2nd half NBA Picks

[TonyTotals]

Back on the right track last night with the 2 - 1. My girl had me drive her to the OBGYN. I'm sitting here in the office, while some guy has my girls legs spread like butter on a dinner roll in the examining room. This is the only place in the world where a guy sits and reads magazines while another man plays with his girl's p@ssy in the next room. All because he went to school to learn how to play with p@ssy. You need to go to school for that? You can do four years in a Philly public high school and be just as man expert. I should probably go in there and watch and take notes: Oh, so you're not supposed to just jam it in dry. It hurts. I better write that down...


Best thing is that there's one other female in the waiting room. Oh, she's about the size of a killer whale and acne like some college math geek. Her p@ssy must smell like a fish market that's outta ice in the dead heat. That's a nice way to close the day, huh? This lady doesn't even shave the hair on her upper lip, I can't imagine the jungle between her pants.


Best part is, this jerk-off is gonna go home and ask his wife what's for dinner and she'll say 'fish'.


NBA picks today:


Dallas -5.5
Port -5


Dallas because when I mined the data for game situation records for bettors, there were three bettors who pick 57.5% or better when taking home/fav/3 - 6.5 and all 3 have Dal.


Port because they have covered 75% of the time this year as a road/fav/3 to 6.5.

 

[TonyTotals]

2 - 0 last night. Mining the data is showing some nice results when I combine the use of the two tools: Trend Query Database and the Searchable Consensus. We have a third tool on the horizon as well which will be able to predict with good probability if a team on an ATS streak will continue the streak or break it in their next game.


Here's what we have for tonight:


ORL -4.5
UTAH +5
LAC -1.5


ORL because when the data is mined for bettors strength in the game situation, there's more bettors with strengths on Home/Fav between 3 and 6.5, plus CHI has only covered 22% of their games this year as a Road/Dog between 3 and 6.5


UTAH because63% of the opinions entered are on TOR, plus TOR has only covered 42% of the time this year as a Home/Fav between 3 and 6.5


LAC because 67% of the opinions collected are on OKC and OKC is 0 - 2 this season as a small road dog.


Good Luck. I think I may have to sneak out to the bar to sweat these games tonight. I'm gonna have to pull a Shawshank Redemption type of escape swimming through 500 yards of sh!t.

 

[RussellPeters]

Dude!!! This thread is pricesless! Picks aside your insights and humor are killing me!!! Thank you for posting the plays and the hilarious stories!! Awesome stuff!!

 

[TonyTotals]

Thanks, Russ. Another 2 - 1 last night. But what's priceless is that girl's ass in your profile pic.

 

[TonyTotals]

Last night I snuck out for a few hours with a cousin of mine. He's kinda not all there, you know the type. We were sitting at a sports bar up the road from me that has the NBA pass on Direct TV. The picks were 1 - 1 at this point and the Clippers were down 20 in the 2nd half. He asked me if I wanted to take a ride with him to some club where his friend works the door. I really didn't feel like it, but I didn't feel like watching the Clippers get blown out either so I went.


We drove down to South Street in Philly and parked the car. I followed him as he walked up to this non descript door in the middle of the block. It looked more like someone's house rather than a club. He knocked. The door had an eye slit and it opened. The guy took one look at us and opened the door. He shook hands with me and my cousin and welcomed us inside.


Inside was super dark and it didn't look like a normal club. There were little rooms here that all had privacy curtains. I asked him what kind of club this was, he said it was a swinger's club. You mean for trapeze artists or something, I said. He laughed. He said he comes here all the time and has sex with other men's wives and girlfriends. I always thought these places were like from a Mother Goose tale or something or in movies. I didn't know there were really guys out there that like to watch their women get plowed by other men. Apparently, this is a thing.


Sure enough, after about an hour of sitting at a little bar they had set up, some guy approached my cousin and I and asked us if we'd like to double team his wife. Just like that, like he was asking me if I'd like more stuffing at Thanksgiving dinner. Of course, my cousin looks at me and asks if I wanted to. I just pictured having a sword fight with him, vying for the women's vagina. After that visual, I passed. My cousin asked if he could still f@ck her. The guy's reply was, By All means...


So my cousin disappeared for like an hour, in the meantime I sat there and watched men trade sex partners like they were baseball cards. After an hour my cousin came back. How was it I asked. He said real good. The Guy is married to a former mrs. New jersey contestant. Did he say anything afterward to you or while it was going on I asked. He said he just politely thanked him and shook his hand like you just gave the guy's car a jump, but instead of his car, you jump his wife, and instead of cables its your c@ck.


Anyway, we leave and I check the score of the game, expecting to see an OKC blowout final and the Clippers had a miraculous comeback. It was a good night.


For tonight we have:


PHX +13.5
DAL -7.5


PHX because 57% of the opinions are on MIA. Also, when mining the data according to game situation win percentage, PHX has stronger player's on its side. Its does bother me that PHX is 0 - 3 this season as this much of a road dog, but I think tonight is an evening out event meaning the results of this game will bring that percentage closer to the mean.


DAL because DAL has covered 75% of the time this year as a Home/Fav of 7 - 9.5. On the other hand, SAC has only covered 40% of the time as a road/dog between 7 and 9.5.

 

[tnvolfan]

HaHa.....very nice entertaining thread with plenty of winners...nice work Tony

 

[oatiko]

This thread is hilarious!

 

[TonyTotals]

No lie, my cousin just texted me and said he just took a piss and it felt like razor blades were shooting out of his d!ck. I asked him if he wore a rubber with that guy's wife. He said, well I figured if she was married then she must be clean. Clean? The Guy watches her get pounded by strange dudes every weekend. He's my cousin and I love him, but he's a gad dam fckin idiot.

 

[TonyTotals]

Could you imagine this guy out at a golf tournament talking to his buddy. The buddy says, me and the mrs. have a wedding to go to this weekend. I hate those things. Got any plans, Mel? Yeah, he says, I'm gonna watch two Mexicans double team my wife. FOUR....

 

[TonyTotals]

Need a nice bounce back night. I wasn't feeling confident about last night's picks and go figure they lose. Here's what we got tonight:


NYK +9.5
PORT +6
MIA -9.5
LAL +9.5


NYK because only 36% of the opinions entered were on NYK and the Knicks have covered 67% of the time this year as a road/dog between 7 and 9.5


Port because 61% of the opinions entered were on TOR and TOR has only covered 50% of the time as a home/fav between 3 and 6.5


MIA because the 76ers have only covered 20% of the time this year as a home/dog between 7 and 9.5.


LAL because 75% of the opinions entered on that game were on ATL and taking the Lakers tonight you will be with the books and against the players.


Supposed to be going to dinner tonight with my girl, her loud mouth father, ditzy mother, and idiot brother. Being in a room with all three of them at the same time sucks the intelligence right out of your brain. I just go and order the most expensive appetizer, entrée, and dessert on the menu cause I ain't fckin payin'.

 

[TonyTotals]

Anytime the NBA hands you a 3 - 1 when taking four picks you shut up and take it. It's like getting over paid at the casino which has happened to me a few times. I remember I was at the Trop in AC the night they had the grand opening for their poker room like 18 - 20 years ago. Back then, you got the chips to play from the dealer but now you buy from the cage. So, I hand the dealer two hundred dollar bills. She was so nervous and had no idea what she was doing and the room was so busy that she took five hundred in chips out of the rack and gave it to me. Thank you Tropicana.

 

[TonyTotals]

I love how women claim they want to be treated equally as Men. Last night my girl wakes me up from a dead sleep. She said she heard someone moving around downstairs. Of course she wants me to go downstairs in my underwear, using one of her curling irons as a weapon. Cause sure, let me take two to the center of the chest or get bludgeoned to death. You want the same rights as a man? Get your lazy azz our of bed and go check it out Columbo.. You know? Why do I gotta get OJ'd because I have a penis?


Lets keep the NBA roll going. The tools I am are really keying in on winners.


Here's what we got tonight:


DET - 6
IND +2.5
CHI -1


DET because NYK have covered only 33% of the time of a home dog of this size, and when I mined the betting demographics of the public to show everyone's ability to pick the game situation they did, the evidence really pointed to DET as the side with more strong game situation players.


IND because WAS has covered only 44% of the time has a small home fav this year and 57% of the opinions entered on this game are WAS opinions.


CHI because 61% of the opinions entered are HOU opinions plus CHI has covered 100% of the time this year as a small home fav (3 - 0), and HOU has covered only 33% of the time this year as a small road dog.

 

[TonyTotals]

I'll take the 2 - 1 last night. Using these two tools together has been filtering out the down trends nicely. In about four weeks, I will be integrating a third tool I am having developed to the process. In beta, the tool performed fell well identifying a 24 - 7 trend in the NFL this year.


Today, I was watching a show on sexuality on cable. I'm fine with gay people, even ok with them marrying, I mean what the hell does it bother me if two men or women want to get married? I even get bi-sexual women. I can see how a woman can find another woman desirable but still like men too. But I'll tell you, I do not understand bisexual men. How the hell do you look at a pic of Jessica Alb and say, 'Boy, I'd really like to f@ck the sh!t out of her, and then flip the next pic to David Hasselhoff and say, 'Boy, I'd really like to blow the Hoff and have him come all over my face.' That just boggles my mind.

 

[TonyTotals]

Sunday is a great day to take some money off of your bookie. Don't you love how all bookies moan, too? I grew up in South Philly where people who sound like Rocky Balboa are actually fckin doctors. You can't throw a stone in South Philly without hitting a bookie on the head. Ask one of them how they're doing. The look at you and shake their head and say 'Bad. Bad. Bad.'. Uh-huh. Fat Joey DiGiacomo is nailing those three team parlays night after night, right? Bad Knees Dom is crushing those $300 straight up bets, right? Yeah OK. I'd like to say, if you farted right now, a thousand bucks would fall out of your ass.


If you know a bookie, hit them with these three plays wilh all you got today and sit back and enjoy the rewards.


MIL +7.5
DAL -4
HOU +7


MIL because 65% of the opinions entered on this game were on OKC and OKC is 0 - 5 this year as a road/fav between 7 and 9.5. They've covered 0% of the time. So we have the public heavily backing a negative trend. Can you say Cha-Ching!!!! What am I doing, you shouldn't talk sh!t to the NBA because it will shove its c0ck in your mouth at any given time.


DAL because DAL has covered 67% of the time this year as a road/fav between 3 and 6.5, plus when I use the consensus tools and can mine the data for everyone's strength in a game situation with a spread of 3 - 6.5 points, the data also pointed to DAL.


HOU because 63% of the opinions are on TOR, plus HOU has been in this situation twice this year, that is a road/dog between 7 and 9.5 and they covered both times, 2 - 0.

 

[TonyTotals]

Also, FYI, GSW is 0 - 2 ATS this year as a road/fav above 14. I personally do not bet against them, but for those that do today is a great day to do it.

 

[TonyTotals]

Two picks tonight.


MEM +11.5
SAC -1.5


MEM because 55% of the opinions on the game are on CLV who has only covered 16% of the time as a Home Fav between 10 and 13.5


SAC because 55% of the opinions are on NO and NO is 0 - 3 ATS this year as a small home dog.

 

[TonyTotals]

Blew that Sac game Like a Johnny Holmes load all over a 19 year olds face. You know what they say, sometimes the dog bites you and sometimes you get just face ducked by the NBA. I think Walt Whitman coined that one. Yea, pretty sure.

 

[TonyTotals]

Got robbed out of a 2 - 0 last night, but as they say. You gotta get up, pull ur pants down again and let the NBA do its thing to your assh0le. I think John Keats said that at the end to Ode to a Grecian Urn.


I was standing in line at the grocery store today and I wanted to check into my site to see how the early opinions were faring on my site. What I forgot to do after the morning jerk-off session today was X out the porn video I was watching. So, when I opened the Internet in line it opened up the video screen and started to play: Give me that big fckin c0ck! Fcuk me! Fcuk me!


Needless to say, the store went quiet and everyone looked at me like I was Jared Fogle. The girl likes big d!cks, what do you want from me????


Tonight we are going with these plays:


BRK +12
UTA -1.5
WAS +6


Brk because 61% of the opinions collected are on TOR, plus that 81% cover rate in the game situation is just too good to pass up


UTA because you gotta like a 60% cover rate for the game situation, plus when the consensus data was mined for game situation strength, there are 9 people who have a win% less than 45% when the spread is under 3. All 9 have ATL


WAS because only 35% of opinions collected are on WAS and WAS has better than 60% cover rate in the game situation.

 

[varkeyboy]

Love me some Portland tonight! 1 of us wins =)

 

[TonyTotals]

As The famed poet Robert Frost once said, 'In the glistening snow we see our life, but keep betting on basketball and the NBA will make you its wife.' Truer words have never been spoken.


I was watching some MSNBC today for the latest Donald Trump quotes and I saw Brian Williams. He's the anchor that was chastised for lying about a helicopter attack that he was in. Turns out he was in the helicopter behind the one that was attacked. They call that a fckin lie? That statement was mostly true. He was in a war zone, a Helicoptor a few dozen feet ahead of him came under fire. Sh!t, that's close enough for me to say I was under attack. They should know the stuff I've lied about over my life. They wanted the guy's bllod cause he said he was a few dozen feet ahead of where he really was. That's a weak ass lie. Try looking your best friend in the face and telling them the rumors of you fingering his younger sister while anally penetrating her with a cucumber are false. Try denying that one with a straight face. If that guy lost his job for what he did, I shoud be on death row for what I've done.


Here's what we got tonight:


MEM +11
HOU -9.5
LAC +5


MEM because 59% of the opinions collected are on BOS and BOS has a cover rate of 33% as a home/fav between 10 and 13.5


HOU because 54% of the opinions are on PHI and PHI has a cover rate of 18% this season as a home/dog between 7 and 9.5


LAC because 59% of the opinions are on OKC and LAC have a cover rate of 67% as a road/dog between 3 and 6.5