OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the Summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he
dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE ORIGINAL STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and
dances and plays
the Summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a
press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be
warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of
the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can
this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the
grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing,
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of
the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing,
"We shall overcome."
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God
for the grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview
with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make
him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by the government
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is
tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits
of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just
happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around
him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related
incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of
spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
The ant works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the Summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he
dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE ORIGINAL STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and
dances and plays
the Summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a
press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be
warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of
the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can
this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the
grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing,
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of
the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing,
"We shall overcome."
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God
for the grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview
with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make
him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by the government
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is
tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits
of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just
happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around
him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related
incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of
spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
