On the suggestion of Skins, I ask you all to submit at least ONE, if not more, funny or great sex stories. Fuck the prom queen? share. Fuck a hideous beast? share. Anything and everything that you think would be a good read deserves to be shared.
My story is one I'll never forget because I made the mistake of taking a drink from a silly ugly whore.
So, me and three buddies went out to a local bar that's usually pretty hoppin'. On this particular night, however, it's pretty dull. So, the three of us are just minding our own business and shootin' the shit when this bitch walks over and offers to buy us all a drink. We were skeptical but accepted and downed what seemed to be soco/lime. About 5 minutes later, I'm absolutely obliterated. Mind you, I did not have more than say 1 or 2 beers thus far. All my buddies are laughing their ass off at me as this girl is putting the moves on me. They just thought I pre-gamed by myself before they picked me up and the last shot did me in. Not so much...
Fast forward 2 hours later.. About this time I'm extremely horny and extremely wasted. My friends talked to this girl and evidently got me to go home with her. Normally I'd have no problem with this, BUT I found out later this bitch looked like Shiva and Motaro from Mortal Kombat. At the time, I didn't think she looked too bad but pictures later disproved this theory, as found in my cell phone the next morning. She wasn't fat or ripped, just beastly.
Back at her place we start fucking around and I go down on her.. so I'm carpet munching for awhile and she tells me to shove a finger up her ass. Alright, I'm down for that. Now remember, I'm absolutely mangled.. next thing I know this crazy whore is shoving my face in her ass. Despite being completely mangled, this is where I draw the line... Maybe for my girlfriend, but not for some silly ho. Thankfully, I still had enough sense to dip out. I slip out of this choke hold and tell her it's turn for her to suck on some knob.
The blowjob started out fantastic. Plenty of deep throat action and substantial moistness. Keywords being started out. A couple minutes into it she comes out of nowhere with a lubed up finger and tries throwing it up my ass. Dumbfounded, I jump off before she gets anything more than nail deep and ask her wat the hell shes doin? She claims all guys love it. I said well not this guy bitch. She got all offended and I told her to shut up and turn over. I proceeded to fuck her and splurge a huge load all over her face and pass the fuck out.
I wake up the next morning with a migraine x10 and my wallet missing. My cell phone is thankfully still there but this bitch is nowhere to be found. I come to find out that I'm not at her place, but actually a hotel, all my shit is gone, and the only thing I have left are my boxers, my cell phone, shirt and pants. My shoes and socks; mysteriously missing. I get a hold of my friend who came and picked me up laughing his ass off until he found out they set me up with some whore, literally.
I went to the hospital and got checked out and thankfully, was clean. The doctors think I was drugged somehow.. which I find kind of funny yet sad. I probably would of banged her and flipped her the $20 in my wallet if she was that bad off. All my credit cards and identification were in my work wallet. (it's kind of odd but I keep two separate wallets, and it paid off this time). So basically this crazy whore made off with $20 and a face full of cum when she thought she was getting something a whole lot better. Later come to find out that the finger up the ass episode was something the fella's told this bitch I was really into.
Moral of the story is next time you think your messing with some bitch whos just acting like a whore, be careful, she may actually be one. lol
Poor whore. Share your stories fella's.
My story is one I'll never forget because I made the mistake of taking a drink from a silly ugly whore.
So, me and three buddies went out to a local bar that's usually pretty hoppin'. On this particular night, however, it's pretty dull. So, the three of us are just minding our own business and shootin' the shit when this bitch walks over and offers to buy us all a drink. We were skeptical but accepted and downed what seemed to be soco/lime. About 5 minutes later, I'm absolutely obliterated. Mind you, I did not have more than say 1 or 2 beers thus far. All my buddies are laughing their ass off at me as this girl is putting the moves on me. They just thought I pre-gamed by myself before they picked me up and the last shot did me in. Not so much...
Fast forward 2 hours later.. About this time I'm extremely horny and extremely wasted. My friends talked to this girl and evidently got me to go home with her. Normally I'd have no problem with this, BUT I found out later this bitch looked like Shiva and Motaro from Mortal Kombat. At the time, I didn't think she looked too bad but pictures later disproved this theory, as found in my cell phone the next morning. She wasn't fat or ripped, just beastly.
Back at her place we start fucking around and I go down on her.. so I'm carpet munching for awhile and she tells me to shove a finger up her ass. Alright, I'm down for that. Now remember, I'm absolutely mangled.. next thing I know this crazy whore is shoving my face in her ass. Despite being completely mangled, this is where I draw the line... Maybe for my girlfriend, but not for some silly ho. Thankfully, I still had enough sense to dip out. I slip out of this choke hold and tell her it's turn for her to suck on some knob.
The blowjob started out fantastic. Plenty of deep throat action and substantial moistness. Keywords being started out. A couple minutes into it she comes out of nowhere with a lubed up finger and tries throwing it up my ass. Dumbfounded, I jump off before she gets anything more than nail deep and ask her wat the hell shes doin? She claims all guys love it. I said well not this guy bitch. She got all offended and I told her to shut up and turn over. I proceeded to fuck her and splurge a huge load all over her face and pass the fuck out.
I wake up the next morning with a migraine x10 and my wallet missing. My cell phone is thankfully still there but this bitch is nowhere to be found. I come to find out that I'm not at her place, but actually a hotel, all my shit is gone, and the only thing I have left are my boxers, my cell phone, shirt and pants. My shoes and socks; mysteriously missing. I get a hold of my friend who came and picked me up laughing his ass off until he found out they set me up with some whore, literally.
I went to the hospital and got checked out and thankfully, was clean. The doctors think I was drugged somehow.. which I find kind of funny yet sad. I probably would of banged her and flipped her the $20 in my wallet if she was that bad off. All my credit cards and identification were in my work wallet. (it's kind of odd but I keep two separate wallets, and it paid off this time). So basically this crazy whore made off with $20 and a face full of cum when she thought she was getting something a whole lot better. Later come to find out that the finger up the ass episode was something the fella's told this bitch I was really into.
Moral of the story is next time you think your messing with some bitch whos just acting like a whore, be careful, she may actually be one. lol
Poor whore. Share your stories fella's.
uppy: 
