Have a heart man. This 16 year old ass pirate is just lonely during the holidays. You knew that Cool Hand Jim, being an Irish Catholic, loves them young boys. I think you should call that fat slut back and tell her that you finally found somebody that can help her son out. Tell her it's a military training thing, so when she's hears about the "don't ask; don't tell" thing then she'll think that her son is really getting straightened out & will finally have some peace. Meanwhile this little fag Raiders will get the cock up his ass that he's been craving ever since he reached puberty 2 years ago & maybe he can stop stalking you.
Everyone wins this way (except Jim's gay lover New Father Ryan, but we won't tell him)