I'm going to be in the minority which is fine cause most here don't want to sound like a pussy. If your marriage is a constant pissing match where you're always on the losing end, then it's probably doomed no matter what you do. If it's not, and this is just a one time thing, and it's important to your wife and you love your wife, I'd support her and let her you know you have her back. From her families POV they never see her on the holiday and want some solidarity this one time. I can relate cause I have mexican wife too, and she's got family in prison. It's funny cause she can't go days with out talking or seeing her family. I'm a white dude though and go years without talking or seeing my family, and it's not a big deal to me.
Women have layers man. You gotta peel back a few layers and see what is going on. It ain't easy. My first thought is she is mortally embarassed by the alleged crime and is humiliated to spend time with anyone who might judge her clan. If that is indeed the case, you gotta reassure her that the alleged crime will not be a topic of conversation on any level. Present the trip as a vacation from the stress for her. Woulod you have kids coming with you on the trip? Do they know about her nephew? Is it possible they would talk about it in front of your family? Layers man. layers and layers
Yeah, it's hard to know the dynamics of someone's relationship by a few posts on the Internet. Since I don't really have anything going on I would offer 3peet my services as a marriage advisor for a niminal fee + expenses. I will stay at a 4 star hotel nearby (which he pays for) and swing by for a few hours a day and observe WTH is going on. I like to eat dinner around 6:30. After a week 1/2 I will determine if the marriage is worth saving or not.
So... are you bringing the tequila?
Fuck that.
He was involved in crime. Sounds like something he wasn't forced into. His choice and his jail bid, not a family thing. I have made clear to my family members for some time now that if they do something foolish and end up in jail, don't expect me to visit and don't burn my phone line up. Now if you go to jail for beating up some molester for fucking with your kid, different story.
The reality is that your kids probably have been pulled in a different direction from what they are use to for the past 2 mos just to make your brother in law feel ok. That's bullshit and they deserve to have a normal Thanksgiving doing what they are accustom to.
He was involved in crime. Sounds like something he wasn't forced into. His choice and his jail bid, not a family thing. I have made clear to my family members for some time now that if they do something foolish and end up in jail, don't expect me to visit and don't burn my phone line up. Now if you go to jail for beating up some molester for fucking with your kid, different story.
The reality is that your kids probably have been pulled in a different direction from what they are use to for the past 2 mos just to make your brother in law feel ok. That's bullshit and they deserve to have a normal Thanksgiving doing what they are accustom to.
you're supposed to share lives, and it sounds as if she's using this excuse to avoid that with you. She's been there, you accepted that, but Thanksgiving is important to your family too. They need to see you and your kids
so you tell her she can go if she feels she must, but you feel it's equally important to see your family and the kids are going with you
maybe if this happened last week, I would appreciate her position more.
to be frank, this stuff is a tad bit touchy for me because my wife and her family are always trying to work things out where there's some important reason to spend every moment with them. And it's been happening for generations with them, so I have to put my foot down to stop that shit. They actually don't try to pull that nonsense with me anymore.
My two brother in laws and I have the same stories about this stuff, and my father in laws family is treated as if they don't even exist, so we all do the say the same thing, "No, we're sharing lives, it's not about me moving into your life and your life only".
so you tell her she can go if she feels she must, but you feel it's equally important to see your family and the kids are going with you
maybe if this happened last week, I would appreciate her position more.
to be frank, this stuff is a tad bit touchy for me because my wife and her family are always trying to work things out where there's some important reason to spend every moment with them. And it's been happening for generations with them, so I have to put my foot down to stop that shit. They actually don't try to pull that nonsense with me anymore.
My two brother in laws and I have the same stories about this stuff, and my father in laws family is treated as if they don't even exist, so we all do the say the same thing, "No, we're sharing lives, it's not about me moving into your life and your life only".
Awesome stuff guys. Thanks for the reply's. told her yesterday I wasn't gonna lose sleep over it. Decided that before I leave we're gonna have a small Thanksgiving as a family, the 5 of us and few friends. Then I'll take off for L.A. solo. Not to worry it'll be a good time. More than likely I'll extend the visit by a couple of days instead of coming back Sunday.
