WASHINGTON, DC—The nation's sweeping new gun-control legislation is the result of a confidence trick pulled on President Bush by a devious rabbit, White House sources said Tuesday. The "Coney Act," which Bush signed into law Monday, prohibits the sale or ownership of handguns and semi-automatic weapons and enacts harsh penalties for the hunting of small game, most notably rabbits.
"The gun ban is not the result of a change in the Republican Party's position on gun ownership," Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) said. "It is the product of a fraud perpetrated by a conniving rabbit, perhaps as an elaborate ruse to avoid being eaten by the president, who is much bigger and stronger than he. Through the use of quick wits and cunning, not physical strength, that dang rabbit got the best of the president."
Above: Reporters confront Bush about his recent bamboozling by a devious rabbit.
When he heard about the bill, Frist said he "immediately questioned its authenticity" and informed the president that its author, a "Senator Lepus H. Coney," was not an elected Alabama legislator.
At a press conference Tuesday, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan related the story of Bush's encounter with the rabbit, whom the president met in the White House's famed Rose Garden, where the rabbit was trespassing.
"Now, dat ole rabbit, he knew Pezziden' Bush had it in fo' him after he seed him lopin' about in his best rose bushes ez sassy ez a jackdaw," McClellan said. "Sez Pezziden' Bush, sezee, 'I'm gwine ter settle yo' hash, ole Rabbit. I best not cotch you in my rose patch agin, or I'll fill yo' britches wit buckshot.'"
McClellan said that the rabbit, fearing for his life, devised a plan.
"Ole Rabbit got ter studyin' on da problem," McClellan said. "He knew his letters, so he tuck up some paper an' a pen an' commenced scratchin' away. Bimeby, he had hisse'f a right pert mess o' papers, an' so he spreaded 'em out 'pon Pezziden' Bush's writin' desk. Den he set hisse'f down on Pezziden' Bush's fanciest settin' chair es if he wuz borned to it, an' he smoked a seegyar, no less."
According to McClellan, when Bush spotted the rabbit in his chair in the Oval Office, he was "madder'n a yaller jacket."
"The gun ban is not the result of a change in the Republican Party's position on gun ownership," Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) said. "It is the product of a fraud perpetrated by a conniving rabbit, perhaps as an elaborate ruse to avoid being eaten by the president, who is much bigger and stronger than he. Through the use of quick wits and cunning, not physical strength, that dang rabbit got the best of the president."
Above: Reporters confront Bush about his recent bamboozling by a devious rabbit.
When he heard about the bill, Frist said he "immediately questioned its authenticity" and informed the president that its author, a "Senator Lepus H. Coney," was not an elected Alabama legislator.
At a press conference Tuesday, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan related the story of Bush's encounter with the rabbit, whom the president met in the White House's famed Rose Garden, where the rabbit was trespassing.
"Now, dat ole rabbit, he knew Pezziden' Bush had it in fo' him after he seed him lopin' about in his best rose bushes ez sassy ez a jackdaw," McClellan said. "Sez Pezziden' Bush, sezee, 'I'm gwine ter settle yo' hash, ole Rabbit. I best not cotch you in my rose patch agin, or I'll fill yo' britches wit buckshot.'"
McClellan said that the rabbit, fearing for his life, devised a plan.
"Ole Rabbit got ter studyin' on da problem," McClellan said. "He knew his letters, so he tuck up some paper an' a pen an' commenced scratchin' away. Bimeby, he had hisse'f a right pert mess o' papers, an' so he spreaded 'em out 'pon Pezziden' Bush's writin' desk. Den he set hisse'f down on Pezziden' Bush's fanciest settin' chair es if he wuz borned to it, an' he smoked a seegyar, no less."
According to McClellan, when Bush spotted the rabbit in his chair in the Oval Office, he was "madder'n a yaller jacket."
