Look at my striped shirt..

LineTamer+ · Apr 1, 2005

Look at my button down striped shirt! ******* look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some ***** tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!

My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!

I figure we’ll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the **** out of that little white ball! It’s going to be so ******* loud! I’ll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 ******* yards tonight! I’m that ******* pumped!

I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I ******* love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I’m crushing one right now!

I’m thinking about buying a boat this year!

I’m gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his ass! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I’ll scrub it out with his dick and some bleach! I mean it!

I’m gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub my cock against her so that she can feel my throbbing hard on!

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Party Fuel

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>I will valet tonight!

I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to “Take it easy on the brakes, Champ”!

I will talk to people I don’t know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I will call female bartenders “Babe” and male bartenders “Chief”!

When I do not hook up with a girl at that club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks”! We will wait in a long line to go to another bar only to strike out again!

I will give up and decide to order a gyro off of a street vendor! I will make fun of him to my friends for being foreign! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!

I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two big girls who are also ordering gyros to coming back to my place for “after hours”! When they say no I will make fun of them for being fat! I will leave!

When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!

I will then go to my room and pass out! I will need some shut eye so that I’ll be ready to ******* party again tomorrow!

LineTamer+ · Apr 1, 2005

Now I don't care who yar, that's funny right thar!"

RPM · Apr 1, 2005

yeah. thats some funny shitt man.

:lolBIG:

LineTamer+ · Apr 1, 2005

The art of the peel out

Those of you who own automobiles should ask yourself, "Am I PEELING OUT as much as I should be?" How else can you expect to fully convey your frustration and/or badassness with those around you, if you're unwilling to break while accelerating and PEEL THE **** OUT now and then. Are you afraid of confronting your feelings?

Here are a few tips and hypothetical scenarios on how to execute a successful PEEL OUT:

1. Peeling Out at the Office -- Your boss and your co-workers probably think you're a *****. Just face it, sitting there in your cubicle with your slacks and your solid-color ties, executing banal little tasks all the live-long day, nobody around you could possibly recognize your inner badassness. So what better way to blow off some steam--or tire, as it were--while showing your co-workers how much you Rawk, than by throwing that badboy Miata into overdrive and PEELING OUT of your company parking lot? See who starts getting invited to the happy hours with the "cool guys" now. Hell, you'll be an executive in no time.

2. Peeling Out at Bars and Nightclubs -- Is there anything in the world more awesomely badass than stumbling out of some one-word-named club ("Ice", "Sky", "Fluid", etc.), puking on your shoes, throwing yourself into the driver's seat of your leased BMW and inexplicably PEELING OUT in front of all the dudes and chicks waiting in line to get in? No, there's not. Sorry, but that's as badass as anyone could ever hope to be. Unless of course, your $23,000 system is bumping 50 Cent while you do it, then you're even more badass.

3. Peeling Out from the Red Light -- So there you are, sitting at a stoplight, and you look over at some little pansy in his Geo Metro, and he has the nerve to casually glance at you. That's right, he's ******* looking at you! YOU! There is really only one way to handle this situation. Immediately begin revving your engine as loud as possible until the moment when the light turns green, then PEEL OUT! (Note: if you get stuck at another stoplight 30 seconds later, and the guy is now laughing at you, DO NOT hesitate to put that ***** back in his place and PEEL OUT AGAIN.)

4. Peeling Out from Your Parents' House -- Nothing shows mom and dad how rebellious you are quite like jumping into the vehicle they have provided for you and sending a hellish screech down your quiet suburban street as you PEEL OUT on your way to the mall. Also, when you turn 25 and finally move out, then you come home to visit, it is still perfectly OK to PEEL OUT. That way mom and dad will know they've raised a complete and total badass, which is really what parenting is all about.

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</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>5. Peeling Out of the Drive Thru -- There's nothing funnier and cooler than hitting a Taco Bell drive-thru late at night and giving obnoxious and obscene orders to the impoverished immigrants who are manning it. Well, there is one thing funnier and cooler. Instead of ordering actual menu items, order various sexual phrases and innuendos (like, "Can I get the Donkey Punch Combo?") and wait for their exasperated, puzzled responses, then pull up to the window, throw a bunch of change at them and PEEL OUT while you howl laughter and spill Gordita sauce all over your Kenneth Cole shirt. Yo Quiero PEEL OUT? You bet your ass.

Those are just a few simple suggestions to optimize your PEEL OUT experience, but I think it was Meatloaf who said it best in his amazingly-titled ditty, "Peel Out", which might be his greatest song of all time:

Peel out! Peel out! Peel out! We're sick and tired of waiting in line
Peel out! Peel out! Peel out! Nobody's taking our time
Peel out! Peel out! Peel out!
Tire tracks and broken hearts, that's all we're leaving behind
There oughta be a law and there better be a crime.

aceduecetrey · Apr 1, 2005

Line Tamer said:
Look at my button down striped shirt! ******* look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some ***** tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!

My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!

I figure we’ll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the **** out of that little white ball! It’s going to be so ******* loud! I’ll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 ******* yards tonight! I’m that ******* pumped!

I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I ******* love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I’m crushing one right now!

I’m thinking about buying a boat this year!

I’m gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his ass! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I’ll scrub it out with his dick and some bleach! I mean it!

I’m gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub my cock against her so that she can feel my throbbing hard on!

<TABLE cellSpacing=5 cellPadding=0 align=right border=0><TBODY><TR><TD>

</TD></TR><TR><TD>
Party Fuel
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>I will valet tonight!

I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to “Take it easy on the brakes, Champ”!

I will talk to people I don’t know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I will call female bartenders “Babe” and male bartenders “Chief”!

When I do not hook up with a girl at that club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks”! We will wait in a long line to go to another bar only to strike out again!

I will give up and decide to order a gyro off of a street vendor! I will make fun of him to my friends for being foreign! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!

I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two big girls who are also ordering gyros to coming back to my place for “after hours”! When they say no I will make fun of them for being fat! I will leave!

When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!

I will then go to my room and pass out! I will need some shut eye so that I’ll be ready to ******* party again tomorrow!

Good luck tonight, hope thing go well!

For me tonight will consist of a pool match at 6pm that is will be easy money. After the guy get tired of losing his money to me, it will be off to the strip cub to "share" his money. Finally ending at my girls bar and hoping beyond hope that she is drunk enough at the end of the night to let me bring another girl home with us.