ``fight'' or ``war.''
Thank God this convention is finally over. It turned into Mumbles Menino's Iraq war. Many fled the city in terror, so in case you didn't watch Liveshot's speech, let me provide you with the lines themselves, and then, in italics, what he really meant.
``People are working weekends; they're working two jobs, three jobs, and they're still not getting ahead.''
It's hard to get ahead when gigolos keep cutting in line in front of you.
``And what can I say about Teresa?''
Three words will suffice: one billion dollars.
``She's down to earth, nurturing, courageous, wise and smart.''
Did I mention her five mansions worth $50 million, and her $35 million Gulfstream V?
``Opportunity for all - so that every child, every parent, every worker has an equal shot at living up to their God-given potential.''
You too can marry two heiresses. It's the American dream.
``My fellow citizens, elections are about choices.''
Which is why I try to be on both sides of every issue. You choose which side you're on, I'm there for you.
``I rode my bike into Soviet East Berlin.''
It was a Schwinn - I'd never even heard of an $8,000 Serotta back then.
``As president, I will ask hard questions.''
Sommelier, which of these two imported $125 Merlots which you recommend?
``So tonight we say: Help is on the way.''
I'm sending my butler.
Boston Herald ^ | July 30, 2004 | Howie Carr
Here’s what he really said
By Howie Carr
Recent Columns by Howie Carr
Friday, July 30, 2004
If he really wanted to properly introduce himself to the American people last night, why didn't John Kerry [related, bio] use his trademark line, the one he has employed for so many years around here, whenever anyone calls him on anything?
``Do you know who I am?''
Instead - before the now famous balloon and f-bomb drop on CNN - we got the lame refrain, ``Help is on the way.''
Presumably, good help, which as John and the widow Heinz can tell you, is awfully hard to find.
It was an odd speech, and by the way, is it over yet? I thought he'd served in the Senate, but apparently he was fighting in Vietnam with a band of brothers from 1968 until last year when he announced for president.
If you used Kerry's speech to play the drinking game, where you take a sip whenever someone says a certain word, then you've probably got a hangover this morning if your word was ``Vietnam'' or ``fight'' or ``war.''
Thank God this convention is finally over. It turned into Mumbles Menino's Iraq war. Many fled the city in terror, so in case you didn't watch Liveshot's speech, let me provide you with the lines themselves, and then, in italics, what he really meant.
``People are working weekends; they're working two jobs, three jobs, and they're still not getting ahead.''
It's hard to get ahead when gigolos keep cutting in line in front of you.
``And what can I say about Teresa?''
Three words will suffice: one billion dollars.
``She's down to earth, nurturing, courageous, wise and smart.''
Did I mention her five mansions worth $50 million, and her $35 million Gulfstream V?
``Opportunity for all - so that every child, every parent, every worker has an equal shot at living up to their God-given potential.''
You too can marry two heiresses. It's the American dream.
``My fellow citizens, elections are about choices.''
Which is why I try to be on both sides of every issue. You choose which side you're on, I'm there for you.
``I rode my bike into Soviet East Berlin.''
It was a Schwinn - I'd never even heard of an $8,000 Serotta back then.
``As president, I will ask hard questions.''
Sommelier, which of these two imported $125 Merlots which you recommend?
``So tonight we say: Help is on the way.''
I'm sending my butler.
