Henny--Dennis Leary wrote this song with you in mind.
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football and porno and books about war.
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.
My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table and a cuban cigar.
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no) no way (uh-uh)
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.
I'm an ******* (He's an *******, what an *******)
I'm an ******* (He's an *******, such an *******)
I use public toilets and piss on the seat,
I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"
I'm an ******* (He's an *******, what an *******)
I'm an ******* (He's the world's biggest *******)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.
I'm an ******* (He's an *******, what an *******)
I'm an ******* (He's a real ******* *******)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
NAAAAH!
I'm an ass**** (he's an *******, what an *******)
I'm an ******* (he's the world's biggest *******)
(Spoken)
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado,
hot-fuckin'-pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big
brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in
that baby doing 115 miles an hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down
quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-
biodegradable styrofoam containers... yeah! And when I'm done suckin' down
those greaseball burgers I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right
out the
side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You
know why?
Because we got the bombs, that's why... yeah! Two words--nuclear
fuckin'
weapons, OK? Russia, Czechoslovakia, Romania, they can have all the
democracy
they want...they can have a democracy cakewalk right through the
middle of
Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick of fuckin' difference,
because we got
the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead--he's frozen! And when we find
a cure for
cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed
off. You
know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15
million
times--that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the
Duke and
John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of fuckin' whisky and
drive...
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know you really are an *******?)
Why don't you shut up and sing the song, Chris. I thought I was the
*******... all the time it was him... what an *******!
(Sung)
I'm an ******* (I'm an *******, he's an *******)
I'm an ******* (He's the world's biggest *******)
A S-S H-O L-E
Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay
A-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo
(Spoken)
I'm an ******* and I'm proud of it
