A few jokes

[LineTamer+]

A guy moves into an apartment complex.

He's putting his name on his mailbox when he hears a door open in the hall.

He glances towards the door and sees a gorgeous woman dressed only in a bathrobe come out.

He tries not to look at her as she gets her mail, but she engages him in conversation.

As they talk she turns to look down the hall and her robe opens slightly and he notices she is wearing only the robe.

They talk a little more, and she says, "Shhh, I think I hear somebody coming. Could we continue this conversation in my apartment?" He agrees to this.

As they talk in her apartment, she moves and her robe falls to the floor and he gets a good eyeful.

She then says, "Now that you've had a good look, what do you think is the best part of my body?"

He says, "Your ears."

She is downright speechless but finally replies, "My ears? Look at these breasts, look at this butt, look at my *****. How can you say my ears?"

He replied, "Remember in the hall when you said you heard somebody coming?

That was me!"

 

[LineTamer+]

One spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot below the surface of a lake and saw a fly hovering just out of striking distance.

The fish said to itself, "If that fly comes six inches closer, I'll jump up and have myself a meal." Just then, a bear on the shore of the lake looked up and said to itself, " If that fly gets any closer to that fish, the fish will jump up, and I'll catch the fish and have myself a meal."

As luck would have it, a hunter saw what was happening. He thought to himself, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, and I'll shoot the bear."

Just then, a rat was standing behind the hunter saying to itself," If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, the hunter will lean over to shoot the bear, and I'll grab the sandwich from the back pocket of the hunter.

However, unbeknownst to the rat, a cat was observing everything and thinking, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will grab the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the rat will grab the sandwich, and I'll snatch the rat."

At that very moment, the fly dropped a few inches, the fish grabbed the fly, the bear grabbed the fish, the hunter shot the bear, the rat grabbed the sandwich, the cat jumped, missed the rat and landed in the lake.

The moral of this story is:

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