funny shit

[X-Files]

The Wisdom of the Soccer Player

"We lost because we didn't win." - RONALDO

"I've had 14 bookings this season - eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable." - PAUL GASCOIGNE

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." - MICK DRAPER

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." - STEWART PEARCE

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." - IAN RUSH

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." - ALAN SHEARER

"Winning doesn't realty matter as long as you win." - VINNY JONES

hno:

 

[X-Files]

"One day, this kid came home from school with a homework assignment. His
assignment: To tell the class the next day the difference between theory
and reality. He asked his father for help. "Dad, what's the difference
between theory and reality?" "That's easy, son." the father replied. He
gestured to his son to go ask his sister a question. "Go upstairs and ask
your sister if she would sleep with any guy for a million bucks." The kid
went upstairs and asked his sister, "Hey, Sis! Would you sleep with any guy
for a million dollars?" His sister gave a disgusted look and yelled,
"Pervert!" Then casually continued, "Of course I would, fool. Are you
stupid? It's a million bucks!" The kid quickly ran downstairs to tell his
dad. "Dad, dad, she said yes, yes she would sleep with any guy for a
million bucks." Then the dad said, "Now go ask your mother the same
question." The kid ran back upstairs and asked his mom, "Mom, would you
sleep with any guy for a million bucks?" The mom answered, "Of course!
That's allot of money!" The kid then ran back downstairs again to tell his
dad. "Dad dad, she said yes, yes she'll sleep with any guy for a million
bucks!" Then his dad mildly answered, "You see, son, that's the difference
between theory and reality. In theory, we're living on a gold mine. In
reality, we're living with two whores!" "